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Nickols Sep 2014
There's an ***** missing in my body.
Right between my heart and lungs.
An empty space filled in by bone and blood.

It should be there,
Instead,
it pains me that it's simply not.
A missing section of myself and my fellow humans, lost to evolution.

There's an ***** missing in our body.
An empty space between the heart and lungs.
A vital piece of something important,
That we've all mistakenly forgotten.

There's a piece missing.
The section between heart and lungs.
An ***** that can compute the pangs of lust and lack of oxygen,
when falling in love.
I blame my phone for the typos.
Nickols Mar 2014
This poison is intoxicating. A drug sending you into the oblivion. Enraptured by the taste and the feeling of impeccable deliverance. It's just what the doctor order, a spoonful of laced sugar. A placebo effect with nothing but the risk of cancer eating away your insides. Green in color, like the skin beneath the coating of a candy apple. It enters your system like a rock through a glass window. Shattering reality, while constructing a world of make believe.  

This addiction is poisoning. An intoxication crawling inside her veins. The ever present itching there just below the girls pale skin. Waiting for her next fix.

One more hit...
Just one more.
O'please, give me more.
More;
more;
more;

This poison is blinding, an addiction of the soul. The disorder of the weak mind, with nothing else to hide.

One more hit...
Just one more.
O'please, give me more.
More;
more;
more...
© Victoria
Nickols Oct 2016
It wasn't until her back was turned,  she realized her grave mistake. His knife slipped in silently between her ribs. With little effort it pierced her heart. The shock and shame. The ridicule, it was all the same.

She died knowing where to lay the blame.
Nickols Aug 2015
... My phone to death...
Nickols Nov 2013
Tell me about the world through my dreams... A green meadow blowing on the breeze of your sneeze.
The blue river flows within a see through view.

Tell me of the meaning within my dreaming ... On which side of wanting  does the world bleed into.
Both are cruel, and simultaneously in good. When love hurts within transitions into a mission of self deliverance.

Tell me of the world through my dreams... A Nefelibata in nature. Soaring far over head. With clouds of white as my wings. I fly... Until all is lost.
And I awake.

-then-

I
Fall
To
Earth
© Victoria
Nickols Sep 2013
Dull lips give way to a finely sharpened tongue.
Soft skin slides underhand like roughly hidden scales.

You asked of me to bare my blood.
 Both times I cut my veins for you.
Both times you asked for more
And I bled once again,
for you, my Prince.


A hand touches my soul; held within the demons greedy paws.
All the while,  I wonder why, I let you continue to rein over me.
An insufferable plague you have bestowed over my brow.
Nay...
My heart.

My heart quakes from Lust's tightening grip.
My veins bleeding for you...
A card dealt from the sleight of a devils right hands.
A dagger in the left, aimed for the back.

- Hark -

The call of darkness beckons me on-wards.
Calling me home through the red fog and the vile pit of hatred.

When you asked for me; I was yours.
Then, when you asked for another,
I withdrew...


You are an enigma, in your entirety.
Oh, sweet angel
burden with a devils twisted soul.
You shall burn forlorn in a delightful blue flame.

*Alas, ask once more my Nephilim Prince.
Ask;
and I shall bleed my veins for you.
This was inspired from me playing Devil May Cry way too much. Call me a fangirl, and I'll probably just laugh and agree. *le sigh* I think I might have a cartoon crush on Dante. (so there in fact, Virgil as well because they are twins) *sighs and shakes head at self*
Nickols Sep 2014
There was a moment when I thought you saw me.
Royal blues tracing the arches of my cheeks,
the space between my lips and nose.

I thought you saw me.
A moment in time,
A single moment in time.
I thought you saw me.

Was I wrong?
Probably... most definitely.

When you turned and walked away...
I knew then...

You never saw me at all.
Nickols Oct 2013
Word spoke in malice,
turn to silver as they roll off the tongue maniacally.

Intention of a depraved notion swivel backward in their motions.
Evil succumbing to the power of provocation.
The sin and burden of wrathful anger trickled down into one simple action.  
An act of devotion...
The willful way of degradation.
Hypersensitive reaction to the extraction.
Asking to be acquitted of your transgression...
How does a Devil ask an Angel to condone such an act of wickedness?
Trespassing on unhallowed ground, and living within a ****** lie.
The error of time...
Feathers of white on a whim of a demon.

When does the madness of your demise separate oneself from the act of humanity.
In death?
Or in the will to live?
These question have been asked from the beginning of time.
The answer are yet, still to be found.
Find solace within yourself.
Stop letting the sins of others weigh into uneven hands.
They're not your's to own or to even know.

In lieu the knowledge I have bestowed.
Go forth and live your life.

Happy, peaceful and in the never ending search of grace.
This is about fighting the darkness within your self. Resisting temptation and finding inner peace.

© Pandarra
Nickols Oct 2013
This is not a love poem, nor is it a crescendo of romance.
This is a story of scorn.
Pain and sadness.

Love was once what I felt.
A deep emotion running through my veins.
But that's what was, and the now is neigh-
For no love could survive this endless silver storm.

This isn't a lovers tale. Nor is it a chance to redeem which as already failed.
I writing this to let you know. That I haven't broke.
That each day the sun rises and I am fine.

So, this isn't a love poem.
But a reminder: I am still standing tall.
And my love belongs only to me.
Love- A.  an intense emotion of affection, warmth, fondness, and regard towards a person or thing
           B. deep feeling of ****** attraction and desire

© Victoria
Nickols Nov 2012
"Go forth, little one." I said as I reached my hand up-towards the heavens. A single **** escapes my unclasped hands towards the sky, and then beyond. Soaring tactfully on the cool breeze.
"You're free at last." And at that very moment, the last of my ***** were given.

*Fin
© Victoria
Nickols Apr 2014
At first if you don't succeed...
Well that *****,
because that would never be me.
© Victoria
Nickols Mar 2014
I'm just done.
Today was lame.
It being never ending.
So, I am finished.
No more.
The end.
Goodbye.
Glad it's over.
Never to experience it again.

Too much ******* from everyone.
Nothing wanted to work.
A screaming grumpy kid.
With copious amount of lack of sleep.

I am just done.

This isn't a cry for help.
or me begging for attention.

I am just done with today.
© Victoria
Nickols Oct 2014
The party's over.
My makeup left fading, the remembrance of something beautiful.
My black dress is on the floor, replaced by your warm arms.
I shared a bed with you, a surface not made for two.
Snuggled under the same blanket.
A single pillow for our heads.
I felt your warmth through the night.
A strong presence at my back.
Your nose crowning into my hair.
We slept pressed together, our body twining with one another.
I slept with you last night.

The party may be over, but I'm still here with you in a bed not made for two.
Nickols Mar 2017
Forced to sit on idle hands,
       watching as the snake slips
                    belly first inside your home.
                                  Into his place, his life, your wife.


Oh, what a life he's stolen.
Nickols Jun 2014
My heart has many rooms,
I occupy but a few.
The rest go unvisited.
Till the light began to flicker on
and I've discovered a new part of me.
Take my hand,
lead me through the mazes of hallways.
Show me the rooms,
I've constructed for you.
Inhabit it.
Feed it with your passion of life.
Till my heart is lit ablaze from it.
Light each room with your warmth.

Make my heart into our home.
© Victoria
Nickols Mar 2013
There once was a boy named "Odd." And he was a very strange, indeed.

People used to laugh at his name, so he decided to leave his
gravestone bare of his burden.

But now you see, when people pass over his burial site, they point and wonder with a backward smile and say, "How Odd and very strange, indeed?"
Nickols Mar 2017
Dream as if you will live forever;
endeavor to rise from the ashes.

Live as if you'll die tomorrow;
devise a plan because there will be
an invariable end.

Tomorrow might rise...
and hell, the world will still be turning,
but tomorrow might not come...
and today was all I had.

I knew I tried my best
and dreamed as if I'd live forever.
and lived as if I'd die tomorrow.
Nickols May 2014
We all dance to the beat of a drum.
Our rhythm of life.
The sound, the pattern...
pounding within our chest.

We live,
we breath,


Spending our whole life,
looking for a certain cadence.
A beat to match our pulse.
It isn't until our hearts merge
that the pattern turns into a song.

A measure of first love,
the tempo of a kiss.
Flowing together in a musical harmony.

We dance,

Whistling together,
the sweet tune of ours.
A movement of passion,
the melody of marriage.

and we die

Changed forever,
as the song fades out.
Our souls made music together.
One, epic ballot.
To my loving husband.
© Victoria
Nickols Jul 2014
The past hurts like an ocean made up of opaque glass.
And you asked me to exist within the shatter-jagged fragments.
An amphibious creature,
Breathing the pain through shredded gills.
Numbed, bruised and bleeding.
Wounds are what they called them.
Battle torn from a thousand different edges.
Don't you feel them?
  The watery shards wedging into your sides,
  Piercing your lungs of the will to exhale.
I feel it, like rough hands upon my neck;
  Tearing through my flesh.  
  Slipping down my throat.
Till I'm choking on red.

You asked, and I confessed.
My passions, the black and the blue.
Inhaling the wine-water,
I want to save you.
Even with an ocean of glass standing in my way.
I want to save you.
Swimming and swimming, until this agony bled away.
I wanted to save you.
Even though I knew I couldn't.
*I wanted to be the one to save you.
Nickols Dec 2014
When you touched me,
I died a thousand tiny deaths.
Hand up my dress,
I sung for you.
Lips on my flesh,
I danced under you.

I cried your name to the heavens.
My sins, to the skies.
Lain sprawled on my back,
as my body shook ever higher...
Ever tighter.

Stroke the tender, to light the pyre.
Touch the torch, to ignite the fire.
Burning. Burning. Burning.

Let us burn.
Burn in the sweetest fire
known to man.

The pleasures,
The depravity,
The lechery,
The insanity.

An original sin;
but a sin we will
all
eventually
revel
in.
Nickols Aug 2014
I'm tired of being judged.
It's simple.
You do not know me.
You know nothing of my life,
My struggle.
The pain,
The Joy I feel.
Nothing of my journey through the burning pits of fire.
Nothing of my lips caressing the one's I love.

Until the moment I say, "hello, it's nice to meet you," you know nothing of me.
Not the color of my eyes,
Nor the freckles decorating my skin.
The feelings and emotions flowing within my veins, are not yours to judge or own.

Keep your backward opinions to yourself.
I know who I am;
A strong, passionate woman draped in the color of red.
Nickols Jan 2014
She's Broken.
© Victoria
Nickols Nov 2018
Her body only existed where he touched her.
Twisting and writhing to his hands upon her flesh.
The rest of her evaporated into smoke.
             Dispersing into the nights air from a masterstroke
Nickols Jun 2014
I believe in the words that never past my lips.
Things- I wish I had the courage to say.
I believe in the beating, beating, beating of your steady heart.
The pain I went through, just to taste the salt of your flesh.

What a mistake.

I believe in yesterday and the day before.
I also believe your pride,
was the one in the way.

My death.
I felt it over and over, twice more...
You- you, sir... the one who walked away.
The one who stood watching
as I dissipated into the darkness below.

I believe in today, the motion of moving forward.
A single good day, for it not to be okay.

I'm gone, ash melted into the earth.
I have died so many times,
felt each death from the strength in your hands.

I've believed in yesterday and tomorrows morrow.
I've believed in you and the beating of ones heart.
I've believed in my death as the rock bashed my head.

Never have I merely believed
I could survive and come out alive...
No wounds, no bruise.
Just a healthy smile.

I stand here now on the precipice of today and tomorrow.
The out come may be inevitable,
but I stand in the here and now.

The one who is standing-up tall and proud.
Nickols Oct 2023
Tell me what you want me to say? Tell me what you want me to be. I'll play pretend. If it gets you looking at me again.
Nickols Jan 2015
I've taken special precaution to protect myself.
Meaning, I don't give my email to people I do not know.
My phone number is clutched to my chest.
Even my real name is never disclosed.

I live by pseudonym.
Pandarra,
Pandakin
or simply just Panda.
And'
If that's not to your liking.
Try;
Vearena,
Vearona
or even Vea.
I have lots of names,
all of them a mouthful
as they roll off your tongue.

I live with precautions,
to keep people at bay.
Too many idiots and pervert
now-a-days.
But that's not the worst,
heathens and **** dwell
as well.
People who are working the angles
to make a quick buck or two
off the naive and the unknowing.

So learn from me well;
live with precautions.
Keep people at arms length,
because then, and only then,
can they not
sink their teeth in.
Watch out for scammers. They are lurking around on HelloPoerty.  Never disclose your private information to ANYONE on the internet.
Nickols Mar 2017
I was five when I asked my mother,
while holding a box of crayons,
"What color is me?"
She smiled and explained I was the color yellow;
radiant and life giving.

I grew, and grew, and when I was ten I asked my mother again,
"What color am I?"
She leaned really close.
Looking me up and than down.
"Blue," she spoke.
"The color of the skies and sea's.
Vast in wisdom and deep with honesty."


When I was fifteen
and started to come into myself,
I asked my mother again,
"What color am I this day?"
She looked at me, reading me as if I was  book.
"Red. You are the color red.
Unshakable with passion but uncertain in your strength."
  

The year I turned twenty, my life was barely beginning.
I was filled with such trepidation about moving away from my family.
I asked my mother, standing in the threshold of our home,
"What color am I now?"

My mother paused in her answer,
her eyes seeing something I never would or could.
A smile spread on her tired face,

"My darling little girl,"

She spoke touching my cheeks.

"You are the color of the sun, yellow; radiant and life giving.

You are the color of the skies and sea's, blue; vast in wisdom and deep with honesty.

You are the color red; unshakable with passion, and most certain in your strength.

My bright and shining daughter,
you are a rainbow for all to see.
this dayThis was written for my mother. She is always there to help me. She is my bestfriend and she has given some of the best advice in my life. I love her dearly. Now and always!
Red
Nickols Aug 2015
Red
I've never seen blood,
When he sold me an ocean.
A wonderland of lust,
swaying me like a sirens song.
Losing myself out,
in the rolling sea of
red.
Nickols Oct 2023
You cant see
red flags
when wearing
rose-tinted glasses.
Nickols Oct 2023
Looking back, in hindsight, without my rose tinted glasses.
I could see all the red flags I've missed from the start.
Red flag sad betrayal love loves to enemies
Nickols Oct 2015
The lady in white turns and my gaze runs over her, I was taken aback—

This mysterious woman was like the missing puzzle piece of the black and white picture lain out in a lack of color. She is a classic beauty. Her face has all the sharp angles and the perfect pout of her red up-turned mouth, but it was her eyes which captured me.

They are actually… Actually, the color of a persimmon fruit and like a persimmon fruit; which is very flavorful if eaten at the right time of year but very astringent if eaten wrongly. This woman’s redden eyes churn with a sweet taffy, a chaotic intent bubbling below.

The sound of her mystical voice drifts towards me like glass wrap in sensual silk, poised to strike but yet a feminine edge to it.

"Hello..."
Nickols Jan 2014
I regret.
I told you to go
and then you listen to me.

You went and I thought, "Maybe this is for the best. This is how I get over you"

I regret.
And it hurts so bad,
watching the two of you so in love.

I regret.
That moment in time.
When I didn't tell you, "I'm in love with you."
Nickols Nov 2012
A bleak motive, turning in a black backwards motion.
Fluent in rushing, pursuant in the crushing.
Ebony wood, the serenity compared to the knife.
A stifling recollection, within the house of corrections.
Was it a natural selection, gazing within the angel's reflection?
Garbed in white, and in her conviction.

A change of direction, now...

The resurrection of our mutual affection,
Was it over protection, or was it just mental rejection?
The pain was only an imperfection, built within all our disconnection.
My sense of direction gone within your vertical selection,
left with words- sharp like a needle;
sticking an intravenous injections.

So, should I offer my protection? Moments, within sight of the point of intersection?

No, keep on...
Keep on spreading the **rejection infection.
Nickols Oct 2012
A pile of miles, standing before my eyes.
Watching waiting as the denial excape down the endless miles. And onwards into a weary smile.
© Victoria
Nickols Jul 2014
The holy pages burnt slowly as it drew you closer into a darken rapture of sorts.
Ashes and soot crumbling from a wayward vessel, down into you, the sacrificial lamb.

You burnt the sacred pages. The fluttering flecks of a religion scattered around your scarred and bleeding feet. The enlightenment you sought was nothing but a false ploy; a world of innocents to crumble and deploy.

Balefully cries linger on the opening of trepidation. With the wingspan of purgatory, wrapped in nefarious black silk.

You!

You, virtuous martyr...

Abbadon's gate, with it's scaly arms, stands open and wide, deceitfully at the ready.

*The question is; Are you willing to pay for your deceitful sins?
Nickols Aug 2014
It hurts seeing your eyes fading into black.
The darkest of color blurrin your burning pits of blues.
Red rim lashes,
And tears catching the glare.

It hurts.
But mostly it's saddening.
Nickols Apr 2014
Night is but a word for the darkness that roams with men and the lands.

The song of the winds sparkling with a woman's tears unshed.
His blanket drapes her in the pitch of night.

A cure basks within the lady's eye.

Salt water.

The tears, made salty by the churning sea.
Cry the river dry.
Bewail until all is nigh.

The night is coming.
The darkness foretold.
Beware the madness
with a daggers fine edge.

Night may be just a word.
But the wickedness is true within man's might.

The sun will rise to cleanse the lands.
Daylight breaks and the word changes.
The faith of the worshipers dancing amongst the shining vivid rays.

The danger has passed.
Be still her fleeting heart.

But be wary,
dear maiden of mine.
For the darkness of the night will soon befall again.
© Victoria
Nickols Nov 2012
Grey clouds billow from your plum mouth.
A painful memory hanging in the swirls.
Times forgotten list; names scrawled in evil's ink.
Linked to your past indifference's.
For-going, all rhythm or rhyme.

I wish of you, Damon;
To be a purest of heart-
Not selfish, an self serving,
But one owning forgotten presavasion.

Continue your demon ways, smoking your damnation-
Scribbled with hazy mazes, rippling forth.

I beseech thee--
Save yourself from this sin.

But at last, show me mercy, scorched angel.
Rip this rusted dagger from my back-
Let me bleed this infection from my very soul.

No more, I tell you.

Let me be at rest.
Again, on a vampire kick. Don't judge me >,<

© Victoria
Nickols Jan 2015
I'll touch the notion with cation.
Hands held behind my back,
I'll skim the rack of knowledge.  
Article by article.
I'll read without touching it.
Eyes flicking over the pages and pages.
Till I'm understand what's the meaning of
self inflicted rage, really is all about.
Nickols Apr 2017
I didn't start existing to you, until a moment ago when you started reading the words I am writing.
A random person behind the poetry lines.
A thought turned into an idea to read.
I don't know you.
and you don't know me.
but for a moment we exist together with letters and words scrolling through a white paper occurrence.

I give the meaning, and you illuminate the reason.
A give and take kind of semblance of a relationship.

I'll never meet you face to face, nor will I ever feel your hand in my own.
But for a moment we existed together in harmony.

and it was wonderful!
Nickols Nov 2014
"No." I beg of you.  For I've already sinned by far too much. Merely looking at you, touching your skin with only my eyes. Your face behind my closed lashes, trying to engrave your memory. Every freckle, every blemish, creases, lines or scars. I've sinned by far. My thoughts of you, circling within my brain, are not of innocent notions but powerful in our intimate devotions.

Please I beg of you... Take me backwards in slow motion. So, I might get to relive the moments. This time without emotion. To rewrite the blight upon our plight into our new separate life's...  

I beg, no more.
Nickols Sep 2012
Indulge me, Sweet lady;
For I know no barrier, could hold me abay.

Indulge me, Kind maiden;
For I am the unfathomable edge you walk upon.

Indulge me, Shy madam;
For I will vindicate all the unjust done upon you.

Indulge me, my Fair child;
For you are my Eve to my serpent infested apple.

And for we are intwinded, twisted and molded.
together locked in a hoop, a circle never ending.

So, inlighten me, sweet lady--

Could you ever indulge me?
=^.^=

© Victoria
Nickols Nov 2013
Under the shade of a tree, I can see the world.
Unadulterated colors, bleeding between then lines of society.
Lounging in the depths, soaking up the cool, cool cloak of solitude.
Masked proportion of land, dipping beneath the heat of a comets flare.
God's favorite creation, walking under the sun, melting away in a job well done.

But from the shade of my tree, I can see the world.
Not a bead of sweat befalling my brow.
No shades of luminous ribbons, blaze through my shadows.
My blue eyes, the only ray forgoing all rhyme or rhythm.

I watch the world from behind the line of light.
The untold story, of a girl battling that fight...
© Victoria
Nickols Jun 2014
I hate this feeling of dread creepin through my soul. There is no reason, other then I'm falling off the edge into shallow waters.
Nickols Dec 2014
"I love you." Oh God, just **** me now. She thought as the unfathomable words occured from her mouth.
It was neither the time, nor the place to speak such phrases but the words kept tumbling out. Rocks sliding down the cliff side, the words kept coming.

"I love you, and I know you don't return the endearment..." Oh God, let the ground swallow me whole. Mortification burnt the girls face but her words came still.

"I needed to tell you... My soul is festering on such a rhyme. I can't take it. You had to finally know."

And as the girl stood there, face burning in shame unimaginable. The most peculiar thing occurred. The boy reached out with a sweet, simple smile and replied, "I love you too, you bone-head... Didn't you know?"

And in that moment everything was good, everything was right.
Moral of the story. Believe in love, believe in other people's love for you. For if the end comes and you haven't spoken the truth and you've suffered in silence. How will you ever know if your feelings are returned, or not?

Speak up. Say it loud. Be proud of your love because it's a magical feeling.
Nickols Oct 2013
Eyes of different colors meet. A golden haze, on the greenest of blue. A glance of a dance unintentionally met. A sheath and a silver sword, crossing until two become one. Pupils once closed as they dilate, with a minds so alive its no longer sedate. Our hearts move in sync, with intentions blocked with a knowing shield. Will you surrender... A fight; a dance, our feet moving as one? Parry the attack, with the sunder of mighty virtue. A blade wielding the sun, and a hammer of waning moons. The power of both- an unlimited control of blacken destruction.

Until two become one.
© Victoria
Nickols Oct 2013
A face within the shadows. Held before the high Queen, a perched Angel on her shoulder. Watching from above in woe. She died held within his wings of sorrow. Feathers of white, adorn her ****** head a crown. Eyes of candle lit affliction touched her ******* as it no longer rose, to fall.

Warned- of the consequence for showing any empathy. This Angel turned from the benediction of his once reverent Father. Emotions unlike no other, traced his soul with a grace of its own. His beloved Queen: the one who moved him so far from the radiant Light. Now lain to rest in a nameless plot.

He was warned of these sorts of emotions. Warned of what would befall the cause...

Now see here, this is where our dreadful tale comes to a harsh & grievous ending... A punishment befitting the sinful crime. The mark; of the fallen. A brand, burnt into the Angel's flesh. The ungodly sign of his corruption, for all his brethren to bare witness. Stripped of his God given wings, this accursed angelic creature was banished from heaven... Where he belong, out amongst the other sinners and the fallen.

**Fin
This is a story of love and heartache. A passion which burnt too bright, and snuffed it'self out before its own time. Whether or not you believe in love, the consequences of your actions will always out weigh your wants and desires.

© Victoria
Nickols Oct 2013
It's beautiful underneath.
This place where I can not breathe.
Water fills my lungs and I cry from the glory of it.
A free-floating, blue vision playing through my body.
The waves constructed a symphony of motions,
with my heart being the leading instrument.
My vision dims with the fading adagio end tempo.  
It's beautiful underneath.
This place where I can not breathe.
It's beautiful...
Beautiful.
Beau...
...
..
.
Till my sights grow dark and I'm merging on with grace.

© Victoria
Nickols Aug 2015
It made his gut churn with the familiar sensation.
Guilt.
Quilted with humiliation.
A rope knotted in irritation.
Hitch after stitch,
trepidation grew,
until he could feel it in his toes...
Snippet.
Nickols Aug 2014
Just give me a reason,
to get my heart beating.
As the world falls apart around us,
all we can do is hold on
and take my hand.

I'd risk everything for you,
reaching into the denial,
risking loosing my mind.

Just reach for my hand.

You might call me crazy,
but I'd stand on the edge,
till there's nothing left,
waiting for the end.

Say another word,
because I doubt I could hear you,
with the silence between us.

Just reach for my hand.

I'd do anything for you,
while asking "why are you such trouble?"
From our first kiss,
your eyes held wide...
(why were they open?)

Just give me a reason,
to get my heart beating.
As the world falls apart around us,
all we can do is hold on
and take my hand.

Just reach for me.
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