Show me a place
The place of light
Your inner grace
My inner most delite

I know I haven't the right
Yet still I dream of you at night
I dream of the first time we'd been introduced
That moment I was instantly seduced
I dream of you laughing
You're always smiling
Your every move graceful
Impossibly beautiful

I lay here now

I just want to love you

Questioning how

How could I have loved you

I want you
To be you
With me
Til eternity
Just us two
Me and you

I get it
Hopefully it brought you closure
Just understand this
I did as I did
For you
For you alone
It tore me apart
Far from the point
I'd done it all for you
I had to leave
My presence your toxicity
My absence your healing
Many things went unsaid
Most likely best that way
I do wish you well
Only ever
I could never be mad
Not with you
I wish you well
In health
In life
In love

At first she were just a girl
Beauty an understatement
Heart of purest gold
Mind of the highest Queen
In touch so gentle
A love too strong
In a world so cold
Apon you wish I only the greatest
For a love of mine you did become
Keep strong in faith
Your future guided
Toward great horizons you shall glide
Through waters of love
Showered with light
The positivity you unfurl
It'll lead you well
The greatest journey
I wish for you

I dreamt of you
I dreamt I lay aside you
Your head arest my chest
My fingers scribbling
I was actually writing
Writing about you
Your every beauty
From soul to being
Could I tell you this
Out of place
We're strangers now

Her faded touch
Etched deeply in memory
How must I carry such
For what never was mine
An evening alone
I lay beside her
Nothing in my mind
Not pain
No consequence
I felt only love
In a moment
Flashed images
An entire life
Never to be mine
How can I carry this
For what is most likely to be
Another man's wife

My pain
I will vanquish
This way the only i know
I'd saught for years
The greatest wisdom
An all powerful knowledge
To fix the world
Yet I failed
To fix me first
I'd lost myself
In you
Then I ran
Spluttering.
Speaking words
Lies from a dying heart
I've treated it so cruely
Denied my own love
More so the fact
You never needed me

Tearing me apart
Agonizingly steady
Self destructively
This a burden
This pain
I'll have to carry
In dedication
To the service
Of humanity
Rightiously
The right hand
Of God
My trials and tribulations
To have earned my place
In the Holy Lands
Where I oneday hope to see


You

Serafic
Golden in Aura
As beautiful as the day I first saw you
To hear you Laugh
Even just once more
To hear you lived a Happy life
To know your Soul will live Peacefully Forever
To know you've been Truly Loved
For all that ou are
For all You ever will be

What cruel items
Mirrors
Why would someone create such things
I looked in one today
The first time in months
Fearing what I'd see
I was right
I couldn't recognize that person
Eyes hollow
Skin porcelain
Face expressionless
Then to
Looking at old photos
Comparing
What happened to that guy
The one who loved
The one who cared
The one with a plan
Now callus
Eyes cold
Future unditermined
Life meaningless
Fading
This isn't what I wanted
Losing myself
I created this monster
This is what I am to live with
My burden

I can feel you
Forgetting me
I've never been
Happier
For you

If I could ask anything of God

Do I ask him to show you that you deserve only the greatest love in the world and I'm far from it or do I ask him for the means to give you only the greatest love in the world
To receive your love from another world

This morning I stood in the rain
Unafraid of illness
Not bothered by the cold
Something moved me
I couldn't explain what
Delusional again
I felt her
I felt her smile
I'd heard she was well
Someone told me she was happy

For the love that never was mine nor ever shall be

I am proud of you
You're doing great
Keep your chin up
You can handle anything
I ** you
I miss you

To thee I bid
Farewell
Tis best
I restrain
Further complications
Wish full avoided
I do love thee
Actions understood
I walk away
A final stride
Away from thou
The first true love
The friend I no longer have
I wish thee well
I wish
Prosperity
Love
Happiness
Qualities only found
In you

Have you ever met someone
Someone who's smile alone
Gave you peace
Joy
Love
The hope of a better world

I'm not very certain
What will come in the end
All I know is it involves a gun
And a pen

As I sit here drowning it all out
Crickets and cycada
Breaking the silence
The silence of you
Your many voices
Taken once as a blessing
No longer
Now I listen for the croaking toad
The cars driving by
Noises of the city
My overactive mind
Now at bay
When will the day come
The day I no longer hear you
The day I'm free
I'm not with you
I never was
I don't want this anymore
I need solace
I need you out of my head

Lost in the deepest forest
Of my clouded mind
Treversing rugged terrain
Climbing sheer cliff-faces
Then thinking of taking the short way down
Lost pretty much everything
Just my family
Keeping me going
Their wellbeing and your face
All that kept my step back
I couldn't hurt my family
I'll carry on as best I can
For the chance I see you
To show you I've been strong
Hopefully to see Happy
To say I'm proud of you
To hear you say you're proud of me

Oh how I've run
So so many times
I ran to the military
I ran away from you
Nothings ever hurt more
Not making selection
Roamed France
No path found
Returned
Anew
Redefined
Tweaked
Still wondering
Could I face you again
Even briefly
I guess time will tell
I just mustn't run
Not again

I know not
How much longer I can do this
How much longer I can carry this facade
I cannot do this
Without you
I had to though
I thought it'd be best
For you
This hole in my chest
Your absense
I don't know if I can do this
Weaker by the day
But I have to
For my family
I'm fighting everyday
Fighting for them
The way I wish I'd fought for you
Each day getting harder
Longer
Emptier
Colder
How do I go on
I really don't know
Call me dramatic
You could never understand
I miss you
I still love you
I can't live this way much longer
I need you
I've always needed
You

Traveled half way
Across the globe
Yet you're still with me
My head in turmoil
My heart a mess
Now coming home
Pulse slowing
Knees jittering
Apon this airport table top
Six hours to a flight
I wish not to board
Do I disappear
Do I climb aboard
Will I see you
Can I come home
To be without you

Where do I go
Knowing nothing
Not fearing death

Into the abyss
Devoid
Cold
I fit the picture now
I've lost it all
Truly Free
Independant
Fearless
Dangerous
Facing heights and cliffs with an urge
An urge to glide
Though for my family
I push through
The abyss
Atop my left shoulder
Guiding me
Through pain
Through silence
Through my sacrifice
The sacrifice I made of myself
My sanity
For you

Oh how hard it is to watch the person you love waste away with someone they don't truly love
Call it a hunch
It was in her eyes
I know what I saw
I know what I felt
So many things unsaid
So many chances passed away
So much love cast astray
The things I wish I could say
The things I'd never get to say
I just want to save you
The way you saved me

I broke the law today
Swimming in Gods creation
The Ocean
So calm
So graceful
Soothing my soul
The way you did
Simply sitting next to me
Talking
Keeping my mind busy
If only I'd reached out for you
The way I did in my strides
To take you in
To have you close to me
Feeling your heart beat against mine
To set weary souls at peace
I wish I'd have run my fingers along your arms
To have kissed you
Serene bliss
But just like the ocean
I had to walk away
Fearing I'd cause trouble
The way I always do

Why do I feel you
Everywhere I go
I've come to terms
With what I'd done
Although still
I feel the need to see you again
Even briefly
Although it's best not to
I think, I assume
But I hope still
To see you someday
To see you smile
To know you are okay
Even from a far
I just need to know you are okay

I dreamt I'd died
That I'd stood aside and watched my funeral
Only to see you there
I couldn't move
I couldn't speak
I was trapped
Watching you cry
It'd made me weak
To the point I woke
Only to cry myself
To sleep again