It’s going to be hard.
It’s going to take me lots of time.
You’ll move on fastest
That’s what’s going to be
The hardest.
To see your the cause
Your the developer
Of my broken heart.
Yet ,Your Out.
Living on , Feeling no pain
Having fun.
I don’t deserve this
Should have not happened to me.
I’m so Great
I’m not perfect but I gave much honesty & loyalty.
To be the one left hurting.
I need to move on.
Time to grow up
Time to stand up and change.
Move on and see
More to life than dwelling .
I’ll be ok.
He’ll be more than fine.
He’ll go back to the life he’s been dying to Live on.
Hoes, music, Friends

I’m Addicted To
You Didn’t think it was that serious did you. Something minor like a *** head who’s just considered a stoner. Probably didn’t cross your mind how harsh the drug is and how deep in the puddle I’m in.
I’m bi polar
You didn’t think it was a big deal.
Couple mood swings, nothing to severe. Didn’t think it was a problem or ever cross your head how that was going to cause confusion and frustration .
Both combined?
Nothing to be worried Of.
You must have thought I just had problems like everyone Els in the world.
Rapid changes in my mood.
My attitude has you confused.
Now your re considering our friendship.
So much drama you weren’t awaiting.
You figured out im crazy.
Arguments within my head is affecting us daily.
I’m sorry baby..
I don’t function like the normal
Forgive me baby
I am better when I’m not delusional
Wait for me baby
When I accomplish Sobriety I’m truly amazing ...

Im Unhappy
My addict mind begins reminding me about the magic.
I Hold back and avoid it.
My addict mind begins
Whispering my insecurities & reminding me of all things I have not let go of.
Slowly reminding me of All the tears I poured out.
I Stay strong and hold back.
My addict mind Begins to tell me all the false promises you made. 1 by 1 then whispers all the times you betrayed.
I begin to give in .
My addict mind Turns my unhappiness to feeling miserable.
Temptation gets stronger as I begin to remember.
My addict mind tells me
“ go for it baby, 1 Hit will solve it”
My minds now Racing as the memories start increasing.
A regular day can turn me hateful by just thinking of the times I forgave and got played again and again.
My addict mind starts playing scenarios of the times I’d get high.
Making it seem desirable and an offer I can’t pass.
Once my addiction tricks me.
Using to numb my sadness is no longer the reason. It’s the excuse to start my drug Habit.
Once I’m On , my mind and body crave it. Once I’m on, I want to use to use it. Once I’m on, my emotions tie back rapidly, once I’m on , I lose touch with reality.
When I’m on one, All I Do is think about my next one. The next dose, the Next hit and that’s all I care about and Focus on .
I Don’t enjoy Being high on crystal ****. I’m so focused on wanting more that I don’t feel no side effects
I feel nothing but desperation.
All I want to do is Get high and never come down.

Silently
I’m walking away.
My love for him
Is no longer the same.
The spark between us is gone.
I’m drained.
Of feeling sad & not good enough
Everyday.
I’m tired of crying
Doubting , assuming , Concluding.
For it all to be true.
I’m tired of
Being acknowledged when I do something wrong.
I’m tired of trying.
Hearing “I’m sorry”
Knowing it’s false.
After every alpology
Comes another
“Sorry love “.
It’s a waiting game.
I’m tired of it.
Not for long ..
He’ll apologize
Il reply “for what?”
I didn’t even notice.
Because I no longer care.

I have cried
So many times,
Hidden and silent.

I have stared
At nothingness,
Felt my heart breaking.

I have waited
For so many calls
From you that never came.

I have believed
Everything that you said
I guess some weren't true.

I have been left
By you waiting for
The things you said you'd do

I broke my heart again,
Because I thought, finally,
I'll stop being used by you

"I thought it was a dream, I thought it wasn't real
But pain really hurts and it's really how I feel
Memories keep coming back, and so do all of the tears
I hear your voice, and as quick as the smile came, it quickly disappears
I don't know what is happening, because you always held my hand

You said you would never let go, that is what I don't understand
So many promises you made, and more of them broken
Lost and confused, feels like I'm choking
A lot of things I did not say
Now I can't find my way

I feel like a boomerang, you throw me but not only that
Every time you throw me, I always seem to come back
Back to you, back to pain
Nothing has changed, you're still the same

I cannot start over because I don't know where to start
I guess that is what happens when someone breaks your heart
If we are supposed to follow our dreams, why can't I follow you
Because now I am so lost, I wish you were lost without me too"

IF I were her.
I’m speaking either
Of the ones I know of.
IF I WERE HER
We’d be ******* happy R.N
IF I WERE HER
You’d never tell me anything hurtful or disrespectful
IF I WERE HER
You’d show much love .
Although you weren’t raised to show affection , if I were her it’d come out of you naturally .
IF I WERE HER
You’d be so deeply in love with me. Do the cutest **** and do everything to keep and make me happy. You’d Go head over Heels.
IF I WERE HER
You’d do the impossible to get a smile on my face .
Surprise me and Gift me.
Think of me All the time and be sooo thought ful . Generous , amorous. Plenty of Adorable ****.
IF I WERE HER
You’d show me off to the world.
Present me to everyone that very second . You’d be such a gentlemen . I’d meet All your friends and everyone.
IF I WERE HER
You’d tell me How beautiful i am
Look at me in the way As the most goregeous and perfect thing you’ve ever seen.
IF I WERE HER
you wouldn’t look at other girls
Check others out
Talk or even think about another .
You would go behind my back and Flirt with others . Etc
IF I WERE HER
You wouldn’t avoid me
Ditch me , diss me, betray me
Hurt , break me.
IF I WERE HER
You’d Marry Me instantly .
You’d work your hardest to Move out with me.
You’d work sooo happily knowing it’s all for us.
IF I WERE HER
You’d think magically of me all the time . Do things to impress me , you’d cherish me so ****** much
IF WERE HER
You wouldn’t Make me feel sad.
If I cried , you’d do your best to cheer me up !
Your whole personality would change .youd take selfies with me.
IF I WERE HER
You’d think of wanting to move me out and care for me. Give me all my needs and Love me So much. Work hard to give me the bestest life and anything I wanted

SADLY I’m not her.
Which is why i suffer daily .
Why I’m always crying
Why your always Doing things to hurt me constantly

Im Back.
I figured A Plan.
To keep Me controlled On
theses levels.
I'm such a fool, I know Better .
Once I'm gone, I'm gone forever.
I'm Scared That I don't Care.
I'm frightened.
This is So Bad, I knew I couldn't Use just once .
Noticed With Coke I Stopped Whenever? I didn't feel the urge to continue the use.
I Went 2 years without this.
I could have gone a lifetime .
**** had To happen.
I weakened , I've fallen.
I Stood Strong.
I got knocked Down.
By the one I gave my heart to.
Who I've always loved although the pain never stoped Hurting.
I Was deeply inlove.
No, I was Blinded.
I was stupid to believe this would work out. I Was unhappy before.
What made me think I'd be happy if I got with him?
I met Him With A Tear.
I used Clear To avoid The Cuts

We meet again
Will there ever be an end ?
Misery Brings you ,
my pain feins dope.
My sadness reaches out for a ****
Why must I listen,
why do I feed on
To the hurt and past
I always let it get to me
Unhappiness loves to find me
Knowing I’m weak & seek tweak to cure me
This is terrible and I’m not sorry

That I've been Using.
Your main concern Is Who & How.
Rather Than Why , Let me Help.
It's all So crazy.
My head isn't insane
like he claims I be.

I hope one day you
Realize & Notice.
All The obstacles I crossed
To be by your side today .
How I Experienced
So much Misery & sadness
To be able to call myself
Your girlfriend .

My love was true.
I Expressed it so much.
I did everything you wanted.
Id Make sure you were happy & Comftable Around me.
Always making sure you felt special and Important.
You seen I really liked you.

You Mistreated me.
I Still Continued making sure I made you feel Some type of lovely way.
You constantly hurt me.
Feeling hurt & pouring tears I still Wrote you cute texts.

You told me you will never love me & I will never be someone special to you.
With A broken Heart
I Continued to see you every day not minding What you had just said.

I made sure you felt worthy .
You made me feel worthless
You Made me feel insecure.
I always told you how handsome & **** I found you .

I Made you See positive things about your life.
You Made me see the negative of mines. Reminding me of mistakes I Did & due to it I won’t ever be some one great.

I Showed You nothing but affection & Attention.
You Showed me
Carelessness & neglection.

I Was fixing You.
Gluing your broken pieces back. At times you purposely flicked it & I fixed them too.

You Were Breaking me.
You seen & didn’t care.
My Tear drops never Made you Realize how sad you constantly made me feel.
You never felt bad .

The journey I Went through
To Call myself your girlfriend today.
Was A Trip To Make myself happy.
Drugs Was All i known.
Loving you & Adoring You was my distraction.

I hope you one day realize That I was nothing but good to You.

you talk about trust,
and then betray it.

You beg for another chance, to just blow it.

you talk about love,
and then destroy it.

you talk about working things out,
and never give it a chance.

You say your sorry, but soon again you’ll do the same.

and
every time
im the one crying
on my bedroom floor.
no one to hold,
no one to see me.

Please don’t scold me.
I do that daily.
Tell myself everything that’s wrong.
Point out all my flaws and hate myself heavily.
Please Don’t tell me your disappointment.
I am my worst enemy
& broke my own commitment.
Please Don’t Be so angry..
Showing Hate Just makes me Want To Do it all Again ..
What can you feel ?
Whatever you need to .
I just ask for you to not shame me disgracefully..
Don’t show me how upset you are.
Yes I’ve fallen more than once.
I know it’s wrong but
understand I use to run.
I promised myself il fight harder.
Think around the situation
for a solution that will solve it.
I have beat the battle.
I lose when it’s
too many to handle.
It’s so frustrating.
Drugs is the easiest solution
& in the moment I just want to forget everything!
Please understand..
Most triggers are caused by unsolved events in our past.
You created & added on to all the thoughts I dwell on.
Please forgive me ..
As I cannot forgive my own self.
Yes I used, Again & Again.
I’m aware I’ve fallen
multiple times.
Once again, Temptation beats me.
Weakens my mind ..
triggers my brain
with the good times I’ve spent.
My point Baby..
I’m not hurting you.
For you to be in rage ..
I did not cheat or Betray .
I’m faithful till this day.
I Relapsed.
I’m hurting myself.
Damaging my insides
& messing with my own head.
Please don’t be furious ..
I’d understand the sadness if the reasons for my use weren’t related to you ..
I Don’t Want To blame you dear,
Although I do believe you play a big fault on my low self esteem.
Constant Mesmerizing Sadness.
Of the way you treated me &
how I the fool
allowed myself and still gave you the keys to my heart.
How even then
you still played me.
I can’t forget, forgive or let go.
Only on drugs have I made it possible, then they came back worse.
Hold me when I’m coming down
I just need a hug & love .
My mind races of  negativity
Repetiting I’m so worthless

I Don’t Want this life.
I’m tired of coming back..
I don’t want to be sad.
I don’t want to feel less .
I don’t like to go numb then return feeling 2x worse.
Yes , I Say I want to be on.
I talk about dope like it’s my love.
I write about feeling nothing & Getting on my level till I drop.
Believe me when I say it’s not the life I truly want .
I want to live and smile.
On Dope I can’t even laugh .
What is it that keeps me dreaming
The First High feeling, lifting off the first few minutes.
It all changes after that.
I get stuck trying to feel amazing
I lose track of time feeling nothing but frustration.
Sitting Down Focused on The glass pipe.
I don’t want to hit this Nomore

Sober
I’m writing to vent.
I’m tired of repeating my sadness.
Constantly Creating the same verses just puzzled differently.
My minds going crazy , constantly over thinking about past ****.
Will I ever get to the end ?
Will these feelings ever go away.
I’m waiting patiently on the day where I no longer dwell & self hate.
Begin to enjoy life rather than hide away.

I’m Down.
Il take all the risks now  For A Pound.
I’m tired of All this ****.
Back & fourth Arguing  
non stop B.s
I’m Really For it now.
I can’t take this useless life of mine
Doing nothing but wasting time.
**** it **** itOh your bad?
I don’t give a ****
I feel no pitty when I’m on
**** your feelings cause I’m gone
Yeah I’m All for it.
Take The risks that dope life brings
I’ve had enough
I hate sobriety
Dope love Baby , come save me

Each tear that runs.
drop that falls.
frown i make
& Fists I ball.

Each Hateful Word
I say, Curse & Promise.
Each Negative feeling that Develops in me.

Every Time I Cry
“I want to end my life”
“There’s no point in living”
“I’m ending it tonight”

Is serious.
I’m guaranteeing
An end .

How Can You have the heart To Go Days Without Talking to me.
How can You peacefully Continue Your Day Without contacting Or hearing From the person you supposedly love.
How Dare You Call The next Day.
Speaking Normal , As If You Didn't do anything. You Don't even Tell me The Reason Or Where you were. Expecting me to answer all Lovey Dovey and Still have the nerve to ask me what's wrong.

If I Use
Tears Appear in the eyes.
Disappointment sinkins the heart.
Love, Turns to Anger & frustration.
A thousand thoughts create As you breath heavily.
Speechless, you weaken.
Clueless on what to do next.
words Blur Out ..
“How could You?” “I can’t believe this” “ are you happy? You must be” “look at you fool! Pathetic “
“I’m tired of your ****” .
So upset , I’m Looked as the enemy.
So hurt, I’m Looked as the Bad Guy.
So Disappointed, you want me out.
So furious, I’m seen as a mistake.
I’m Careless In your brain.
I’m evil and Cruel.
How could you use? Abused the ones around you.
We are the victims !
Apologies allowed to only you ..
I’m the Villain, I’m the bad one.
I did wrong , I sinned strong.
As if I purposely fell ..
like scribbling on walls.
Why do you think I want to do this?
Yes I planned. I chose. I proceeded.
I don’t want to deal with My reality
I want to escape everything
& start over.

Hello love.
It’s no shock.
I used Again & covered up
I’m not sorry, just worried
To fall back unnoticed
Every Relapse is a scare
Will I just use or stay there
I’m playing Russian roulette with my Sobriety
One of these days a single use will turn me insane
Turn me back into the Addict that shows no expressions & is lifeless

I Loved You For So Long.
The loves been Tough.
I don’t blame You For The Past.
You Were Doing You
& I was dumb.
You Said many harsh Things
I was Stupid agreed and stayed on.
You made it clear You don’t Care about me
Or will ever want a future.
I still Followed You With My Crushed Heart.
I Seen Your Ways ,
I cried But still stayed.
I seen You liked to play games, witnessing all I Remained Your
#1 cheerleader
& Cheering You On.
Knowing I Wasn’t the only one
, I still Dragged my Broken heart Where ever You Gone.
It’s not your fault,
It’s mine
For still Walking behind you knowing That All the texts about being the only girl as your friend was a lie.
Every sweet thing you told me have already been Said to those before me.
I Should have left and not
chased on .
My fear Of never loving was displaying live Everyday.
I’m the stupid one for believing you’d be faithful and change.
When I witnessed the Cheater.
I Witnessed Your games.
I Decided to Dedicate All my time to you.
Knowing it was not mutual.
Everything I Experienced in our relationship
I Should have been known.
I should have been Guessed I was just going to get my heart broken. You destroyed me as friends.
Fool to believe Becoming your gf was Going To Stop my Doubts .
It all worsen. I let it happen.
I seen your characteristics before hand. I’m the biggest fool.
I’m always hurting because you still don’t stop hurting me.
What a fool of me to Always
Feel Unhappy.
When i already known what I was getting myself into .
It’s my fault I’m more miserable. Everyday I wait on your next
“I’m sorry babe” text.
How silly of me.

I'm Slowly fading.
The Dream Life is Nearing.
It's Feels So enlightening.
I know it's A trick.
It's feeding me Greatness.
So I grow more affectionate.
This is poisonous.
Im becoming unconscious
I'm losing Focus.
The demons Are Revealing
The devils approaching
My Mind is Spinning.
Feining for a quick fix.
To escape My reality.
Intoxicating me With Clouds That Are numbing me entirely.
I hate but love this.
Its Sad but I'm helpless
Dissapoiniting To Lose Yourself to A Substance.
not being able to find your way out
To have people Call You out
Telling You How Could You live Like that, such A shame you treat yourself to that. What A loss For A mother . How heart breaking
to see her baby give out to such a sick thing. To Not Bother caring About the life given.
You People Don't See it.
It's become a
disease To our bodies.
Yes, we thought processed and Did all Actions.
Our intentions Were not to become addicts. We did not make a commitment to Forever Be Addicted.
We were mislead, tricked & Weakened.
It was all unpredicted.
We got lovely  pulled close.
to then Be in a huge Tangle.
I don't want to live
Think , act or chose this Road.
The devil exists.
I gave it my soul
for something so poor.

I’m Not easily Saddened.
How Can A Person
Who Has Nothing Going For Them , Self Hates, Self hurts
Sees drugs as an easy escape
Who can’t comtro to say no
Which then becomes indangered
To become lost
To forget they Have to stop
Who’s Stays stuck in there Pain
In consuming more drugs
Though the high no longer helps you escape.
You now get High to continue your day ?

Tired of the *******.
**** it I ain’t About to
deal with ****.
Yeah like that
1 line , 1 Puf, 1 shot
Im aight.
**** the ***** who played me.
Tf am I still caring ?
His feelings ? Nah **** them!
He never cared about me.
I’m still poisoning my body to forget the pain he gave me ?
To get High even more to hold back from telling him to protect his feelings?
I’m tired of being blamed !
Ive been nothing but good to him!
I’m a ***** now because I stand up for myself.

I don’t have to deal with ****.
He’s mad I relapsed?
Complains I Trip to much.
Talks me down for all my wrongs .
Makes me feel
hopeless & worthless
Thinking I’m a real ***** & treat him wrong .?
Wants *** but never gives me to true love?
Takes me for granted!
Takes advantage!

**** ALL THAT
YUP
JUST LIKE THAT
Some rocks & Its Gone.
Oh he’s mad ?
Oh he’s Showing anger?
Oh he’s Really feeling some type of way but never cares about
my feelings ?

Rack up shoot up smoke up
**** , I no longer give a ****.
The more I use ?
The less il fuse over anything that has to do with you.
I won’t give a **** about you anymore!!!
Wanna cheat? **** a ***** ?
Go for it darling
As long as ingest This dope
I won’t even Notice your presence
As a matter of fact.
You’ll be unexsistent
Like I never even met you

A drug addict .
That’s who she was.
Developed an addiction with a hard stimulant drug .
She Didn’t abuse drugs.
Take more than prescribed
Take unprescribed.
Use to avoid or feel good
For that certain moment x

She was a drug addict.
She used & couldn’t stop.
Not even when it begun to cause health , financial, emotional or problems with loved ones .
The urge to get & use
Filled up every minute of the day.
She formed a habit . I
Every day she looked forward to her next hit .
Either Got ready to get high.
Or struggled & thought about getting that next fix .
She had no control.
Used when she didn’t
Even want to .

Im not scared
Anymore .
I don’t know what to feel
Anymore.
I think I’m worried,
I just don’t feel it
Anymore.
My thoughts try to
Tell me something’s wrong.
I Can’t think of anything..
I’m unsure If I’m ok.
I don’t know if I’m
Even thinking straight.
I remember once feeling
So afraid.
I had to seek help on my own .
For the sake of my sanity.
My heart felt a heavy
Storm coming.
It rushed me to look out
Find shelter .
With strong material .
I started moving .
But did I act fast enough ?
Did I act before or after
Time had already passed..

Do You have love
For me ?
They’ve never Really put it
On for me .

I Don’t think they really know
About the pain it brings
Methamphetamine
& how it makes me feel gone.
Momma my bad
I haven’t picked up my phone.
I’ve been on one.
There’s a love & it’s rough
But I’m dedicated.
& The Drugs Real rough
I don’t know if il ever make it .