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Oct 2023 · 253
Twisted root
Birdie Oct 2023
I am a twisted root
Bent in broken directions
So that now
The sweetness can’t get to my leaves
And my tree is dying
Sep 2023 · 697
Goodbye
Birdie Sep 2023
Goodbye to my broken man,
Your healing is not mine.
Goodbye to my happy drug,
I bet one day I’ll be fine.
Sep 2023 · 147
Pretend
Birdie Sep 2023
Her: could you pretend to love me?
Maybe just for a few hours?
You don’t have to give up other girls or ever buy me flowers.
Could you just let me sleep and maybe hold me for a while?
You wouldn’t have to feel it,
You don’t even have to smile.
Just maybe let me feel like I am safe and play pretend.
Tell me I’m your favourite and it doesn’t have to end.
Would you mind just doing some of that?
Just sometimes, not all day.
Would you mind it if I pretend with you?
Would you hate it if I stay?
Him: …
Sep 2023 · 554
Rain and paper
Birdie Sep 2023
Time waster,
Wine taster.
Covert lover,
Losing cover.
Rude creator,
Crude spectator.
Secret liar,
Limping sigher.
Companion seeker,
Slowly cheaper.
You and I are,
Rain and paper.
A little list about how it feels to be the one falling in love with the one who will never love back
Sep 2023 · 778
I hate you
Birdie Sep 2023
I hate you so much
Because I love your stupid face
I hate it when you text me
Because I wait for it all day
I hate it when you lie
But I’ll still come back for more
I hate that we have fun
Because I wish you made me bored
I hate you in the morning
When I wake up from my dreams
I hate that you’re in every one
I can’t escape it seems
I hate you in the evening
When your face keeps me awake
And I hate you with each and every
Single breath I take.
But I actually love him though
Sep 2023 · 145
Head and heart (in detail)
Birdie Sep 2023
Midnight,
Mid July,
Even 22 degrees at night,
A full moon illuminates my home ,
Beams silver white on the Solent,
Hot and drunk from the lambrini I drank from a plastic cup,
Pebble pushed footsteps crunching my air force 1’s into periglacial river gravel,
cockle shells and swell softened glass dented by my progress.
St Moriz medium dark tan mingling with the scent of the black Schwarzkopf cloaking my mousey brown roots.
A warm breeze tangling my lash extensions.
The night is at peace with itself,
I am disguised as someone else.
Juxtaposing each other like two parts of myself I could mention.
Birdie Sep 2023
If I ever die at the side of the eastern road,
Where the broken bumpers and crisp packets collect,
Where the snow is shovelled into grey slush streams,
Please don’t buy the garish posie from the petrol station,
Don’t buy my memory a card factory teddy bear,
Leave the cards’ platitudes and poems on the shelves at Clinton’s,
Leave the lamp posts and road signs alone,
Pack up your sympathy, take it all home to your mums house.
Remember me as the girl that made you laugh,
Unpack your tears if you have them and give them to your pillow,
Give them to Facebook if you must, or give them to your friends.
I promise I’d do the same for you,
Unless you’d rather be remembered by straggling tinsel clinging to a lamp post by one piece of damp, desperate sellotape.
By wilting white roses dropping sad brown petals onto chewing gum tainted tarmac.
Unless you’d like to be known as the man whose name is scrawled in biro inside of a cheap card blutacked onto the sign for the Havant bypass.
In which case I’ll drag my sympathy to Clinton’s, to card factory and my closest petrol station.
I’ll say goodbye to the tune of sirens and rattling sainsburys lorries.
Then cry alone each time I drive past your withering memorial and try to remember to clean it up next week.
Sep 2023 · 138
Delusion
Birdie Sep 2023
I must have a backwards heart,
Or at least a broken brain.
You told me you can’t love me,
But you’ll have to tell again.
You assure me with your words,
And then with careless actions too,
That falling for me is just something you will never do.
But still I can’t and won’t believe,
That you don’t feel like me.
You can’t tell me any other girl,
Visits you in your dreams.
If we are not in love then explain to me my dear,
Why our bodies fit together and your absence I can’t bear.
Convince me I’m the only one that feels so safe and whole.
Manipulate my mind as you’ve done to my heart and soul.
Insist that your hand wasn’t made to rest upon my thigh,
That it doesn’t mean a thing when your eyes knowingly meet mine.
You’ll have to put the work in to persuade me it’s not true.
Or I’m sorry but I have no choice,
I’ll just keep loving you.
It’s not unrequited exactly, but it’s certainly not reciprocated either.
Sep 2023 · 123
Sunday night
Birdie Sep 2023
Just twenty minutes
Laying on your sofa
My head on your chest
Your hand on my rib cage
Feeling your breath
Moving in my hair
Feels like a lifetime of love
And that’s why I can’t
Give you up
Just another silly poem about that idiot I’m in love with
Sep 2023 · 271
Heart beat
Birdie Sep 2023
What is there to pump my blood?
 I am devoid of heart and love.
Why do I care about my face,
And slaving for a brief embrace?
The only touch I crave is death.
The coldest skin, a rattled breath.
I’ve felt all that there is to feel.
The deepest pain, their pinching steel.
I’ve smiled and I have sliced my skin,
Religiously let demons in.
Invited them into my soul,
To take me with them when they go.
Regret for every choice I make,
I never cared what was at stake.
So what is there to get up for?
I won’t be what I was before.
Sep 2023 · 209
Al fresco
Birdie Sep 2023
I hide my limp as well as I can,
Whilst my Lacoste trainers bite at my heels.
I try to look like I know what I’m doing,
Striding along central London streets,
A hidden google map at my side.
The sun is too hot to wear makeup…
Or socks as it happens which is why I have blisters.
Dodging past women in laboutins and men in suits,
I think to myself,
It’s lunchtime for the rich.
All of the restaurants are too expensive for me,
And they’d all want to eat me alive.
So I find some shade on the grass at Finsbury circus gardens.
I release my stinging feet from their white leather prisons,
And ground myself.
Whilst eating an egg sandwich out of a tinfoil wrapper,
I breathe a sigh of relief.
Exhaling my earlier fear,
I lived another day.
Sep 2023 · 304
Dream man
Birdie Sep 2023
You spin dreamscapes across my mind
You weave a skyline made of satin clouds
You burn me with flames made of stars
And keep me in your pocket
Safe and sound
In my imaginary world you created
Birdie Sep 2023
What a beautiful morning to be
In Jacobstow cemetery
Just sixteen degrees
Dew on the grass and trees
A damp wooden bench beneath me
And quiet souls around me
Taking in the scripture
Carved in moss covered stone
Nodding good morning to
The families long gone
Dandelions flick their mottled homes
As insects comfort resting bones
I could sit here every morning
And never feel alone
Aug 2023 · 254
The devil I know
Birdie Aug 2023
Better the devil you know
They say
Better get watered to grow
But wait
You’d better be careful and think
She warned
You’d better be quiet and shrink
Or else
They’ll find someone better and leave
You there
But maybe you’re better alone than shared
A poem about the irresistible, incomprehensible, irritating reality of being in love with men who won’t love you back
Aug 2023 · 143
I only write when I’m sad
Birdie Aug 2023
I only write when I’m sad
But I suppose it is not all that bad
For if I only create
When I feel desolate
Then there is much creation to be had
I’m sad a lot, so I write a lot 🤣 yay
Aug 2023 · 182
Bluranges
Birdie Aug 2023
Sitting on cold pebbles
watching the sunset
over the sea in December
Makes me wonder
That if I live my life
As close to the sun
And the ocean as I can
Will I become those rippling
Blues and oranges
When I go?
I hope so
Aug 2023 · 129
Quarter life crisis
Birdie Aug 2023
By now I thought I’d be
Much more
A partner, a mother
I thought I’d be sure
Of my picket fence life
My role as a wife
An impressive career
A stable idea of the
Road ahead
Or else I’d be dead
But somehow I’ve ended up
In this limbo
And I have become
A loose moralled *****
With no idea where it all
Went wrong  
And no plan in sight
of how to go on
Aug 2023 · 461
Mother 🤍
Birdie Aug 2023
The arms that held me
The hands that slaved
The eyes that watched
The heart that gave
The voice that told me
‘I know you can’
The dreams that held me
Before I met land
The laugh that taught me
It’s good to be fun
The warnings I heard
That meant done is done
The love I have known
With strength like no other
The woman I’m blessed
To have as my mother
A little ode to my wonderful mother
Jul 2023 · 761
Alone marrow
Birdie Jul 2023
Sadness lives in my bones
It’s settled in my marrow
Happiness is harrowing
Like a fracture
That never healed
Entrapped pain
Within my structure
Never to feel whole again
I only write when I’m sad
Jul 2023 · 631
Sham
Birdie Jul 2023
Love is a sham and
I am what I am
Said me to myself
And I
I don’t understand and
I will not withstand
This criminal
Evil lie
I can’t and I won’t and
I just simply don’t
Want to live if living
Hurts so
I may just check out and
I won’t cry or shout
I’ll just quietly get up
And go
Jul 2023 · 142
Love for show
Birdie Jul 2023
The cruel irony in my nonchalance
When I gave you the space to move
The cruel trick in your ignorance
When you made me believe in love

One word to all your friends and
The same word to your mother
But difference in your words to me when you kept me under cover
You say it just is not that complicated
in your mind
But did you stop to think about
how it would sound in mine?

You labelled me with love and took it back all in one breath
Then expected me not to be shocked when your kindness died a death
I think I deserve answers and a reason for the cold
For honestly my fickle man for child’s play we’re too old.
Jul 2023 · 564
Almost boyfriend
Birdie Jul 2023
Try to imagine and
Try to perceive
What your actions must feel like
To someone like me
I can’t be fighter
I’ve tried to be strong
I move on and say I don’t care
But I’m wrong
There’s something about your stupid face
That makes me feel safer
And like I’m in place
You’re reckless and silly
You’re just immature
But for some reason
I just keep missing you more.
Jun 2023 · 393
ADHD 2
Birdie Jun 2023
And there I go again
Deciding upon the worst way to
Hurt myself so that I don’t feel
Dead
Jun 2023 · 209
Happy little lie
Birdie Jun 2023
Picture me stood on my favourite rock
Picture me in the sun
Picture me with drink in hand
When I'm dead and gone
Tell me that I'm beautiful and always get it right
Tell me I am wise, then lie and
Tell me I can fight
Keep me in your thoughts as something real and something pure
Keep me as a secret and
Keep me lonely yours
I want to be alive and real and tangible by your side.
But really I'm a dream, a thought, a happy little lie.
Jun 2023 · 365
ADHD 1
Birdie Jun 2023
Actually I haven’t
Decided just yet
How I will
Doom myself today
Jun 2023 · 630
Unsent messages
Birdie Jun 2023
‘Don’t you miss me?’
Said the girl to her phone.
‘Wouldn’t you rather be here than alone?’
‘Don’t you dare text him’
Say her friends, and she won’t.
But she wishes he would so that she could let go.
‘Will he try harder?’
Like she did, she wonders.
Innately she knows that he won’t, she slips under.
‘Am I that unlovable? Why can’t they love me?’
She sits on her bed and cries tears that aren’t seen.
Jun 2023 · 1.4k
Curling
Birdie Jun 2023
Curling I knew you
Curling I waited
Curling we reunited
Sleeping you met me
Sleeping you loved
Sleeping you lied and wasted
Reeling I tried
Reeling I changed
Reeling I sacrificed
Lazing you lost
Lazing you ruined
And lazing you’ll stay forever
About a man
Dec 2022 · 304
Guilt trip
Birdie Dec 2022
I wish I could tell you,
I wish I could describe,
The way my soul feels rested,
From one glimpse of your smile.
I wish I knew the protocol,
I wish I knew the rules,
But nothing could prepare me,
For how you've made me your fool.
One touch from you gives me more energy,
Than hours and hours of sleep.
Your kisses are my favourite secret,
I don't want to keep.
In your arms I feel safer,
than I ever have before.
Any day without you leaves me empty to my core.

I know it should be wrong,
And I know you're not my own.
But something in me sees something in you as just like home.

I know you feel how I do too,
Or else I wouldn't say...
I want to make you feel loved,
and be loved by you each day.
Nov 2022 · 513
Love or lie
Birdie Nov 2022
If I told you that I love you,
Would you ever speak to me again?
If I never spoke to you again,
Would you realise that you love me?

I’m terrified to try either so I’ll stay in the middle.
Trapped between being your love and your stranger.
Unrequited love is the most brutal kind
Nov 2022 · 296
Things I’m bad at
Birdie Nov 2022
Boundaries
Saying no
Self respect
Moving slow
Sensible drinking
Eating enough
Sleeping schedules
Calling their bluff
Saying goodbye
Letting go
Forgiving myself
Staying at home
Telling the truth
Falling in love
Reading whole books
Acting tough
Playing sports
Doing maths
Waking up early
Avoiding his wrath
About the only things
I am able to do
Are make bad decisions
And regret them too
Nov 2022 · 245
The loneliest
Birdie Nov 2022
The loneliest feeling
I have ever felt
Was laying awake
Next to a sleeping man
Who didn’t care
Nov 2022 · 239
Head and heart
Birdie Nov 2022
Midnight
Mid July
Even 22 degrees at night
Moonlit walk
Beams on the ocean
Hot and drunk from sweet cheap wine
Pebble pushed footsteps
Fake tan and hair dye
A fresh breeze in my lash extensions
The night and I juxtapose each other
Like two parts of myself I could mention
Nov 2022 · 213
25
Birdie Nov 2022
25
Turned 25
Disappointed to find
That I’m still the same girl
The one who can’t hide
From needing validation
Love self deprecation
And never on her own side

Turned 25
And was sad to find out
That I still don’t love love
That I’m better without
Despite being desperate
To feel something affectionate
And never really knowing why

Never grew up
I still love finding seashells
And feathers on the beach
Fathers to meet
Despite all my history
I think no one would miss me
If I vanished and changed my name

Never grew up
Collecting sparkles and gift cards
And losing my pills
I can never sit still
Despite diagnosis
And not of psychosis
I feel like I’m losing my mind
Nov 2022 · 170
I’ll be fine
Birdie Nov 2022
I’ll be fine
She says
After barely making it home
Without driving her car off a ******* bridge
May 2022 · 285
Our roots
Birdie May 2022
If you and I became a tree,
I’d be the roots and you’d be the leaves.
Just know that though you’re higher than me,
You’ll fall if I don’t give what you need.
Mar 2021 · 2.6k
Another angry woman
Birdie Mar 2021
When I see the news stories
And read the vile comments
I’m reminded of my own
And how for him it’s past tense
But for me and for them
It’s every day
We live with that pain and that shame and that
Way of surviving
Like no one ever ripped out your heart
Like your dignity wasn’t stripped from you
Disbelieved in court
Ridiculed on Facebook
And ******* about in bars
‘This tortures him too’
‘He’s always been fine with me’
That’s what we hear when we try to seek
Validation from those who know our abusers
scepticism and the audacity to accuse us
Of being dramatic, of lying, exaggeration
Well tell me where is the dramatisation
In the fact that in my story when he was done
He wrote ‘No’ on my wall in permanent marker
To reminded him that next time ‘No’ is the answer
Like he should need reminding when he heard it from me
But I am a woman, was a girl
So you see
What I do doesn’t matter
Which sadly is proved
When today we read of Sarah Everard in the news
Mar 2021 · 494
Happy birthday Grandad
Birdie Mar 2021
It’s your birthday today
82
I’ll always regret missing your last party
I couldn’t help it
But it haunts me that I didn’t see you blow your candles out
That last time
I moved to the seaside
You would’ve loved it
And every time I look at the sunset sparkle on the water
I see you
Smiling and laughing
With a glass of red wine in your hand
And your family around you
Just the way you liked it
Happy birthday Grandad
I hope wherever you are it’s great
Jan 2021 · 762
Road side flowers
Birdie Jan 2021
If I ever die at the side of the street
Please don’t tie flowers and cards to a tree
Please leave the lamp posts and road signs alone
Pack up your sympathy
Take it all home
Remember me as the girl you once knew
And I’ll promise that I’ll do the same thing for you
Dec 2020 · 404
Upset
Birdie Dec 2020
I feel too strongly
I think too much
I say what I feel
And I don’t understand
Why nobody else can
Understand me
Nov 2020 · 269
Normality
Birdie Nov 2020
I suppose the reason I’m so ******* myself
Is that I was an exceptional child
Who became a normal adult
And now I’m trying to teach myself
That normality is acceptable
And even enviable
That my achievements are good enough
Even though they’re not loud or spectacular
Even though I’m not the best
At anything
I suppose that becoming okay
Is about learning to become an exceptional adult
By not doing much at all
Oct 2020 · 782
Falling on a Thursday
Birdie Oct 2020
Loving you is new tattoos,
Loving you is rain.
Loving you is a long weekend,
Loving you is fate.
Loving you is our favourite songs,
Loving you is blue.
Loving you is the colour of your eyes,
Loving you is true.
Loving you is testing my heart,
Loving you is right.
Loving you is your scent in my hair,
Loving you is night.
Loving you is all I am,
Loving you is kind.
Loving you is the only thing that’s ever on my mind.
Sep 2020 · 467
Sunny hours
Birdie Sep 2020
The changes in me between now and then,
The who, the what,
The where and when,
What a bittersweet way to begin,
Take me back to sunny hours again.
Sorry I’ve been gone so long poetry world. I’ve had a very rough couple of months. But here I am back with the creative juices flowing!
Jul 2020 · 272
Cursed
Birdie Jul 2020
Romance is dangerous to desire,
When all of your flames are hellfire,
And all of the men you let touch you,
Do nothing but claw and clutch
At your heart,
Till it bleeds and you’re sore,
And you can’t see the point anymore,
Of love or of loneliness,
You don’t know what’s worse,
But you do know one thing,
You’re cursed.
Jun 2020 · 429
Crying on the motorway
Birdie Jun 2020
I can’t imagine how many times
I’ve cried
Driving my car
On a dark motorway
Over men who don’t care
Jun 2020 · 232
You’re too intense
Birdie Jun 2020
I probably deserve it,
Being ripped apart by a lonely heart,
For all the men I’ve made lonely,
For all the ones who’ve wanted to love me,
But I wouldn’t let them.
For them I suppose I deserve it,
To fall in love with beautiful strangers,
Who want me just to use me,
To be broken once again.
Its a strange affliction to constantly be
Underwhelmed by kind men,
Only to be charmed by the...
‘You’re too intense’
‘You’re a nice girl’
‘I’m just busy’
...from a blue eyed devil.
Maybe my heart is back to front.
May 2020 · 296
A letter to a friend
Birdie May 2020
Would you tear the petals off of a fresh red rose?
Would you stop the sun from warming your skin?
Would you take the birds voices from the morning chorus to silence them?
Would you dry up the oceans and never again feel it’s waves lap your toes?
Because to do any of these things would not be nearly as terrible as hurting you.
And yet you do hurt you.
So next time you want to hurt,
Remember the roses and the sun.
Remember the ocean and the birds,
And stop to remember how precious you are.
May 2020 · 213
Guilty kisses
Birdie May 2020
What’s the point
Nobody is ever going to be you
And I don’t want anyone else
I just distract myself
With kisses
And hands on my skin
So I can pretend they’re yours
And stop feeling so empty
Just for a moment
Apr 2020 · 220
Miss you
Birdie Apr 2020
He said does it always rain when you cry?
I said yeah I think so.
Dec 2019 · 866
Bruise
Birdie Dec 2019
You’re like a bruise that I can’t remember getting.
You just appeared one day,
And now I look different.
Nov 2019 · 406
Temporary
Birdie Nov 2019
I don’t know if I even want to meet you anymore,
Because if I do,
I’ll still be convinced you’ll leave me,
And I’ll **** it up so you do,
Everything is temporary,
And that’s just true.
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