I don't know if you even look at my page here anymore Stephen.

If you do though, I want you to see this.
I want you to know you'll always be a special person in my eyes.
I can never forget or break the bond we do share.

Things are different now. But please remember thats life, we change and so do situations.

I'll never disrespect you to anyone. I'll always have your back. And as long as I'm breathing you will never be alone. It's a big *** world and I know you feeling alone but sometimes you gotta walk by yourself to get back home.

I love you all my heart. Please hold it down and stay strong.  Your family is counting on you.

After all of it
Every year
Every milestone
All for a quick bust
That you didnt even get
Goes to show us
No matter how close they will hurt you
Purposefully

Its hard to let go
Its hard to walk away
After all these years
All this pain
Love
Confusion
After all of it
I still have to walk away
All because
You never prioritised me
All these years
I was truly yours
But you were never mine

Don't cry
Don't cave
Don't
Absolutely never
Become maniac
In their presence

The pressure is there
But fall apart when no one is looking
Have those thoughts while
No one is there to care

Care for yourself in those times
Take a shower
Wash it off

Most people seem to be able to cry
When in the shower

Their safe place i guess

But me

It doesnt come so easy
All the water everywhere and all
As if everything along with me
Drowning

My mania catches up
Something i hate having
I hate dealing with
I hate having to try to explain
To try to see understanding in others eyes

To see a future along side someone

Someone that can help me.

Maybe its feeling comfortable
I know you
Or at least i like to think i do
...
Maybe its the familiarity
To be honest
I cant figure it out
...
But what i do know
Ill smile when i see you pull up

Arent mothers suppose to rejoice
Arent we suppose to love our life

Because i can tell you now
I dont feel love in my home.
I dont feel love in my heart.
Im cold.
I look at her and i hate myself
For not being good enough
For not doing enough
For not loving myself enough to be a happy mother.
I hate that men get to choose when to participate and when to leave.
But us mothers.
We got a duty and a responsibility.
Not a light one either
Im scared.
Im alone.
But i will not let her go without
With a heavy heart and heavy limbs
Ill keep moving forward for her to know that loving yourself is the way to greet this world with arms open wide.

In this life
I simply wish
Upon every dying star;
☆
To always stay within the classification
Of those
Who strive
,Maybe even thrive,
☆
To forever take my gentle time
To sniff the flowers;
Wild, self grown; any flower grown
☆
Even supposing our noses at blocked

I love you

How are you suppose to love yourself
When you cannot even stand who you are

I hate every inch of who ive grown to be
I hate the sound of my heavy feet
The cracks my voice makes due to insecurity i hold

Ive never known a gentle touch to my heart
Yet i yearn for it
For a feeling ive never had
I wish so badly to posses such a love

Understanding is not always comfortable

...

This world is not nice

These things i do
Is how i survive the world they put me in

It only hurts when i try to sleep

You'll always be someones bad guy
But
That doesn't mean you are a bad guy

Its all in the name of emptiness

Dont hesitate.