The world around me slows to a crawl,
No one around me knows me at all.
I look over the crowd of familiar faces,
From various times and different places.
They laugh and they play, one and another,
All with secret pains, I’m just like the others.

You swore you cared, I dared to believe you.
How could I not? Your eyes twinkled too bright.
    I let you get to me, I wasn't ready to be hit with what was coming.
       I assured myself it wouldn't happen, we could find a way to stop it.
          You were the one I trusted, when my gut is the one that should be believed.
                                 How Careless To Have Cared So Much
You swore you cared, I dared to think it to be truth.
  "You deserve better," everyone screamed so loudly my ears could bleed.
     I could have listened, took their advice and kept my heart to me.
       One day too soon, I saw what I knew but never wanted to actually see.
          Never again did I trust, yet my careless care has been placed in better hearts.

Sitting at the station, smoke fills my lungs and drifts away like memories of you.
Waiting for the train to peak around the never ending bend of tracks, I wait for not just a train but an escape.
I wait and wait until the rise of the moon.
I have places to go and plans to make.
One step at a time, isn't that how the saying goes?
I couldn't tell you, my steps are never going anywhere, it seems.
I wait for signs of trains and I wait to see the steam.
The big iron black, as black as the night you left.
Now I'm leaving too.
I look across the tracks and see inside a dinner.
The couples drinking coffee look nice, but baby, we were finner.
All that is behind me now, like the train tracks that are spit out as the train bustles me anywhere, everywhere, hopefully away from myself.
At least I'm leaving you, my dear, I'll pretend I was never left.
I await this train, it's down the track, you'll never stop me now.
I climb aboard, the engine roars and the conductor blows the whistle.
I flick that cigarette aside.
Never coming back.

I lay awake
Think of mistakes
My thoughts stay troubled
My eyes dilate

Problematic, can't shut off my mind

Insomniatic, can't close my eyes.

We all wake up in the middle of the night, perhaps after a night terror has given us a fright.

Life is a nightmare all in itself

We never know what to do with the cards we are dealt.

"It's easy," said no one ever.

No body stays to understand why

Whether it be friends that drift away or the ties that we sever.

There is a "lie" in every believe
There is an "end' in every friend.
There is no way to escape the "Real" in every reality, yet we pretend it's not there, because things make us happy. We see hope in life.

Yet how long does that feeling last when it comes to time?

We are all guilty of the good we have never done.

That's why we stay awake until the rise of the sun.

We all lead a lesser life but no one admits it until our time is done.

Take these thoughts and close your eyes.

Don't let these words corrupt your mind, for this was merely an attempt to rhyme.

the simple truth
of my youth:

i loved sadness
adored its madness

i abhorred its distance
abused its existence

until it developed resistance
and trapped me
with its persistence

i admired it
simply because
it never left me.