don’t give me any buts
and I won’t give you any
except maybe one small ****
which is perfectly acceptable

I cannot reach past my skin today
my self stays inside the safe beautiful place
today I am the flower
not the gardener

the rainbow in the window is comforting
when I see it I feel secure
like everything is going to be ok
my heart beats a little looser
like a jungle drum at dusk
     a deep thrumming echo in a forest cathedral
sometimes I stare at it for too many seconds
captured by the mesmerizing peace
when I move on
I carry it as long as my heart can hold

I can barely take care of my self
let alone this whole house
but I’m glad it exists
I like the space
I like not feeling claustrophobic
I like the long walk from the kitchen
through all the rooms
up the stairs
through all the rooms
to the bathroom

there’s lots of potential in all the spaces
I have plans for every corner
every wall
murals and tapestries and furniture that doesn’t exist
or at least I’ve never seen anything like it
what’s in my mind
it all exists in my mind
even if in reality it’s just blank

I think my self is a lot like this

this day is grey
inside and out

I’m much too intoxicated to write this poem
the title is all I know
not any associated sentiment
what does it even mean?!?
surely
nothing