Can you feel the hate
It's storming our gates
Picking up a gun is easier to do
Than seeing another's point of view

A rational mind
Is getting harder to find
Hate is everywhere we look
Can't you see what all it's took

Our children are afraid to go to school
Where hatred is now the Golden rule Bullied and battered
Kid's pick up guns and make things splatter

No where is safe, not the movies,  night clubs, or malls
We are left with the consequences,  and do nothing more than bawl
People are trying to fight hate with hate
Isn't that just great

Can no one see the writing on the wall
Love is the only way to stop this squall
Stupidity and hatred will be our downfall
As we look upon our fellow humans laying in that death sprawl

All we do is cry and wail
Thinking the ship has already set sail
But we can turn it all around,  if we only listen to the call
When will people realize, love is truly the answer after all

Here I am again looking to the sky
Wishing so much that I could fly
Leave this lonesome world behind
Most people are just blind
And they will never see the truth
But up high here upon the roof

It's not so hard to find
That they are to mired in the grind
They've given in
To the greatest sin
That possessions have more worth than time
They cherish every dime

But I know the truth
It's about love, not youth
Or possession you own
It's about watching kid's becoming grown

It's not how much money
You spend on your hunny
But putting in the time
To watch life unwind

Holding loved ones close
It's what we all want the most
So I have decided I'm growing wings
Just watch as I fly away and sing
Because my love lives faraway
And Skypes not enough today

To judge another is really not your place
You never know how it feels unless you live inside their space
But maybe your just stupid, ignorant, or dumb
Please enlighten me tell me which one

Her name is Ivy
She'd say "come on and try me"
She had an hour glass figure
Her breast couldn't get much bigger
With hair from here to there
You couldn't help but stare

She had skills in the bedroom
Made strong men weak and moan
When giving blow jobs
She always got her tongue involved
She was the best in the land
Even with just her hand

But once in her embrace
You'd lose track of time and space
A little piece of heaven wrapped up in hell
She would put you under her spell

They'd always begged for more
She just knocked them to the floor
For she truly hated men
But could make them *** and *** again

That was her poison
She toyed with their emotion
She poisoned their brain
For want of her would drive them insane
They had tasted the sweet nectar
Then could no longer get her

She drove many to take their own life
For they couldn't make her a wife
She grew wild and free
You can look but not see
She was the greatest find
But she was a poisoned vine

If you ever touched her you'd agree
The beautiful Poison Ivy

A woman draped in a black hooded dress
Softly and slowly the coffin she caress
She is here for the death
She is quiet bereft
The tears slide down her flawless face
Cheeks a pink rose tint, lips blood red hue, there's no disgrace
Her hair is raven colored, she is nothing, if not grace
Her healing hands over her face she places
Her gut wrenching anguished moans can be heard for miles
She falls to her knees in the aisles
Behind her closed eyes she sees every moment of this life
The microseconds of happiness the years of anguish and strife
She cries and wails for a life lived this way
She moans and sways
For in that coffin is where her life lays

I am the terminator
The exterminator
I walk around with my spray
Aiming at things that get in my way
So you better stand back
Before I start my attack
Because I might see
You as a tiny flea
******* out my life force
You might be the source
Of that itch I can't scratch
You will have meet your match
I love to destroy what bugs me
It fills me with a sense of glee
I wonder if God feels the same
Maybe that's why none of us are sane

Spinning and spinning, around and round
Never knowing what will be found
Between love and pain,back and forth, door to door
Which one will I open now, will it knock me on the floor
Pain can leave you lying
Love can set you to flying
So I'm caught between ying and yang
Feeling like a yo-yo again

One cut, two cut, three cut, four
Watch my blood spill on the floor
Five cut, six cut, seven cut, eight
Isn't this life just ******* great
Nine cut, ten
Here we go again

One cut, two cut, three cut, four
Sinking every day a little more
Five cut, six cut, seven cut, eight
Future is up to chance and fate
Nine cut, ten
This ****** up game I'll never win

Self mutilation
Tattooed invitation
Thoughts confused
A razors used
Skin engraved
Scars won't fade
Mind unwind
Blood divine

Can't you see the tiny storm cloud
With it's thunder cracks so loud
Feeling the gentle rain caress my skin
A thousand tiny kisses felt so deep within
To pirouette between the drops
Quickly losing all the agonizing thoughts
Spining and changing with the wind, a tango of prefect grace
I taste the rain upon my lips, as the lighting splashes light across my face
An exceptional balance of beauty and the beast
Absorbing the fierce energies release
Dancing in the storm's sweet rain
Relieving the searing pain

The horse man comes, and tonight he comes for you
It doesn't matter what you do
He has you in his sights
You won't be seeing daylight

His horse takes long wicked strides
Muscles flex and flow beneath its black wicked hide
Smoke with every breath from it's nose
Legs so fast, off it's hoofs fire flows

He sets upon is blackened steed
For running there is no need
The only thing that is missing is his head
That's why he will take your's instead

A sharpened sword will do the deed
Make you drop right to your knees
As your head goes rolling in the leaves

The horse man comes, and tonight he comes for you
It doesn't matter what you do
Tonight it will all be through

The knights of old around the table sat
One got fat
One got high
And the other had only one eye

They went to rescue the fair maiden
They thought she needed save'n
But when they got there
They were unaware
She'd married that **** dragon
It was something hard for them to fathom

The fat one right down he sat
Not looking, and in dragon **** went splat
The high one pulled out his pipe
He didn't see why all the hype
The one with one eye started to cry
He was such a sensitive guy

The maiden ask why all the fuss
But they looked at her in disgust
Then in unison they shouted out from their armor of rust

We weren't invited to the wedding!!!!

Once again my stars have rearranged
Once again my course must change
I still find it quit strange
That my life is so deranged

Problems and heartache one after another
All throughout my life happiness they smoother
Problems and heartache are only getting rougher
It all leaves me seeking, running for cover

I no longer wish or hope for happiness or love, just a break
For a little rest, everything else I would forsake
Pinch me, poke me please any thing to make me awake
Deliver me from this nightmare life,for goodness sake

Never mind, my stars are falling
The universe has heeded my calling
Giving me my longing
Into the void I'm crawling

Walking in the rain of desperation
Drowning in the flood of my situation
Mired in this place by the muddy suction
Shackled in chains to my destruction

With you now gone
With no one to hold on
Emotions are mine alone
Mine to own

All alone I'll keep my secret
I know just where I'll keep it
I'll keep them in my pen, my ink
Deep into the paper I'll let it sink

This universe is so ******* cruel
Suffering here without you
You where my rock, my Dimond
Now who is all alone... Well I am

So I feverishly scratch, like cat with claw
I write it all out, big and loud on my wall
After I'm gone, maybe someone will read
Till that day my pen will still bleed

You act as if you hadn't a clue
You act as if I hadn't talked to you
You act as if I hadn't tried till in the face I was blue

I did, I tried
I did, but you only sighed
I did,rivers of tears I cried

Why are you such a *******
Why is your agony dispread
Why did you not listen and ended up mislead

I beckoned you to come near
I beckoned you so I could make it clear
I beckoned you but you only looked at me with that sneer

So I let you do it your own way
So I let you become the prey
So I let you crumble in just mere days

Now i'll just set and watch
Now I'll just set while all of it you botch
Now I'll just set as you make another notch

If only you had not just listened but heard
If only you hadn't let things get so blurred
If only you hadn't acted so absurd

I sat and I watched you expire
I sat and I watched as your situation got dire
I sat and I watched as you set yourself on fire

I'm trying really hard not to slip down that *****
I'm trying real hard just to cope
I'm trying real hard to distracte my mind
I'm trying real hard different views to find
I'm trying real hard to stop the  dark emotions run
I'm trying real hard to find some sun
I'm trying real hard to deny the sorrow
I'm trying real hard to look forward to tomorrow

I'm trying, I'm not shirking
I'm trying, but it's not working
I'm trying, while my mind is swirling
I'm trying, while the black dog is searching
I'm trying, but I feel him lurking

It's a slow ride, down this slide
It's a slow ride, no where to hide
It's a slow ride, but still I'll collide


Look, you can see the dark side



©Pauline Russell

To judge another is really not your place
You never know how it feels unless you live inside their space
But maybe your just stupid, ignorant, or dumb
Please enlighten me tell me which one

The unwanted the unwashed
Shoved off of life's course
Kicked into the gutter
With the rest of humanity's clutter
Left here to suffer
Against the sorrow there is no buffer

We just lie and languish
In our misery and anguish
If you look you could see
There is enough of us to fill the sea

But people only want happiness and glee
What was created in us, would never let this be
We've been used and abused
So mentally bruised

We where plucked in our prime
When everything in our life rhymed
We where plucked from our vine
But not to be polished and shined

Only to be thrown down
To be stomped on and ground
We lie and ferment
Never to rise to what we where ment

Then like Dr. Frankenstein they are scared of their own creations
When they come to the realization

The monster's that stalk their nights
That invades their dreams when they close their eye's tight
That make them bar their doors and hide out of sight
Are the monsters they have made, ..... And it's only right

We are the hollow men stuffed with straw
Dancing around on this great big ball
The ball just keeps on turning
We just keep on whirling
Dancing in our madness
Of a world full of sadness
The dance goes on, we spin and twirl
Till our rages have come unfurled
We come unstuffed, we fall
Right off this ****** hellish ball

Out in the woods I took a stroll
But the trial was getting mighty droll
So off into

My past is seeking me out again
The stupidity of my past ignorance and sin

We'd stay up all night and speak of places we would roam
He moved me far away from home


He moved me away from family and friends
I didn't relize my future was growing dim

I was in love, he kept his demons well hid
If I'd just known some of the things he had did


I soon was pregnant, unable to defend
That's when the beatings begin

I would of ran but there was no where to go
So far from home with a young one in tow


My illusional happy family dissolved
A happy future from me is STILL getting robed

This drunken alcoholic fool
Was particularly cruel

Daily beatings a must
Hands around my throat in disgust

Have him arrested, out the next day
"Boy, ***** will you pay"


Years go by and three children latter
Things are much worse the punishment greater

Can't leave him now, know for a fact he will **** me
He'd bury my body deep, he'd never set me free

Then he would be raising my kids, a terrifying thought
And all of my suffering would of been for naught


One drunken and now cracked up night
He told me to go and I took flight

Raised four kinds on my own
Over 17 year and every 2 or 3 years always making his presence known

He can fill my heart with fear
I seen him today he's in my town..........his near

Another night of nightmares
Another night of despair
Another night of tears sliding down my face
Another night in this dark empty space
Another night my sleeping mind shows me how I am confined
Another night my emotions are put to the grind
Another night my breath comes in rasps
Another night where sleep escapes my grasp

The beast that resides within
Is scorched in sin
My heart's as cold as ice
With me it's a roll of the dice
Will I be nice, or rip you right into
Nothings really new, it's just the way I grew
Hiding all the pain
It drove me a bit insane
Cold steel runs through all my veins
I dance in the pouring rains
Of anarchy, and mayhem
I can get inside your cranium
Plant my little seeds
And make you do my deeds
I'll show you smoke and mirrors
Thing's will never be as they appear
You will love me with only fear
And a smile from ear to ear
For once you've tasted my nectar
I'll have you till the hereafter

On gossamer wings she took flight
But the winds of change tore those delicate wings apart
She fell to the hard earth, a terrible sight
The wolfs descended upon her and tore out her heart

As she laid bleeding out in the dirt
Wishing her wings would of been made of steel
Then she wouldn't have these feeling of hurt
To the Gods she made an appeal

Please replace my heart with one of stone
So it couldn't be shattered by a simple storm
And never again would feelings be known
The Gods took pity and she was tranformed

Never again to be a delicate child
But a stone cold creature
She was as beautiful as she was wild
Her rock hard heart, indeed her best feature

Her gossamer wings gone
She would never fly
Being with out them made her strong
She never again would fall from the sky

The winds of change could roar
But she could take it's toll
That couldn't break her anymore
With that heart of stone she could just roll

The sun is shining bright today
     I wish the rain would go away
I feel the warmth within it's rays
     If only this coldness wasn't here to stay

By it's light I am blinded
       To the dark I am binded
In the sky a ball of fire
         By the darkness I was sired
It brilliantly lights the days
          But in darkness I'm forced to lay

The sun was God given
           My darker life has risen
I can see the light touch my skin
            Darkness is all that is within
It gives my skin a beautiful glow
             I'm to far down the rabbit hole

I sit with my face to the sun trying to catch it's warmth
But the winds quickly snatches that away
I'm quite content right here
Under the baby blue sky
Sitting in a sea of yellow flowers
They almost glow reflecting the joy of the day
But nothing breaks the chilly winds of change
The flowers scream to the sky
As the Sun's rays reach down
Like a mother for a child
The wind drags in the clouds
To blind each other's view
Mother Nature starts to cry
The flowers bowed thier heads
The sun just hides her face
For everything knew the winds of Chang where neigh

Like humpty dumpty I sat on my wall
I'm not the same after that first fall
They patched me together and placed my back
Only to repeat it crack after crack
They kept putting me back on that ledge
All the king's men made me a pledge
They wouldn't let me fall they would catch me instead
But I think they really wanted me dead
Till my kinght in shing armour so noble and honest
Made me the greatest of all promise
He'd be there to protect me even from myself
He would never let me fall from that very high shelf
He would protect me from all that would harm
Now if I fall it will be into his arms

A cookie cutter version is what this world wants
So my wild messed up ways I flaunt
You can try to figure me out
As in your face I shout
I'm not like the rest, I never will be
You look but don't see
The uniqueness in me
Theres no other that comes close
No one can make that boast
They ask why can't you be like the rest
Well.....I really don't want to be secound best

Like a tree in the night I get lost in the shadows
Standing here waiting my turn at the gallows

I'm just a mirage
Decked out in camouflage
A black silouet against a sea of gray
The drakness conceals the decay

Watching the moonbeams resistance Against the darks existence
The star's twinkle in denial
But the darkness has been there all the while

Consumed by years of agonizing pain
I don't consider myself even close to sane
Digging through life's haystack to find that proverbial needle
My search is methodical but the results are feeble

So I'm beginning to bending under the weight
Of this wretched life, this darkest fate
For I have already tasted the sorrow
Of every single one of my lifes tomorrows

Once a mighty warrior full of hope and fight
All that remains is poison tainted veins from life's snake bite
So here in the crushing darkness I stand and wait
Hoping the executioner, my years will soon abbreviate

©Pauline Russell

My heart is as light as can be
You finally admitted, you love me

You said "I don't know if you think you're just a burden to me or what"

The answer there is yes, that's exactly what I fear
I've been made to feel a burden since the day I was born
But at times I feel like I'm worth so much more
That I'm not just a burden
But maybe someone to be loved, maybe even cherished
But then I think, maybe I'm really nothing at all

Maybe the universe saw I wasn't fit
Maybe in life, I deserved all of it
You have a hard time showing any feelings
In that void you leave me in, sometimes it sends my thoughts reeling
Everything gets tumbled, my words become jumbled
My actions become erratic, so not humble
It's because I fear the worst, that's exactly what I am

A Burden

©Pauline Russell

I'm trying to break the norm
I'm trying to break through the storm
I'm trying to discard the dread
I'm trying to find happiness instead
I'm trying to escape the doom
I'm trying to save what it consumes

Try though I might, I'm failing
Try though I might in my bailing
Try though I might, my ships not sailing
Try though I might it's hard to keep caring
Try though I might, I keep on sinking
Try though I might I keep on weeping

Maybe I should just let go
Maybe there is something I don't know
Maybe I should let things be
Maybe there's something I can't see
Maybe things will be just fine
Maybe this is my sublime

Maybe things won't get much worse
Maybe I really don't live under a curse
Maybe this sadness is my way
Maybe I'm supposed to fight for each day
Maybe I'm supposed to live with catastrophe being the norm
Maybe I'm supposed to dance in the storms

On the 13th year of the 13th day
Locust are quickly on their way
And all summer long they are here to stay
They'll usher in the darkened night
And scream their song to the dying light
As soft evening colors hit the ground
Their shrill voice well be encompassing all around
You'll be unable to hear another single sound
But I love their song that chills to the bone
Because with it, it drowns out my own

I can't fly without feathers
So why are you putting me in tethers
I can't swim without fins
And still your sticking in the pins
And pulling off that little dolls limbs
Like right out of the fairytale grimms'

Your vicious as hell with that voodoo doll of twine
You made in my image so it would be mine
I constantly feel the shivers run down my spine

I don't understand why you keep me here entrapped
And leave all of our potential so untapped
Instead you think I must be kidnapped

It's trust that you're so desperately lacking
Wish you would just relize it's not me that's been slacking

I'm just here moving about
I haven't a destination, I haven't a route

I'm but the living dead
My eyes see only red
My soul's been chained
My emotion's drained
My heart is missing
My life is a cobra hissing

Scattered, nothing left of me
I'm a wondering gypsy
Nothing around me to see
For I've gone blind
My soul is in circled by a chalk outline
There is nothing left of me to find

I just took a wrong turn going to church
Ended up down by the old white birch
So I decided to sit down there at it's roots
And up to my shoulder scurried a little newt
I liked the little fellow
Until in my ear it started to bellow
Why are you doing that I asked
He said not a thing just pulled out his flask
He motioned for me to drink
And before I could think
I took a big swig
And before I knew it I was dancing a jig
The swirling and twirling brought me down to my knees
The limbs in the tree moved with the breeze
And before long I started to wheeze
What Mr. Newt what have you done
Don't worry dear with us you are becoming one
So scurry on up here and sit on the branch
By day we watch at night we dance
None of this has happened by chance
You wished for it, now it is so
Back to your life you no longer have to go

The warmth came to you one day
And it really wanted to stay
But you pushed it away
You where to use to the gray
There was nothing the warmth could say
To make you even a little bit sway
So it tried to spread a warming ray
But you looked at in disgust and let it lay
And so it simply, painfully and slowly decayed

The sun was shining very bright
In that very darkened night
He loved me with all his hate
Light as a feather under all his weight
Broken into pieces, he left me whole
I was blinded by the light in his black soul

I'm done I'm through
There's nothing more that I can do
My life is *******
My heart came unglued
My rents overdue
My car died, my problems grew
So I'm telling you
I want to turn that wonderful hue
A nice pale blue

My birth certificate has expired
It's time to burn me in the fire
Send me off to the crematorium
My life is a moratorium

Lifes blood ebbs away
I'm sorry I could not stay
But life will go on
I was no longer strong
Even a diamond can crack
And no one had my back

Don't cry for me
Just because my body you can't see
I leave you memories, and love
And now this agony I'm gonna be free of

I've written it down the best I could
And maybe by some I'll be understood
My poems capture my life and torment
Put into this world for Gods enjoyment

With all this pain and remorse
I took this way out, of course
It's not the easy way out, as they say
I thought it through for days and days

My thoughts have formed a noose
And more pain made sure it wasn't lose
So now all I need is to step off this chair
And become so  unaware........

I went down to the land of woe
Where all the selfish people go
They all set around a banquet table
But to eat they just weren't able
Glorious food was all abound
Eagerly at that table they all sat around
But the forks and spoons where a mile long
They all cried, "this is unfair and wrong"
Try as the might
They couldn't get it right
Some where dying of hunger
They couldn't get the food to their mouths, they where going under
They couldn't  figure out how to eat
It seems this life has them beat

              Meanwhile

Just across the river nine
This is what you'll find
It's the exact same scene
Glorious food, it's so serene
They all set around a great big table
Same long utensils, but to eat they are able
Can you imagine what the difference is
Why they can eat and live like this.....................

It's a lesson we all should learn
So by ourselves we don't get burned
It's as simple as thinking of others
For my friend, they feed one another

Demons walk this house of mine
They do it at night from time to time
They frighten my guests
And startle my pet's
My cat just sits and stares
My dog her teeth she bears
They just push her aside
She runs and hides

They walk last night again my floors
So I got up and shut the bedroom door
Of course they do what they alway do
My door they pass right through
I tried to ignore them as on my bed I sat
But not tonight they would have none of that
They were there to chat

What do you want, I asked with disgust
They spoke with the tongues of cosmic dust
We are here to watch and savor
Your situation will soon be much graver

Three shadow men in front of me stood
Glowing eyes stared out from under their darkened hood
One pointed at the table, one at the razor, one at my hand
Time it slowed, the hourglass lost it's sand

Then they said, we are here for you our dear friend
My hand started to shake, and then extend
I gave them a determined look
And pulled my hand back although it shook

You can make me cut, you have many times before
I know it's the smell and taste of my blood you adore
You can even make me take my life
They laughed so hard at that, We only want to bring you strife
You silly human child
It's not you blood we desire

Although we do like to watch your blood flow
What we want is the pain to grow
It's just a plus to make you bleed
But it's on your human soul we feed
And your agony makes it all the more sweeter
So your life we make sure it's so much bleaker

I ordered them out of my room
I demanded they take their gloom
They swiftly moved, pinned me down and entered my head
And now I'm wishing that I was not food but dead!

There once was a man
That thought his member was grand
He called it the best in all of the land

He went from woman to woman
He said he was just checking their fluid

If your thinking he's a stud you couldn't be wronger
He's what my my grandpa would call a whoremonger

Take away the pain
Take away the strain
Just what would remain

I am held together with the struggle
I am held together because of all I juggle

I am nothing but agony
I am nothing but depravity
I am nothing but blasphemy

Question's on my mind weigh
If you could take that away
Do it right here today

Would I cease to exist
Would I still be here in the midst
Would I be missed

For I am nothing but self loathing, agony, and pain
If it could magically be taken away, would anything remain

On my way out watch it flow
Just one more poem before I go
I haven't much time
So just one last rhyme
It won't be long before I'm done
It would of been faster if I'd used a gun
But I wanted to see the blood run
For every drop there is a story
Of pain and agony, there is no glory
I'm growing weak
I think I accomplished the feat
One more line, my world was bleak

Down in the depths of the hole, there's no sound but the beat of my heart
And my dark charred thoughts
That drip like black oil
That everything it touch's, it stains and soils
Thoughts of death and gruesome memories
From them there is no where to flee
So I lay in the bed curled into a tight ball
Just waiting to hit the bottom of the fall
There is no one to talk to, no one to call
No one knows how this inky darkness flows
How it consumes the soul and continues to grow
I'm imprisoned in theses bones, this skin
Is this how the end begins
I've prayed for love and light
But I've only been given glimpses of that site
Any happiness I have fought for is snatched away
In just a short few days
So now I pray
For death and a shortening of my years
To live a long agonize life is my fears
Not one month goes by that tragedy doesn't strike
It's like trying to get through life on a trike
You pedal really really hard but get no where
To tell the truth I just don't care
I want to become totally unaware

I can't get past this swirling blackness that resides inside my brain
I can't seem to think of happy thoughts or any other thing

Onto this ugly life of mine I'm holding on so tight
My hands are cramping, my knuckles are turning white

I'm not sure why I am, the light went out years ago
On this darkened sea of emotion, I just flow

I no longer want to feel the tide, or the waves that take me under
The storm persist above me, the lightening and the thunder

I've tried to row this boat of sorrow to the shore
But it didn't work at all, it just so refused to go

I think tonight instead of rowing, I'll just drill a hole
tonight this is my goal

I'm gonna visit Davy Jones down there in his locker
I know to many that will be no shocker

Sifting through the ashes of my life
Trying hard to find something thats went right
I search and look, **** and poke
It's begaining to look like my life was a joke

How could this be
I tried so hard just to be me
I look back on my time line
On me was committed many a crime
It changed me to a sad little being
But I still managed to keep on singing

But it didn't seem to be enough
Now life is calling my bluff
I'm sitting here with so much rust
Feeling mighty hollow, nothing but crust
So I'm just gonna sit right down
And in the ashes of my life I'll just drown