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I can not control the actions of others
I can only control me
A lifelong task to do my part
Choosing the
energy
Emanate from in my core
The vibe that others get
A feeling that is positive

Tuned frequency that’s set

Harmonic tone in the chorus
The Universe’s choir
Be kind for just the sake of it
With nothing more desired
No expectations preconceived
Mindset on others placed
The smallest task; the largest deed
Can quickly be erased

If when complete there’s no return
Signaled acknowledgment
So you rebuke with scoff or scowl
Good deed out window went
If something’s the right thing to do
Then do it just because
You know it’s right and should be done

A life fulfilled you’ve won
Written: April 17, 2018 (started) & June 16, 2018 (finished)

All rights reserved.
When a rose bud is born... It slowly raises it's head...
Like wise was my tiny baby s sleeping closed eyes.. deep in sleep..

The stark deep red rose bud comes out of the green...
The same was the brightness of my son... Spotless, shining, serene..

The bud blooms,
That bright, glowing, strong petals
Likewise was the skin of my son... Like a shining sun..

But alas we love the young buds a far too much
We cut it and put in in vase
I am here staring at a bud like that in a hospital,
From behind the glass wall I am staring both.... I am reading innocence of both...

In NICU, my son is sleeping, lost in between the pipes which is giving him life,
The bud too in the vase thinking of it's mother...yearning to be in arms of it's mother..
The *** that holds it's mother out side.. Is also waiting for it to return...maybe!!
May be scared to bloom another bud....
The pain of losing is thr for both of us...
To loose is easy
To live in uncertainty is not...

How does a new born baby feel...I  know not...
How to satisfy day old baby s hunger ....I know not..
How is a 6th day* celebration done I know not...
How does it feel to bathe a new born...I know not...

What I know though
Is that my new born is sleeping in NICU
I have been staring him from glass for past one month
I will wear clean, sterilized clothes am ushered to be near him..
For few seconds... Once in 24 hrs... My maternal love becomes alive...
Though I go near him, cameras are thr, I cannot touch him, I can feel his breathing..I can see him sleeping...
My hands behind..
Face covered with mask..
I gaze at him with blurred eyes,
I give him love of both his dad* and myself...

Just for that moment...
Both of us again stand behind that glass wall
We show our son to all those who pass by
We hide our tears behind our smiles..
We stand again in wait thr...

When I took my month old baby in my arms for first time....
He is still the same, he looks still the same...
How are these wonders of universe, the creators..
How can a colorful life become color-less..
Each day, each moment some where a new bud is born..
A new creation everyday...

Sparkle in Wisdom
* sixth day...a celebration done in India.. done after 6th day of birth of new born... When they start wearing new dresses..

*Daddy was not allowed inside NICU.. Only I was allowed to go in. Once a day for few seconds.

I translated this from the original nanhi Kali... That I posted in Hindi...

The original I wrote after 5 years of birth of my son... While I remembered... The time spent in hospital at his birth.
नन्ही कलि जैसे संसार को देखने के लिए,
अपना सर उठाती है,
ठीक वैसे ही मेरे नन्हे की आँखें थी टुक टुकी वाली खामोश,
नींद की आगोश में/

नयी अनछुई कलि की लाली, सुर्ख रंग की,
पहली बार संसार में आती है,
ठीक वैसे ही मेरे चुनमुन की कांति थी,
बेदाग, चमकदार/

कलि का वह कवच में से निकलना,
वह चटकदार, तेज वाली उसकी पंखुडियां,
ठीक वैसे ही थी मेरे ठाकुर की काया ,
सूर्य की किरण जैसी../

पर हमें नन्ही कलि से प्यार होता है..कुछ ज्यादा ही...,
काट के उसे सजा लेते हैं गमलों में
वैसे ही एक कलि को निहार रही हूँ मैं अस्पताल में,
कांच की दीवार के पीछे से ...मैं दोनों की मासूमियत पड़ रही हूँ,

NICU में मेरा बेटा सो रहा है,, नालियों के बीच, मशीनों के बीच खोया हुआ है,
कलि भी गमले में शायद सोच रही है, अपनी माँ के अंचल को तरस रही है,
उसका पौधा भी बहार शायद उसकी राह तक रहा है,
अगली कलि को खिलाने से डर रहा हो,
खोने का एहसास उसे भी है मुझे भी..खोना आसान है, असमंजस में जीना कठिन है........

नन्हा सा बिटउ पहले पहेल कैसा होता है मुझे मालूम नहीं,
एक दिन का बच्चा भूक से बिलकता कैसे शांत होता है माँ की गोद में मुझे मालूम नहीं,
एक हफ्ते के बेटे की छट्टी कैसे होती है, मुझे एहसास नहीं,
पहली बार पानी में नहलाना कैसा होता है मुझे पता नहीं...

पता है तो यह की मेरा नन्हा बेटा NICU में सोया हुआ था,
एक महिना मैं ने उसे कांच से निहारा है,
साफ़, कीटाणु रहित कपडे पहेना के,
माँ के नसीब होता है चौबीस घंटे में दो क्षण का सुकून,
जब कांच की दीवार के अन्दर जाकर एहसास उसका ले पाती है,
सांस उसकी महसूस कर पाती हैं,
हाथ पीछे बांधे, कैमरे की कैद में, मैं उसे देख लेती...
फेस- मास्क लगे होंटों से मैं उसे पुचकार के, आँखों की रौशनी धूमिल होती आसुंओं के पीछे से,
अपने बेटे को उसके पिता का और मेरा प्यार दे आती...

बस उस क्षण के लिए फिर हम दोनों,
कांच की दीवार के पीछे से, हर आने जाने वाले को अपना मासूम दिखाते,
आसुंओं को मुस्कराहट के पीछे छिपाए खड़े रहते,

एक महीने का बेटा जब अपने हाथ में लिया, आज तक वोह वैसा ही नज़र आता है,
ना जाने श्रुश्ठी कैसे रच जाती है...
कैसे रंगीन और रंग- हीन हो जाती है,
हर आते जाते दिन में हर समय कहीं न कहीं एक नन्ही कलि खिल जाती है.

Sparkle in Wisdom
2009
I wrote after 5 years of birth of my son... While I remembered... The time spent in hospital at his birth

I have posted the English version too.... Bud.. Rose bud..
After years of aimless wanderings
Leaving behind the cities of midnight revels
And the fevered journey in metro rails,
I am back at the land of my people.

Wherever I went,
Under which ever roof I slept,
I had carried my land,
As a jewel in a casket
And ensured it rested safe
Ever under my pillow

As I moved with aliens
Unable to merge with their cultural mores,
I saw my land glimmer in darkness
Like a dew drop on a moon blanched leaf

When I sweated in the blistering sands
A patch of green landscape, like an oasis
Wafted me in a cool embrace
Then dreams poured in like star light
And I wandered in the meadows of my youthful love
My heart struggling to forget old longings
And memories lashing upon me like tidal waves

Pursued by that inalienable shadow
Suddenly being born in flesh and blood
I hastened to the streets of my youth
With hopes galore and plans vivid

But alas! There is none to recognize me
Oh! I am a stranger here
An unwelcome stranger among total strangers
Now I wonder which is truly my land?
The one left behind or the one just landed in?

Oscillating between these two worlds,
My fractured identity looms large
With worms of memories wriggling in my flesh
And a myth suddenly dying in my brain
I am glad to share with my friends here that this poem- My Fractured Identity- is prescribed for the 10th Grade students-English for Junior High School- entitled Voyagers, in the country of Philippines. The exciting thing is that my poem appears among the writings of eminent men like James Joyce, Rudyard Kipling, Shelley, Virginia Woolf, Jules Verne, Jean Jacques Rousseau and the like. I feel it a great honor !!
  Jun 2018 Sparkle in Wisdom
Umang
The lost explorer

I m The Lost explorer 
In the creative world of you 
Searching for the dreams 
Finding that ocean 
To dive in and be free

I m the lost explorer 
In the creative world of you 
Lighting up the stars
That turned dark 
Carving a shelter
Out of the wood barks

I m the lost explorer 
In the creative world of you 
Spreading smile aromas
Racing with butterflies
Dancing upon the river shore
By seeing the flowing water of life

I m the lost explorer 
In the creative world of you
Filling up the colors 
To draw your face
Climbing up the branches
To see the moon grace

I m the lost explorer 
Seeking for the creator
Of this magical place
Hoping to see you 
Taste a little life with you 
And stop my chase..
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