"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
-Morpheus

The phenomenological reduction [epoché]
is a suspension of judgments about the existence or non-existence of the external world to focus on phenomena themselves.

The eidetic reduction
is an analysis of essence or ideals,
It is performed by cycling through different elements of a mental reproduction for a given phenomenon to define its key characteristics.

The transcendental reduction
is a general examination and dissection of experience derived from the mind which is supplied by the given sensate intuitions, acknowledging its taken for grantedness.
This, the reduction proper, is the realization of and acceptance
that the world as we know it is taken for granted; everything is a signifier.

I've been acquainted with the following
psychoactives compounds:

Depressants & Dissociatives;
Ethanol / EtOH / alcohol, drink, *****
γ-Hydroxybutyric acid / GHB / G, fantasy
β-Phenyl-γ-aminobutyric acid / PhGABA / Phenibut
Dextromethorphan / DXM / Benylin, Robitussin
Morphine / Papaver somniferum / *****
3-Methylmorphine / Codeine
Dihydrocodeine / DHC
Buprenorphine / Subutex, Suboxone
N-Allylnoroxymorphone / Naloxone / Suboxone, Narcan
Tramadol / Ultram
O-Desmethyltramadol/ O-DSMT / Omnitram
Thiopental / Sodium Pentothal
Diazepam / ******
2'-Chlorodiazepam / Ro5-3448 / Diclazepam
4'-Chlorodiazepam / Ro5-4864
Chlordiazepoxide / Librium
Gidazepam, hidazepam
Desalkylgidazepam / Bromonordiazepam
N-Desalkylfluarazepam / Norfluarazepam
Flubromazepam
Alprazolam / Xanax
Bromazolam / XLI-268
Clonazolam, Clonitrazolam / Clam
Etizolam / Etilaam, Etizest
Flualprazolam
Flubromazolam
Zopiclone / Zimovane
Pagoclone
Promethazine / Phenergan
Diphenhydramine / DPH / Benadryl, Nytol
Chlorphenamine, chlorpheniramine / CPM / Piriton
Cetirizine / Zyrtec
Amitriptyline / Elavil
Tianeptine / Coaxil, Stablon
Mirtazapine / Remeron
Quetiapine / Seroquel
Nitrous Oxide / N2O / laughing gas
Amyl Nitrite / Poppers
Ketamine [racemic] / K, Kitty
Esketamine [S-isomer] / Special K
Deschloroketamine / 2'-Oxo-PCM / DCK
N-ethyldeschloroketamine / 2'-Oxo-PCE / O-PCE / Eticyclidone
Deoxymethoxetamine / 3-Me-2′-Oxo-PCE / DMXE
Methoxetamine / 3-MeO-2'-Oxo-PCE / MXE / Mexxy
Hydroxetamine / 3-**-2'-Oxo-PCE / HXE / Hexxy
Methoxpropamine / 2-Oxo-3'-MeO-PCPr / MXPr
Methoxisopropamine / 2-Oxo-3'-MeO-PCiPr / MXiPr
3-Hydroxyphencyclidine / 3-**-***
3-Methoxyphencyclidine / 3-MeO-***
3-Methoxyeticyclidine / 3-MeO-PCE
3-Methyleticyclidine / 3-Me-PCE

Stimulants & Enhancers;
1,3,7-Trimethylxanthine / Caffeine / Coffea, Camellia sinensis / Coffee, Tea
3,7-dimethylxanthine / Theobromine / [constituent of] Chocolate
N-Ethyl-L-glutamine / L-Theanine / [constituent of] Green Tea
Nicotine / Nicotiana / Tobacco, cigarettes, smokes
Ephedrine / Ephedra
Pseudoephedrine / Ephedra, Sudafed
Adrenaline, Epinephrine
Choline bitartrate
L-alpha glycerylphosphorylcholine / Alpha-GPC, Choline alfoscerate
Cytidine 5'-diphosphocholine / CDP-choline, Citicoline
N-Acetylcysteine / NAC
2-Dimethylaminoethyl (4-chlorophenoxy)acetate / Meclofenoxate
N-Phenylacetyl-L-prolylglycine ethyl ester / Omberacetam / Noopept
Coluracetam / BCI-540
4-Phenylpiracetam
Propranolol
(±)-2-Benzhydrylsulfinyleth­anehydroxamic acid / Adrafinil
(±)-2-[(Diphenylmethyl)sulfinyl]acetamide / Modafinil
(–)-2-[(R)-(diphenylmethyl)sulfinyl]acetamide / Armodafinil
α-Methylphenethylamine / Amphetamine, αMP / Speed
N-Methylamphetamine / Methamphetamine / ****
Lisdexamfetamine / Vyvanse, Tyvense, Elvanse
2-Fluoromethamphetamine / 2-FMA
3-Fluoroamphetamine / 3-FA /  PAL-353
4-Fluoroamphetamine / 4-FA, 4-FMP /  PAL-303 / Flux
4-Methoxyamphetamine / PMA, 4-MA / Death
5-Methoxy-2-aminoindane / MEAI, 5-MeO-AI / Chaperone, Pace
Methythiolpropamine / MPA / Blow
3-Fluorophenmetrazine / 3-FPM / PAL-593
Methylphenidate / MPH / Ritalin, Concerta
4-Fluoromethylphenidate / 4F-MPH
4-Fluoroethylphenidate / 4F-EPH
3-Methylmethcathinone / 3-MMC / Metaphedrone
3-Methylethcathinone / 3-MEC
4-Methylmethcathinone / 4-MMC / Mephedrone
4-Methylethcathinone / 4-MEC
3-Chloro-N-tert-butyl-cathinone / Bupropion / Wellbutrin, Zyban
4-Chloromethcathinone / 4-CMC / Clephedrone
4-Fluoromethcathinone / 4-FMC / Flephedrone
4-Fluoro-α-methylaminovalerophenone / 4-Fluoropentedrone / 4-FPD
α-Ethylaminocaprophenone / N-Ethylhexedrone / NEH / Hexen
alpha-Pyrrolidinohexiophenone / α-PHP / PV-7
alpha-Pyrrolidinoisohexaphenone / α-PiHP, α-PHiP
3,4-Methylenedioxy-α-pyrrolidinohexiophenone / MDPHP
3,4-Methyl​enedioxy​pentedrone / βk-MBDP / Pentylone
3,4-Methylenedioxymethcathinone / βk-MDMA / MDMC / Methylone
3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine / MDMA / ecstasy
5-(2-methylaminopropyl)benzofuran / 5-MAPB
6-(2-Aminopropyl)benzofuran / 6-APB / Benzofury
6-(2-Aminopropyl)-2,3-dihydrobenzofuran / 6-APDB / 4-desoxy-MDA
Mesembrine / Sceletium tortuosum, Kanna
Harmine / Peganum harmala / Syrian Rue
3,4,8-Trimethoxyphenanthrene-2,5-diol / Dendrobium nobile
NSI-189
4-chloro-N-(2-morpholin-4-ylethyl)benzamide / Moclobemide
Escitalopram / Cipralex, Lexapro
Fluoxetine / Prozac
Sertraline / Zoloft
Venlafaxine / Effexor
5-Hydroxytryptophan / 5-HTP / Oxitryptan

Hallucinogens & Psychedelics;
Cannabidiol / CBD / Cannabis
Cannabigerol / CBG / Cannabis
Δ9-Tetrahydrocannabinol / THC / Cannabis, Marijuana
Hexahydrocannabinol / HHC
AM-2201 / Synth-'noids, Spice
NM-2201 / CBL-2201
5C-AB-PINICA
Salvinorin A  / Salvia Divinorum / Diviner's Sage
d-Lysergic acid amide / d-Lysergamide / LSA / Ergine
Lysergic acid diethylamide / Lysergide / LSD, LAD / Acid, Lucy
Lysergic acid 2,4-dimethylazetidide / LSZ / Diazedine, Lambda, λ
1-Acetyl-lysergic acid diethylamide / 1A-LSD / ALD-52
1-Propionyl-lysergic acid diethylamide / 1P-LSD
1-Cyclopropionyl-N-Methyl-N-isopropyllysergamide / 1cP-MiPLA
6-Allyl-6-nor-lysergic acid diethylamide / AL-LAD / Aladdin
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylamphetamine / DOM / Dominic
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-bromoamphetamine / DOB / Aphrodite
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-chloroamphetamine / DOC / Doctor
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylthioamphetamine / DOT / Aleph
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methyl-α-ethylphenethylamine / 4C-D / Ariadne
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylphenethylamine / 2C-D, 2C-M / Matrix
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-ethylphenethylamine / 2C-E / Eternity
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-bromophenethylamine / 2C-B / Nexus
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-chlorophenethylamine / 2C-C / Callisto
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-iodophenethylamine / 2C-I / Infinity
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylthiophenethylamine / 2C-T / Tesseract
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-ethylthiophenethylamine / 2C-T-2 / Rosy
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-fluoroethylthiophenethylamine / 2C-T-21 / Aurora
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-bromo-β-keto-phenethylamine / βk-2C-B
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-bromo-β-hydroxy-phenethylamine / βOH-2C-B / BOHB
2,3,6,7-Benzo-dihydro-difuran-8-bromo-ethylamine / 2C-B-FLY
2,5-Dimethoxy-N-(2-methoxybenzyl)-4-bromophenethylamine / 25B
2,5-Dimethoxy-N-(2-methoxybenzyl)-4-chlorophenethylamine / 25C
2,5-Dimethoxy-N-(2-methoxybenzyl)-4-iodophenethylamine / 25I
2,5-Dimethoxy-N-(2-hydroxybenzyl)-4-ethylphenethylamine / 25E-NBOH
3,4-Methylenedioxyamphetamine / MDA / Sass, Sally
3,4,5-Trimethoxyphenethylamine / Mescaline / M
3,5-Dimethoxy-4-ethoxyphenethylamine / Escaline
3,5-Dimethoxy-4-methallyloxyphenethylamine / Methallylescaline / MAL
α-Methyltryptamine / αMT / Indopan
N,N-dimethyltryptamine / DMT / The Spirit
N,N-dipropyltryptamine / DPT / The Light
N,N-Diisopropyltryptamine / DiPT / The Sound
N-Methyl-N-ethyltryptamine / MET / The Colour
N-Methyl-N-propyltryptamine / MPT
N-Ethyl-N-propyltryptamine / EPT
N-Methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / MiPT / The Touch
4-Hydroxy-dimethyltryptamine / 4-**-DMT / Psilocybe / Psilocin
4-Phosphoryloxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine / 4-PO-DMT / Psilocybin
4-Acetoxy-dimethyltryptamine / 4-AcO-DMT / Psilacetin
4-Hydroxy-N-methyl-N-ethyltryptamine / 4-**-MET / Metocin
4-Acetoxy-N-methyl-N-ethyltryptamine / 4-AcO-MET / Metacetin
4-Acetyloxy-N,N-dipropyltryptamine / 4-AcO-DPT / Pracetin
4-Acetoxy-N-methyl-N-cyclopropyltryptmine / 4-AcO-McPT
4-Acetoxy-N-methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / 4-AcO-MiPT / Mipracetin
4-Hydroxy-N-methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / 4-**-MiPT / Miprocin
5-Methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine / 5-MeO-DMT / The God, The Power
5-Methoxy-N-methethyltryptamine / 5-MeO-MET / The Vision
5-Methoxy-N,N-diallyltryptamine / 5-MeO-DALT / Foxtrot
5-Methoxy-N-diisopropyltryptamine / 5-MeO-DiPT / Foxy
5-Methoxy-N-methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / 5-MeO-MiPT / Moxy

Time is born
manifest of change,
In space we're caught
between experiential planes;
Yet thought goes beyond
said mortal chains, to which
linearity need not pertain:
Dare you treat with thy
hollow temporal wrath?
Breathed in to replace that;
The emptiness(-in-itself)
of change as a constant
and earth's cool breath,
Skimming oceans while
belaying their depth.
Thine reflection
gone in search
of humankind,
Tranquil sunbeams
doth remain aligned.

What things I've written
over the years, I wonder
what will they remember,
What image will be left for
those I leave behind? A few
weeks ago I had an intense
realisation. What would I do
if I were terminal?
I'm still wasting time trying to
come to terms with my question
and to find some strength from it.
I remembered to breathe today
(so often I forget). I had a couple tokes
and got a little ****** but I don't miss it
as much as I thought (though I miss the times
and the humility of tripping). I avoid work like
an expert, lapping up the sun while it shines and
buying synthesizers; I did just finish
8 months of therapy.

Another realisation, or rather
the application of knowledge
I already possessed, a cause is
merely something we construct.
Supposing how and deriving why
are a useful set of fictions to abide by
yet they cease to serve when I assume
it's my fault and I should be able to make
a change or difference.
I persecute and victimise, recuse myself from
my own life, wondering whatever could rescue
the person I was
as a child.

Why is it so hard for us to accept when we're wrong?
Brain chemistry, naturally;
When the mind feels its ideology is under attack
the body floods the brain with adrenergic nuerochems
as if it were literally, physically under attack.
This can lead to a denial of the facts
as the fighting animal resists the human's
rational reasoning out of a fear for
the survival of its belief system.
It treats the concept of change
as if equatable to death.
As such, humans become
the embodiment of
their ideas'
natural selection
and idealogical evolution.

I toss and turn, lost,
Holding to darkness
as a comfort. Shut my eyes
as if sleep has me, but I don't rest.

These mornings I am sober but
out of my mind, for

I feel an old craving

to change what I am.
Stumble through,
Hesitate upon

I titrate 20mg of 2C-T,
A substance I named Tesseract.
The effective dose is supposedly
three to fives times more than mine
but I quite like it here. Warm, benign
headspace, not altogether insightful but
friendly (and
we all need friends at times).
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylthiophenethylamine,
It was the first '2C' to have a sulfur atom,
A realm of possibilities opened up from there:
2C-T-1, Tesseract. I wonder what of
2C-T-2, Rosy. Or
2C-T-7, Beautiful. Or
2C-T-21, Aurora. Per'aps
2C-T-28, Vesper. I'd go on,
I do wander so often upon
these marvelous compounds.

There's broken glass, something escaped
from the think-tank. Now that thought's
gone and gotten loose whatever will we do:

These inauspicious days alcohol only leads
to the darkest recesses of my mind anymore
for who knows how many suicide notes I wrote
whilst in the cold throes of this depressing war
on my own dear sanity; you tell me who the victor
really is.

"Yes, I know"
"I am a son of Hades,
The darkness is my birthright".

A daydream I'd been having
too often, my thoughts were
dreams of escaping
something terrible
but I would only entertain them.
Still I find myself asking
why I feel sick in the head so often?
Am I playing mind games?
I know it's not him [who I am]
yet I created this thing that is,
Isn't this thing part of me, is this/it's contrary, this counterintuitive.
Nothing is as it seems, the world scares me, and all I ever wanted was a human being to be gentle with. A significant Other? I can barely be with myself let alone any other. I have little power over my own prophecy nor my dreams as of yet. When I become lucid then I'll know that I can finally sleep unburdened.



Yes I know,
She told me so.
                        [Daphni]

I've come to ask
how subjective is time?
Not the pieces we keep
but the changes we define.
A second is objective, measured,
Yet a moment is held in the mind.
We perceive reality through patterns
which can be expressed mathematically,
Relative to what we conceive, as chances
cohere to determine our chosen state of being;
The question has been: do we actually determine?
Or is it just endless reflection! Can choice shape teleology
and is it more than just mere binary, perhaps a continuum
of infinitely/eternally collapsing wave functions in computation
as the brain strains itself to make sense of this oncoming reality;
Do we lose all semblance of existence when that magnificent ***** is destroyed and at what point does this occur if it gradually degrades? I shall now state that truth, meaning and belief are three sides
of the same coin. You've got three choices
but only two chances,
Not that it matters;
T'was a toss up between genius and madness
but it landed on forlorn and simply rolled away
down an alley into abandon, longing and sadness.

We watched the world end

basking in the surrealism of night,
The sky awash with wayward radiance
from orange streetlight; their fading luminosity
trapped by the city's persistent cloud-cover,
The soft glow dimly illuminating us
as precipitation gracefully descends
in a fine drizzle, seemingly endless;
The falling mist causing an apparent bloom
as sodium-vapor lamplight spread through and through.
This strange photon blossom,
Intangible and awesome.

My mind intoned one silent word:
Renew.

Urban torches expel their artificial light
and give way to the skyglow of streetlamps in bloom.
We lay back and watched the city breathe
as the floating masses of water swooned.
I felt the sky collapse around us
as surreality became our coupled theme.
Romantic ******'s American dream.

Acceptable self-harm is drinking a pack of off-brand biscuits
through several cups of tea
every other evening.
Acceptable self-harm is binge-watching an entire season
of whatever's hooked it's tentacles into
the reward pathways of your brain
in one sitting.
Acceptable self-harm is buying into vicious ideology
because it makes you feel deep connection while
othering.

I feel like a sheep in wolves' clothing.
Afraid, angry, hungry, but more than
anything
I am lonely.

I thought sacrificing my ego
would make me better; praising The Entheon
could make me happier.

I was wrong, without an ego
I lost everything, one needs
a coherent self to function.
I'll pray to The Apotheon
and give myself to the enemy.

I will lose nothing
in the dark and embrace the thing
I held back for so long.

I will study the dark arts again,
Sorcery and addiction.

I will trust in myself to do the right thing.

The knot in my stomach
tightens, this awareness
will fade if I do not take
care of myself. I can't live
like this, mind seeks to cut
itself off from my body and

its emotion.
We are two; mind
and body, man and woman,
Darkness and light. I am one; a human
on her journey, trying hard to remember his old

life. Forgotten hopes of learning
meditation, yoga, and tantra
as a means to better my health.
What wishful dreaming, a notion
of adventure, looking back it seems
like momentary longing was satisfied
in its instance of being.
I remember

the existential amazement of a child
and the loss of that is haunting me.
I also remember a willingness to
play the villain and I wonder
whether a carefree attitude
is the thing I'm missing.

I think often about the
Inheritance Of Loss
and of innocence.

I thought I was ready
to find someone and relate
to them, that I was ready to rejoin

We all have something to disguise
beneath this corporeal face,
Something we keep hidden from all
social grace, some barbarities would
not fade, some malefactions are too great.

I do not condone the violence
of such furious vengeance,
There is no solace to be found in it.
That does not mean I cannot appreciate;

The Champion Nemesis.

[I]
Grand theft auto on a cold night,
But we're not playing video-games tonight.
With lights off but the engine on,
Roll out and get your gameface on.
[#]
I'll catch up to you later
with my conversation starter
and her best friend.
[II]
Heard movement so we scoped it out,
Ditched the fiesta and came about.
Silent in the dark while on the hunt.
Found you now, [REDACTED CONTENT].
[#]
Told you I'd catch up later
with my conversation starter
and her best friend;

"What a tangled web we weave
when first we practice to deceive."

In what sense does thought exist?
Do we qualify it as an experience?

Try to look beyond processing power
when you think memory and context;

Tell me what dreams are made of and
why are there so many stars out there?

You can't find something that isn't lost,
It must be hidden so it can be sought.

Revelation's a *****,
Hindsight's just an aftertaste.

Get a grip,
Unzip.

Flip

Reload,
Insert clip.

Let your freak flag fly,
Let me break the sky.

As the light of the world drains through,
The buzz in my head says "renew".

Hood drawn, wasted with grace,
City night streetlights shadow my face.

Here's the place where I left it behind,
The dopamine fix that broke my mind.

So much isn't enough for just some teen,
Romantic ******'s American dream.

My sadness is closer
to the surface, I can feel it
tugging at my mind
but my gut won't budge
and all else is quiet.

All I can hear is my own
lonesome heartbeat
as I wonder
whether it's possible
to die of a broken heart.

I don't know why I'm sad,
I have so much to live for
but I set the bar too high.
Guess my cardio isn't
what it should be.

*Guess we could blame
the N-Ethylhexedrone,
Hexen does seem to pressure that *****.

I feel as though I am fading
faster than the memory of you.

I admit I thought of your body
on occasion, last year. You gave
me those memories and it's time
move on, been holding on for too
long. Give me the courage to let go.

"We exist on the edge between the gloss and the reality: the mirror's edge."
And the glass has shattered
in a spiderweb of a fracture,
Ensnaring our very lives, so
we run. Immersed in flow.
Gliding over rooftops,
Knowing everything as intuitive.
Run, jump, climb.
No refrain,
Just a blur in time.
It only pauses for one moment:
The deadpoint;
Pendent suspense,
Caught without rise or fall
as the arch is rent.
Here we make sense of it all.
Faith is instinct,
Our grasp of it is immense.
Sometimes I can hear the broken reflections'
whispering echos on this fragmented mirror,
The edges of it running parallel to my ear.
She speaks to me,
My city.
Softly,
Like it's a dream.
But I've never felt so real.
What she told me,
Taught me how to live.
When you don't know what to do,
Run for it,
If not to get away then to feel.

I can sense excess epinephrine, or
norepinphrine, clouding my judgement,
These adrenergic sons of Entactus;
The cathinone is but
simple amphetamine's
beta-ketone younger-cousin.

Replaced a methyl group with a fluoro one
and mephedrone's little brother was born:
The adorable flephedrone, don't be fooled though.

The stimulant is a chancer and a trickster,
Though this one seems more empathogenic than its brother;
I may be in danger of learning something.

A month ago I put down the keyboard
and after a week I picked up the pen. I had to write

to spite my worries that

knowledge had become cheap; wisdom, scarce; and
truth, a fool's errand. Cynical words
from a man trying to let go
that sardonicism and
embrace his vulnerabilities.
Will the courage to let the verse
flow from the human, onto the page
where it may be subject to another human's saccades.

Of Temporal-Lysergamides,
Resonant-Tryptamines &
Quantum-Phenethylamines:

The reverence for psychedelics is a fine line.
They are tools with which we can muse
upon the universe and explore our mind.
We may gleam insight on our psyche
from introspection and pondering
but neither message nor vision
shall ever be taken literally.
You must be skeptical and careful
when searching those cosmos;
Employ the scientific method.

Temper your spirit with logic and
forge your soul from rationale;
Wishing you safe travels
in every venture to come.

I dreamed of 839 last night,
I dreamed the gang was back together
and it really messed me up.

Here comes the last festival
of this lost summer,
*"Safe as ****."

My love of chems need be fed,
For love doth consume us, even
if to our detriment, but I'm sure I
keep it healthy.

I feel this at night, 'cause
during the day I'm not alive.

My depression hides so much better than yours,
You're pleading for attention
and I hate that.
We've all got problems,
Ever think about that?
I'm never going back there
and I'd **** to ensure that.

I lie under these covers,
Sickened by love.

I gotta put the mask on
and my hood up
'cause the socialite within me
will not halt.
He's an unstoppable machine
powered by ego while seeking esteem,
Is this really the way it has to be?
Lest the people know what's become of me.

Torrential thoughts eat me away
while "the sun is shining everyday."

Some moments I stop and think:
I'd give in to it, just to give myself purpose.
I ponder a ******'s destiny and it hurts wondrously,
Like a super-massive black-hole.
I want to dive in and lose control.
How long until I get bored, curious?

What are those depths like, how will it be
at rock-bottom, lying on my back
looking to the sky?

Tell me I'm wrong,
That my venturous nature will not
be the death of me.
At a point in time I questioned (with) my life,
You can't start living
until you've made a conscious decision not to die.
So, why choose life?

Hah, I dunno.
Were you really expecting grand answers
from a teenage ******-to-be?
"Who's the more foolish,
The fool
or the fool who follows him?"
Come find yourself, then
we'll see who's laughing.

"G'luck to ya"
sounds like
there's a
Glock
aimed at
your head
but I swear

that's just the
sarcasm talking.

For awhile I blamed my brain, and I tried all manner of things
to adjust its delicate balance of neuroelectrochemical readiness;
But I learned to recognize
less is more. Nevertheless,
My experiences left me with a strange ache in my soul
and a passion that keeps me asking questions

about existence, and whether I will
return to the compounds
I once cherished.
Whether
I am well enough
or simply brave enough.
Whether I will be content to study
the things I love without
holding them in
my skull.
Why should the psychedelic
renaissance be restricted to the sciences,
Why should it be distanced from the humanities?

We need a fair psychology of hallucinogenesis; we deserve
a better philosophy of psychedelia, and of psychoactivity.

Is it too much to ask; does this dream of mine make you laugh?
What about when I write that the downfall of philosophy is
its disdain of poetry, and that the failures of science stem
from its inability to reconcile with the humanities.
Emotion and reason can only listen to each other when
they are on level. Mind is not in the head, the soul is ecological

and humanity is losing touch.

Lucky charms laced with LSD,
Ceriously!
What have I got to lose
besides time?
Mind? What mind? Mine?
Mind you,
That might be sublime;
Sanity is a burden (at the best of times).

"Never tell me the odds",
I'm not a gambling man.
"Down-count:
5, 4, 3, 1,
Off-blast!"

Asian foodstuffs,
Neon shades of rainbow
turn to cotton candy fluff.
I appear to be tripping hard
yet with a certain meditative quality to it all.

In an electronic garden
I can feel the data flowing;
The Internet, and with it
freedom in knowing.
The Black Library,
A wireless tree.
This is the dawn
of inhuman telepathy.

I love it, with all it's twisted irregularities:
The Room, that's art;
My immortal, that's far enough.
This is science used by insanity.

The rain and the wind, ragged and wet weather
unlike any other out in the forlorn West.
We go at it all the same, buzzin'
in the soaking precipitation.

That night I saw a man realize he'd spent years of his life
wasting around G-town, and'd naught to show for it.
The lure of endless craic and perpetual sessioning
had ensnared him and he'd lost himself to this place,
Became a character in the local scene that recited his lines
and acted out his part.
What was all that he felt?
Were it at the behest of his
town, the jester himself
knows this place well.
Artsy-types, buskers,
Hippies and jugglers,
Crusties, line-backers
Shams and knackers,
Sesh-heads all.
Passing students, wanna-be teens.
All pretending they're larger than life
or whatever, in this way they almost are
but in-keeping their company you'd easily

become a fixture of the town. Ah,
You can't blame the city for its nature,
Though you may certainly curse it some.
After all you're the changeable one, being.

The normality of life among the stars,
It seems unreal yet here we are;
Escapism never felt so just:
When I tire of your universe.

Ask the Seraphim,
They know the score;

All is dust:

A thirst for knowledge is a quest for gain,
Knowledge is power and power grants domain.
Seeking knowledge is never wrong
but an excess of power can cause harm.
Those who have it are compelled to acquire more,
Addicted to knowing, dopamine's the score.

I need to score. So badly.

There are two tomes I would consider sacred
and by sacred I mean worthy of veneration,
These books should not be mistaken for
being more than paper or strictly true,
With that in mind I will direct you
to PiHKAL:A chemical love story
& TiHKAL:The continuation.

They do not contain commandments on how to live
nor imperatives on what is moral nor why it is.
Rather, they tell the story
of a pair of explorers, a couple of psychonauts;
Two lovers, two friends;
Two lives, intertwined.
I believe in their story, and thank them for letting it be known.

The least I could do is write them a poem.
I do not endorse worship, all things written
were wrought by human, lest we apotheosize.

Let me be clear, I am merely paying tribute
to writings which are endeared to me, a writer.

Why? These books made a difference. Something this author aspires to!

I cannot say
of the daydreams, why they come and go
so fleetingly.

I cannot say
how often I dreamt
of Columbine or suicide.

I cannot say
how many times
I took substances
to get out of my mind.

I cannot say how many nights I fell asleep
counting
compounds like most people count sheep.

All I can say
is that I sought relief;

Sometimes I think of
Montauk, or of other
memories I somehow have,
Then I stop thinking, start
listening, let memory
lose its continuity
and live in the imagery given;
I have never been to Montauk.
How now, odd as nostalgia
enthralls, he quietly asks:
What would Percy do?
That son of Poseidon
remains a favourite hero of mine.

Might as well love the rain, its
pitter-patter upon my window
comforts today's aches
and tomorrow's pains.

That mammoth architecture
of a midnight city, it keeps me high.
I feel more machine than human sometimes.
Cybran eyes,

Aeon mind.
What more is there than this Arcadian dream
in which I dare believe.
Our cerulean being we've come to crave,
Away from the sardonicism
of our heart's 'maze;

Its Love
Here.

I've always marveled
at the aptness inherent
in the trivial meaning-making
which coined the term 'four-twenty'.
It speaks to the nature of the stuff.

Here's to 4:20, 4/20, 4.20,
We mark it a holiday In Praise of Idleness.

Who could have known the antics
of a handful of high schoolers
in San Rafael, California
should be the origin of this celebration
of cannabis culture.

It always begins the same. Ordinary day.
Then we start and that goes away.

I met up with some mates and went for a drink,
Dropped the singular and began to sink.
Testing the waters of inebriation,
I waded into a sea of intoxication.
In liquidity I lost lucidity
and floated off, spinning chillingly.

Gotta get loose and keep it moving,
The second you stop, you start losing.

I never lost curiosity,
The feelings of exploration never ceased to move me.
Each venture was another chance
to find something I couldn't catch.

On binge drinking I have this to say:
Relief is no valid reason to partake,
Sport is fair but only with mates;
And discovery is a double-edged blade.

Time is a river,
Memory is a fountain.
The liquid cascade
is an unending mountain.

Her ghost was with me then
in the ever-blue expanse,
A shivering empyrean
in relentless advance.
Taunting me with a world
ripe for escapism.

Should you resist
that fateful embrace,
Even when it calls out
your very name?
I think fate's
just a game.

There are times when I miss
that wonderful hell.
What was a fountain
is now a well.

Under shadows gaze I devise the coming days.
The music surfacing heralds the daze.

The existential is mine to warp as I see fit.

Into the shivering empyrean I plunge.
White fields anew,
What's done is done.

Forget not the heart
that sings this song,
Keep close in thought;
My mind was like this
long before you came along.

Sake replaces sorrow,
Both kinds.
You take what was borrowed,
Every time.
In hallowed shadows
I wait for the morrow,
I find the shade is warmer than sorrow.

Time is a river,
Memory is a fountain.
Which is better
To be adrift in?

The baggage we carry
is irrelevant when we
finally meet their gaze,
In that moment
all that matters is
the significance of
another;

A cradle of scythes lay in a chariot.

You reap what you sow, I grow plans.
Plant them in my mind, let them expand.
Watered with thought,
Spruced with consequence,
Implanted quietly, with utter nonchalance.
Meanwhile, in society
I digress entirely.

Later when fruition has come to bear,
A portion of the harvest will have been ensnared.
The scythe has a name: Benefit Of The Doubt.
Don't fear the reaper,
Fear without.

Such power runs thru
cascading technology,

So driven is the word
spread thru comms networks
and uttered by multifarious devices;

Soon consumed
by feedback and
amplified until it

subsides for lack of dopamine, and then:
Soothed by new content a cascade begins again.
Socials can feel like a perpetual, unstructured interview
but think what a novel form of interrogation it is
and what a humane place this is become;

Yet some still hold to their crypt
over this brave new world
and the people in it.

Yesterday's analog echoes,
Today's digital samples,
Tomorrow's quantum timbre

will change how we hear ourselves
or determine our fantasies.

Thus passes a lifetime.

"Those who are not angry
at the things they should be
are thought to be fools";

Yet anger impairs cognition
and blinds us to its exact source.
Is righteous anger always so coarse?

We are blinded by these flashbulb memories
born among a storm of cortisol
and adrenaline.

Those chemicals course through us
as a part of belief
in an effort to elicit change.

Yet
"...the good-tempered [hu]man
is not revengeful, but rather