If I never loved him, would I have still found you?
Our meeting was so random, but it was kind of his fault too
If I hadn't left him,
I wouldn't have opened up that game,
And if I never did that- would you ever know my name?
If we take it further from all the trauma I went through, had I not lived through it, would my path still have stopped at you?
At what point in this timeline was our fate decided?
I think about this all the time- I've over analyzed it.
If she didn't have me at sixteen,
maybe my childhood could've been abuse free,
If my dad wasn't a ******* ***, I could have lived at home and not dropped out of class,
If I didn't isolate at my grandmother's house, would I have been strong- less like a mouse?
If a heart attack didn't take her from me, I'd have never gotten close to him in 2015
If I hadn't suffered a decade with him,
I'd have never been in Salem
with my sister's on a whim
If I wasn't damaged would I have ran? Maybe then we'd get the life sometimes we would plan
If none of this happened I'd just like to know,
Was my soul always destined
for yours to know?

I laughed - not for likes,
but because the sky was kind
and the breeze felt honest.

I wore comfort,
not costume,
and danced without a soundtrack.

No mirrors.
No filters.
Just me,
at ease in my skin,
and joy
quiet as a secret,
loud as my heart.

Remember when I asked you for space?
But what I really wanted was you.
7 nights before,
You kissed me 3 times,
Under the purple moon.
Your eyes filled with tears
And mine did too.
We left it all in the past,
When we said goodbye too soon.

we sat-
not in silence
but in words
and tears
"I have to leave.
She's making me crazy."

You had better not leave me.












"I won't."

body dysmorphia is a strange thing
it makes getting dressed hard
and loving your body even harder
yet i wish, in the darkest parts of me
that i have it—
if only to explain
why i look like this