i'm lost at sea

today
i saw you.

and it wasn't like
before.

before is over,
before cannot ever
come back.

we're in the
present now, where
we pretend that
"us"
had never even
existed.

i fall back

not knowing where
it would take me

once i was 7 years old
my momma told me

*"go make some friends or else you'll be lonely"

every morning
she thinks
of how he is
and hopes
he's well
every night
she dreams
of his love
she'll never receive


                                                                                                         every morning
                                                                                                                   he thinks
                                                                                                            of how she is
                                                                                                                 and hopes
                                                                                                                  she's well
                                                                                                               every night
                                                                                                                 he dreams
                                                                                                                of her love
                                                                                                   he'll never receive

i ask myself
*what am i doing here?

one day it will all make sense

but after a while
the small cuts become
big ones
and after a while
it doesn't really help
anymore so
you start finding other ways
to destroy yourself
like never sleeping and
drinking too much liquor and
kissing strangers and
letting your friends slowly drift away

i'm fine