Im alive
but I feel im not living,
atleast not  for my self
I live to serve
and die to feel

I always wanted to go
to run free
like a leaf in the wind
but I sit in place like a flower
only wanted for visual appeal
thrown to the side once I wilt

my own body is
not only mine
he told me
'I need you alive'

When I first heard that
It sounded sweet
like a twisted condolance
but now I see
how my life is a commodity
some thing to be had

My mother made me with
a servantful heart
one that caused me to feel
it was always my fault

I stayed up late to raise babies
and got up early to learn how
to get my self out of the situation
because a 'woman is always more vulnerable'

My mothers own words
that meant
for me to succeed as much as a man
I would need to work my life away.

I cant tell if you love me
and I don't think that you really need me
maybe its because your the first guy
who hasn't pressured me for his own wants

And I don't know If I love you.
It hurts me if I do
and it took me this long to contemplate
my own curled and entangled thoughts.

I know every morning I pray that
you will think of me
but I just can't see
me with you

I think I am afraid of comitment
and devoid of attachment
but how I plea with my heart to say
you and only you.

I want to be in love in the spring
I want you to see my face in the flowers
I want to hear your voice in a warm breeze
I want you to need me.

Some times I can't tell
if you even think I'm pretty.
Every guy who has
asked me to...

I hope that you relize that I
don't mean to hurt you,
at times I think that it would be
better for you to forget me

I want to love you
but I can't tell if I want you
or the attention that you give me.
I feel horrible for this all.
Like I'm using you because you enthrall
with my deepest desire to be
yearned  for.

We were eating diner
a heartfealt family meal
a red aura asceued throughout
enuced my appeal.

He asked what the meal was called.
I looked and the *** as my mom's voice trailed off,
"Um... meat with sauce"
The deep red chile con nopales
todava existe con todas estas reglas sociales

She softened her toung for colonizer mouths
we were eating our food in her own house
Chile colorado that stained her hands
turned to twisted song that sung a sour dance.

The conversation lasted a few seconds
but to me the thought beckoned
Its call Chile Colorado for it's deep red hue,
like the spilled blood of my ancestors
and I wonder; "What would they do?"

I draw my tortilla through the salsa
pero entre mi corazon algo senti falsa.
Why do we lie by our own words
Its almost like we are
scared to be heard.

The sharp english language hurts like a cut
but my creamy soft spanish rolls of my tounge.
Chile is a Nahuatl word
A representation of a blend of my two cultures

Mestiso, a swirling blend
of my Spanish colonizers
and my Native soul
stuck between two world, a sung song like a oriol

My brown tint skin
like the pews of a church or a sad sung hymn,
they do not hide behind a colonized word
so why should I hide the names of a food
of which with love we feed to you.

I write this poem
For three to see
for two to like  
and the one who will lie awake is me

I work and toil and pick my brain
for the right words to fall to the page
for only you to see
my pretty words and not my tear stained face
behind the screen

My works Ive raised up from sprouted seeds
Now live on digital pages,
srcolled past, theyll be.

My writing was meant to live on beautiful pages
That will bring the love of wrinting to new ages
of children and dreamers, soñadores ,
with stories to tell

But for now,
three people will see them
two people will like them
and I am the one lying awake at night
full of unrealized dreams.

You are a woman.
You are sweet.
Glazed over your sharp edges,
you look just like me.

Speak softly,
your voice glazes over your thoughts
like a seafoam over the sharp ocean stones.
Be kind, be sweet.

Your skin is perfect.
Shiny, hard, like plastic
Smear your face with gel and creams.
'Till your as glazed as honey
from a bee.

Don't Let the tears flow.
Hold them in a well
Until your eyes are glazed as can be.
That way your soul can hardly be seen.

Don't Be Seen
Like this doll.

Cover your eyes while his hand twiches
You already know what comes next.
You can't run.
You can't hide.

All you can do is smile.

Brought forth by sin.
Born of my mothers womb,
dressed in fine lace,
who know this had all started so soon.

Some day,
I'll bear one too.
Through pain and blood,
I'll create one just like you.

Like crushed pomegranate
blood seeps down my legs.
I was a girl when it happened
I was pure, sweet like sugar
but I drew an ant.

His hands, they carry sins of disgrace
but once they touched my flesh,
The burden was mine to carry.

My silks of white were stained with red
like small seeds of pomegranate had bled
That day I thought I'd rather die
than feel like I've been burned alive

The color of my Skin.
The curl of my Hair.
I can feel your the heat vindictive stares.
The twist of my tounge.

I speak my language with courage,
Not with care of your fears
Illigal Alien, They call my kind.
All I want is a place thats mine.

Nomatter, I'll continue to stick out
Like a sore thumb, I will not run
from your vengance.
I'll stay here and take it.

Como un bailador,
I'll twist away from your nasty tricks.
I'll thrive, Child of the sun.
Brown I am.