First tug
First kiss
First this
First that
First love
First obsession
First everything
First nothing

Join the guard
Hide the guns
this is mine and mine to bargain
im still and holding the gaping, breaking, scarring bottle
of ***
dumb *** in the stomach of a dumb drunk
waking up dead
keeping down in the hole
water ****** through the limbs of trees
stars piercing the sky of immense black
light breaks through the night
dim lights of a fluorescent bulb
training souls of the fear that comes with the unknown
my soul is still and dark and wanting more
dark that will remain blind and pure
holy is the air and sky binding to our plain
my reality is as fake as my senses
im tortured in this time and still my mind is awake
i just want to sleep for the better
better things lay in the stale dreams that i have
recurring is the blight of disease
im awake and i have to see it
my people are hurting
and i
i have to stay awake to see them scream
these nightmares seem so real
as my love rips my heart
as my love hurts me
im still yours my mentor

i don't hate you
i can't love you
i'm sorry
but i've loved you
i just wanted you to know
i'm so sorry i never told you so

I am not the one for you,
Nor you the one for me.
We are not each other's halves,
No puzzle piece or key.

I am not your mother's love,
Nor you my perfect mold.
My heart is not your tambourine
To play as we grow old.

We are not the perfect match,
The blue of oceans deep.
When will I confess to you
The love I cannot keep?

waking up with the windows shut
no light making it's way through
a job well done at blocking it's path

not wanting it to be real
this awakening
curse these eyes that dare to open
and start a new day

curse this body
that knows when the sun is up
even if it can't be seen

sleep is wishful thinking now
perhaps a more permanent solution

even though giving up
was never a realistic option

I want to sleep, but I can't.
I've always been told that life is short and that we use a third of it sleeping,
so I make mine longer,

I go days,
hallucinating,
wondering whether or not that hand waving from around the corner was real,
my brother's like to play games,

I hear screams sometimes,
they sound terrible,
suffering that I've never imagined before enters me and my mind,

only after a few days does the suffering come,
only after a few days does it tears me apart,
it's instant,
euphoria floats over me,

I can feel it preparing,
gotta stop it,
can't let a second go to waste,


I sit and twiddle with my fingers,
breath faster,
I try to stay aleart until my next wind,

raaaaaaawrg,
yelling helps sometimes,
not always though,

I didn't have to close my eyes,
it started happening while I was alert,
I didn't even realize it,

the worlds mesh together sometimes with no warning,

jolts go through me,
I can't remember what I was doing,
am I driving?

it's hard,
I can't keep my thoughts focused,
everything wanders,
time slows,

this is the good part,
I start to see the intent that everything has,
I believe I can see into the future,
I see the mistakes I'll make,

It's a game sometimes,
Lets see how long I can go,
my body tires after the first few days,
I keep going,
sometimes weeks pass,

I never remember what's going on,
my speech is rushed,
I twitch,
keep going,
eventually sleep takes over,
it always does.

I was in love with anatomy
the symmetry of my body
poised for flight,
the heights it would take
over parents, lovers, a keen
riding over truth and detail.
I thought growing up would be
this rising from everything
old and earthly,
not these faltering steps out the door
every day, then back again.

You are a revolution
To help inspire
Societies  all across the world.

greatness is in the inside and can come
from anywhere .. Even from the littlest kid
with no care . Your life is what you make it
Its your choice to take it ! Live it up great