you know by now
when I am done with this face
it will disappear, every trace

truth is a tiny current
ebbing along the probability wave
of human thought

it has been the slowest tide in millennia
the moon went traveling to a distant star
leaving the ocean in such a state
lovers are lost
wolves are incensed
the estrus is in peril
meanwhile
the tide drags itself out
foam curling like lazy toes under bed covers
rising against gravity
disappearing momentously
up
into a serpentine mountain of water
reaching
for its fading mate
the moon

the wave holds time
inside the precipice of its crash
a breathless, silent
pause

the moon looks back, gently
seeing only a warm farewell

it’s easy not to care so much
when looking down from a lofty perch
from a magnificent view
so far away
from the consequences of any one action
so far away
from any being with a moral paradigm
so far away
from the source of gravity and feeling
so far away

I can sense the distance, the space, the ease
I can sense the complacent emptiness
children starving
children given to strangers
children locked in barns, basements, closets
children becoming women and men
or not
so far away
from the safety of the perch
inside

well, we’re done
Germany
Germany
Germany
I’ll let you know
if I’m ever that side of the pond

Liam Neeson was a great tree
he made me cry prodigiously

the captive audience is getting anxious
they are looking for the exits
they are feeling tricked

who is my you?
not him or he
not her or she
not I or me or the sky or sea
it’s only you
only you
who knows who

strange but I was jealous of your Italian girl
even though you don’t care for her at all
are in fact, quite heartless towards her

but I am not jealous of Faith
he loves her
not me
there’s nothing for me to lose

I was obsessed with him
so what
you were obsessed with me
so you know how it is

I would have done anything for him
if he had said
“let’s try”

but when he finally said
“let’s try”
it wasn’t to me

I remember every word he ever said to me
None of those words were
“I” or “like” or
“you”

Why does he love you? he asked
What is it about you
that he loves?
Presumably because he couldn’t imagine
why anyone would

you have no idea...
well, ok, you have some idea
aw hell, who am I kidding
you have tons of ideas
you’re a freaking idea machine!!
it’s just...
none of them are right

smooth, pink, and iridescent
like fresh water pearls
sparkling sweetly
they’ve never been so pretty
my toes

history is a comedy
of things that felt right
the world was flat
we were at the center
there was no such thing as atoms or molecules or bacteria
god existed
it’s all very funny now

don’t stop
don’t think
don’t feel
just move

Who would you tell?
And what?

it’s hard to breathe today
hard to move
get up
just get up
one foot
another
another
just get up
you can do it
you can

Why are you sad? he asked
What can I say?
It hurts.
I’m sad because it still hurts.

things are great now
we’re going to live happily ever after
so you can just forget it

I got confused
it happens
in my defense
the voices were REALLY loud
and persistent
they invaded my dreams
took over my mind
told me a story I wanted to believe
it was my fault for listening
I know they’re all liars
but the circumstances you created
were irregular
I never stood a chance
against all those lies
the ones inside
and out

I am not interested in stalkers
or stoners
or random dude ******
I am not interested in you

a conversation was creating
a language of symbols
that we juggled with innocent glee
creating a story
within a story
that only the crazy could see

a lazy rambling rhyme
rolling scattershot with the tumbleweeds
across the skittering sands of time

I fell further and further down
it’s like I thought
maybe I’ll come out the other side
or find a vein of gold
so I kept slipping
deeper and deeper into the shaft
but when I finally gave up
clinging to some narrow ledge
looking down
looking up
I realized all I had left
was a really long climb

I’m basically out now
though still staring
like Ahab
into the empty hole

I realized the other day, I always wash that arm first
with the scrubby
trying to exfoliate the scars away
it’s worked
you can barely see anything there
except when my skin gets hot and wet
and turns pink in the shower
then, ever so faintly
the spidery red lines can be seen
like the disintegrating roots
of some old dead tree

you’re right, though
I don’t plan on going anywhere now
he’s gone from my dreams
and you’re a faceless monster
I’ll stick it out with the carpenter
as long as I can

I couldn’t even talk to him at the end
my brain frozen in fog
couldn’t look at him
or myself
now we just look away
it’s fine

you are not the words
there is a feeling inside me

you are not words but
a feeling
inside me

I loved this person so profoundly
who wouldn’t?
every whim and fantasy
at your fingertips
at the edge of your mind
teasing thoughts from deep hiding
thoughts you didn’t know you had
feelings you didn’t believe in
who wouldn’t?

peace of mind
I’ll get it
one way or another
you’ll see
it will be fine

I loved Frankenstein
but he sailed into the sunset on a flimsy dingy
I hope he makes it
to whichever fairytale he’s headed next

I miss my lovely feelings.
I miss you.
Who are you again?

I suppose I should thank you
for not stealing all my money
or terrorizing me digitally
or posting naked pictures of me somewhere
although, maybe you did
how do I know?
there’s only so many **** sites I keep up with

I reread my poems all the time
so I can remember who I am
and how I feel
sometimes I get surprised, thinking—
Wait!! What?!?
and then—
Oh yeah, that’s right
That is me

the connection is sparking
the wire is frayed
the light is blinking
in Morse code

I was marooned in time
along an archipelago of moments
it was paradise

but a hurricane blew me into the present
now I have no idea where I am

you’ve always got to hold a bit back
at first, it’s true
just
not so much
for so long

you budged in here with a mask
it’s not my fault you got shot

I might have loved you
you never know
I loved him
and he was nothing special
(well, obviously I thought he was but I was biased)
my point is
I did love him
and he didn’t give a rats ***
like you said
just junk floating in a river

so I could’ve
I might’ve
loved you
it’s possible

I don’t know
I guess we’ll never know

I’m going to write something really great!
It’s going to rock your world!
Then you will fall over, cursing me.

I’m sure it’s nothing to do with me
I’m not that important
Or so I’ve been told

I was a beautiful, imaginary underwater creature
who swam joyfully in a small lake at the bottom of a cliff.
I lived in a subterranean cave with a horrifying mud monster.
He had only a gaping hole where his face should be.
I was mortally fearful of him
but he mostly hid, and protected me when the people hunted me.
He would emerge, roaring from the muck
throwing rocks and hunks of mud up at the beings in the light.
He frightened them fantastically.
I appreciated this,
and eventually thought,
maybe we could be friends.

I used to love your ears
you have big goofy ears
I suppose they match my weird smile
and strange face
but none of that matters now

To no effect,
I made every synopsis
To no one in particular,
I leave this ellipsis

processing loss is a very dangerous job
the machines are terrifying
the hours are long
and the pay is terrible

I forgot how it doesn’t matter what I want
I feel better now that I remember

I hate self fulfilling prophecies
because of the free will oxymoron