Phantom

Phantom May 2016

Time

I want to run away far enough where I can be free
Far enough till time has lost its grasp on me
We've become distant with all the responsibilities you hold
Nothing you say acts as a console
You’re always bounding outside living your life
While I'm locked up in prison juggling a knife

Phantom May 2016

Days like these

Days like these I want to cry
I want to throw away my life...

Days like these I want to be invisible
The temptation of a knife unbearable to resist...

Days like these I want to run away
Peel my skin slowly to numb the pain...

Days like these I want to scream at you
Watch my blood fall as it hits the floor giving me a brief moment of relief...

Days like these I know I can't go on
Your sewing my mouth shut when I try to plea I'm not who you think...

Days like these I don't have a reason to exist...
So I hang my head down in defeat and continue tolerating it for another day...
Why...?

for the past few days I haven't been able to open my mouth without being called a monster...why do I bother...

Phantom Mar 2016

Each night I wait for a brighter dawn

I'm drowning in my fears
Crying all these tears
The sadness overbearing
The messed up voices all I'm hearing
When will the abuse end?
Will this shattered soul deserve a friend?
Someone who does not treat me like an outlaw
But loves me for every part and pushes through my flaws
I can't take this on slaughter each night...
I'm breaking more with every fight...

I can't take this...

#sadness #lost #shattered

Phantom Jan 2016

My one wish...

Is this my consequence for making you mine,
If I could repeat, I would rewind back time.
Planning, hoping, wishing, only leads me to a path of failure,
It seems no matter how many times I pray, God won't be my savior.
My one wish, that on the day of my birth I wanted to travel to you,
But with the path I am destined to walk down, this wasn't meant to be true.
As a consequence in winning your heart,
Our long distant relationship will always stay apart.
Now i'm overflown with misery,
Cause the one journey to bring us together and make me happy is just a pile of *forgotten memories.

My plans to see my one true love have been shattered.
I feel i'm cursed because no matter how many times I plan things like this and my hopes rise up into the sky, they are always come falling right back down.
Now i'm miserable that I won't be able to see my boyfriend.
Is it so wrong to see your love for the sake of seeing him in front of you...Not behind a computer screen...
I just wanted to make this special, I wanted to do something for once, to prove to him that I can...To show him how much he means to me.
I needed this for me...

#shattered #misery #cursed #longdistantrelationships

Phantom Jan 2016

Mother

Abused by mother is the life I bear,
With a mask of happiness I have to wear.
Expectations are never achieved and judgement is strong,
This life I've come to live I know is very wrong.
Simple praise I've grown up to known be lies,
Mother stands tall and looks down on me in hatred and begins to criticize.
This unfortunate labyrinth through life has been a norm for quite a while,
Yet others from an outside view now point out all the flaws in this lifestyle,
I cannot tame the wild beast that rages in her heart,
Maybe it was from my existence this began to spark.
I strive to do my best for mother everyday,
But all she does is shake her head and look away.
One day, the words, scars, and tears will be sealed,
But the wounds in my heart will forever be unhealed.

I try to keep my mother happy but it only allows her to find more ways to get angry and judge me. I show her my achievements and she tells me to work harder, I do exceptional but I'm not the daughter she wanted to give birth to. Nobody should have to go through this or deal with it, but in the end she is still my mother and I love her.