Walking home in the heart of darkness,
The winter solstice stole my numbness.
Got nothing in my pockets but willpower;
Fight club coming up.

Dark sunrise,
Heart of a glimmering empyrean.

Cross my heart
and swear to Justice,
The Phantom knows †
just where you placed it:
The Buckfast chalice, consecrated
by our tonic vintage of the ever-inebriated.

Does night fall
or do we raise it

Forlorn, heroic blue
deliverance, powdered
white crystalline shivers.

These nightfallen moments capture my gaze
to stun me so thoroughly and leave me amazed.

I often wonder what my Wiki entry
will say about me, if at all.
"November, nineteen-ninety-four
to two-thousand-and-whenever."
Someday, sometime. It sits in my mind.

So we chase sublime.

Can't catch me ‘cause I'm smoke.
Far off the beaten path,
Come find us and have a ****;
At our abandoned enclave, on the balcony
as the starry lake shimmers graciously.

Why is it so hard for us to accept when we're wrong?
Brain chemistry, naturally;
When the mind feels its ideology is under attack
the body floods the brain with adrenergic nuerochems
as if it were literally, physically under attack.
This can lead to a denial of the facts
as the fighting animal resists the human's
rational reasoning out of a fear for
the survival of its belief system.
It treats the concept of change
as if equatable to death.
As such, humans become
the embodiment of
their ideas'
natural selection
and idealogical evolution.

Apathy/lethargy, I do not wish thee
upon anybody;
Unmotivated perfection.

I can't start eternity.

Leaves seethe
outside my window.

I envy
the poor chap
who doesn't know pity.

I was at
the last supper.
Lost my train of thought
in a tunnel gone dark.

Stream
of
con-
-cious-
-ness,

Like a steam engine eats black diamonds are my pupils.

When I'm high, in this safety, everything's fine.

"There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force."

"Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall set me free"

I feel this at night, 'cause
during the day I'm not alive.

My depression hides so much better than yours,
You're pleading for attention
and I hate that.
We've all got problems,
Ever think about that?
I'm never going back there
and I'd **** to ensure that.

I lie under these covers,
Sickened by love.

I gotta put the mask on
and my hood up
'cause the socialite within me
will not halt.
He's an unstoppable machine
powered by ego while seeking esteem,
Is this really the way it has to be?
Lest the people know what's become of me.

Torrential thoughts eat me away
while "the sun is shining everyday."

Ego death is what I'm searching for,
Śūnyatā, zero-summing;
I am not.

I hope to reverse-engineer Nirvana.
and rather than nothing, become one.

Were you ever somewhere so vivid,
At a place so sublime,
You felt you could just reach out
and catch the smoke trails
filtering through light.

I clutch at reality
because dreams feel closer to me.

Lucky charms laced with LSD,
Ceriously!
What have I got to lose
besides time?
Mind? What mind? Mine?
Mind you,
That might be sublime;
Sanity is a burden (at the best of times).

"Never tell me the odds",
I'm not a gambling man.
"Down-count:
5, 4, 3, 1,
Off-blast!"

Asian foodstuffs,
Neon shades of rainbow
turn to cotton candy fluff.
I appear to be tripping hard
yet with a certain meditative quality to it all.

In an electronic garden
I can feel the data flowing;
The Internet, and with it
freedom in knowing.
The Black Library,
A wireless tree.
This is the dawn
of inhuman telepathy.

I love it, with all it's twisted irregularities:
The Room, that's art;
My immortal, that's far enough.
This is science used by insanity.

I did play with entactogens
but in relentless chemical exploration
I may have lost sight of things.

Those wondrous doses I dabbled in
brought me the closest I have ever felt
to perfection; it is fake.

This did not deter me, even though
some things can never exceed the temporary.
Alas, the blue pill is so appealing

Oh, how hallowed electronica has grown
since the electro-festivities became known.
Now that stellar conflagration
consumes our nation.
All hail techno-paganism!

Our wicked philanthropy and righteous sins
keep us down, drugged-up and praying.
***** mind, clean conscience.

In heathen choice we are condemned
to experience pleasure
beyond what animal would comprehend.
Our souls will be set aflame;
We are to feel the sear of elation,
The fiery rush of indescribable sensation.
We gather to bring the collective to new planes,
Transcendention is the ceremony's name;
The expansion of consciousness
using molecules as tools
to reexamine 'mortal'.

All observation is from a particular point, but
acknowledged subjectivity's better than naught.
Thus follows some comments on their qualitative nature.
Use them as you deem. In this piece everything is as it seems.

Caffeine is unappreciated enough,
Give credit to that stimulant for the things it does.
Coffee has little time to play, for there are errands
to attend to before the light fades.

The amphetamine will spin you until you're spun,
The cathinone will also try you with its luck.
The stimulant is a trickster [touch within]
and a magician never reveals their secret,
Even when seeking it befalls endlessness.

Me and E(cstasy) used to dance all night,
Closer to all your dreams was as far
from the light, we soaked ourselves
in emotionality and I soared high:
Perfection in the dark
rekindled my heart; 'cause
on pills you love everyone.

******* is always hungry but will never feed you
for it is naught but the scent of pure ego;
because on coke everyone loves you.

There is nothing to learn from an opioid or benzodiazepine
beyond the hedonistic stupor in-between awake and sleeping.
Similarly, cigarettes never taught me anything about myself
much like quick, ***** ***, that's nicotine and painkillers, in essence.

Alcohol is reliable for those sociable
but can hurt the body and scorn the emotional.
Drink toyed with me, then she abandoned me;
Despite that messiness I still reminisce occasionally.

Gamma-HydroxyButyric acid [GHB] requires utmost caution,
One must observe the proper conduct when
wading through such subtle intoxication.

Don't use ket too much, don't use angel dust.
If you want a supreme arylcyclohexylamine
seek out methoxetamine, use it responsibly.
Dissociation, end of line; no[thing is o]ne.

Always be considerate before transcending reality,
Reverence for psychedelics keeps them self-regulatory.
Of all the compounds they would humble and reveal to you;
Existential, being when tripping; every[is]one.

Cannabis I dared to use recreationally
for it often reminded us when one should act sensibly.
That deep conversing with trusted friends
is better than any substance I have ever had the nerve to test.

I am the darkness,
Because they can't hurt me then.

Thick face is a stately art,
In the pitch-black I have hidden my heart.

Recurring dreams fall unto the stars.

We did it younger than ever,
We discovered how to escape;
That sincere claim
of every next generation,
The undying theme never ageing.
Such is the way.

Just run! The adult-world's awaiting
and I won't yet be taken,
Lost in a maze of adolescence,
There I fear my gaze will ever-remain.

Skins touch the soul, in the depths of it
I know; Love Here.

Have we finally surpassed
that teenage haze
in which I was encased?
In which I was amazed.

I can never give up those memories,
Hence, I dutifully make these recordings.
This data keeps me dauntless, reinforcing my character.
I feel at ease to know it will remain here.
What is inexplicable now
perhaps I can decipher in the future.

I'm a dreamer
but I don't sleep at night,
I spend that time bringing my dreams to life;
Chemical enhancement makes me want to give it,
Vivid moments, surreal kisses.

This silence speaks to me when no one's around,
Intuition and nostalgia making subtle sounds.

The weekend calls out my name,
The feel's in the air
and I'm game.

Found beauty
lost in the bass,
Let it kick,
Off my face.

The release caught me through a free-fall darkly.
Hanging on-air, falling off-world,
I can honestly say I didn't care anymore.

Gave up our minds
and cranked up the sound,
We got lost
in the times that were found:
Some of my fondest memories
were those surreal house-parties
when we delved into experimental ontology;
Playing with substance, when revelation
could strip fundamental to no sensation.

Somehow I'm still alive
and for that I can't apologize,
'Cause I don't know why.

It's kicking off.
That feel is in the air
and I'm back chasing dusk.
There's quality in the sky,
The forthcoming night.

I find it strange that autumn is so beautiful
yet everything is dying
as we approach the year's end.

There's only one of me out there
but there's a few of me in here.

I need to sort some **** out
and I might be a while.

It was during the Dangan days that I started losing everything, I had it all
and now there's nothing. When you're on top there's nowhere to go,
Better jump off than descend slow. Sometimes I wish I'd dived
right in; seeking these chemicals
to (k)no(w) satisfaction,
It's 'cause memory's not happening.

I need something that's intangible,
I fear it's gone away.
All the junkiesque rituals in the underworld
couldn't conjurer that place;
Only the apparition remains.
But I'll stay, because I found a poison; and it tastes good.

Now I'm a dope-dealing fiend,
And you know what?
I kinda like it. At the moment I feel like evil suits me,
If I had a vicious heart then I truly I could be
but I haven't got that in me. I just act and it relieves me.
Playing the drug-baron when I'm tired of the stick-monkey.

We’re the kids your parents warned you about,
We've lived more than most adults.
We scoured sensation,
Soared high across the planes of elation.
Society’s scared of us,
Can you blame them?
People cross the street
just to get away from us,
Strange, we're ubiquitous.
Jealous?
Come join us;
I implore you
to explore you.
Find it within yourself
to go out and find yourself
(among us), should you so choose:
Realize you're alive,
Make something of your time.

Take the plunge,
Throw yourself into the thick of it;
Into the breach.
See things no one could ever believe
in the deepest dreams of REM sleep.

Would I sell someone to their destruction if they asked me?
Here lies a question that haunts me.
It's their choice really,
Have I any right to discriminate/impede?
The truth is I don't care about the money,
Memory takes precedence over accessories.
But what falls in-between;
That which is mind-altering.
How much would you pay to dream?

If I was to disgorge what I think
I'd say you are your own being,
But to hurt anyone is to forfeit your freedom.

We must be informed correctly and clearly of what we receive as responsibility.

We are all manipulating this social machine,
I wish more people would dream (like me).

What seems inspiring? Be visionary!
Take leave of these social machinations,
Overthrow the magistracy.

We all have an expiration date
so best get the ball going. Be brave,
Scare us, I want to see heads rolling.

Life can be explained in a two-syllable phonetic:
Be, leave; believe

Sham; when I put that black coat on
I change. I look more dangerous
and feel more safe.
Try so hard to keep it interesting,
Hope the savant inside is still listening.

I know I'm going to be a ****** in the end,
How could I not.
I'm just trying to put it off
as long as I can;
Sardonicism and addiction.

Sometimes you have to feel reality
tear up, upon everything you called life
to recognize what lurks in those subtle eyes.

Hear society rip at the seams,
Appreciate,
We've become narcotic demons.

Everyday you act in defiance of life,
Do it with style
rather than strife.

Chemical encounters (of a venturous kind);
Let the body breathe, exhale the mind.

I don't want to go in alone,
Sometimes you just need somebody to hold.

The world's less fair than they let on
because everybody can't have this much fun.
Learn how to make the subtlest of calls, then, my friend
you can have it all.

Ever wonder why villains are such an opulent lot?
It's because **** always floats to the top.

I said I was going home
but unpredictable got in my way.
I wandered into the park, curious, for I saw
a crowd milling about, and curiosity did demand
my time. By pure chance, randomness, I acquired
a bounty of yokes in the likeness of blue ghosts.
Such is the way of Millennium on a Friday.
As quickly I found my mates to show them
the treasure.
We decided
to get dosed.
Bitte.

Suspense coming up, then, forty-five minutes in
excitement hit
as our brains leak serotonin. On love buzz again,
Young demon.
Some gang tried to mug mine, I laughed at them
as we walked by.
Howdy-** *****?
Nobody could touch
us, I was on fire. Then
drum 'n bass brought everyone higher.

Listen to us, immersed in life:
Feel sensation (wipe away strife),
Know experience (and never desensitize).

Let the breeze amble by
touching clothes, flowing robes drifting over
soft air so quiet. Hold it there.

In the name of the wind
that brushes against our face,
Close contact on delicate skin, so
boldly tempting fate;
The words remained traced in the air:

-ALL ALPHA ALBEITT ACE.

Emulsified by dark days,
I used the memories to stay awake.
Keep it clean they say,
But my soul had been stained;
The senses had strayed too far away.

Bent to the will of the chems
they had been rendered slaves;
Surreality does slyly misbehave.

Draw simple oxygen into your being
as an empyreal tidal wave rises again;
The air around me speaks psychedelic zen.

DEPRESSED.
Feel like it's stamped on my forehead.
Do they know?
I'm such a try hard.

Mask your face with a thick shroud,
Pour your black heart on the ground.

I've seen it tattooed on her arms,
She didn't use ink.
I almost gave my legs a third-degree fresco,
Playing with petrol.

Smile away, fool ‘em all;
The realm of indefinity calls.

Starting from dusk I can feel the buzz,
I'd steal that atmosphere for all of us.

When it's dark and the great lamps are alight
I become like a child again,
Staring up in wonder at the shining light,
The amazed gaze of a curious mind
pondering the life that's left in tonight.

Perpetual longing keeps me going;
Longing for venture, ventures I praise
that drive my mind. That longing set forth

in this nocturne of perpetuity versus time.

How many thoughts like these have I left
wandering the matrix
locked within my head?

There is so much that will remain unsaid.

When I first saw her arms
they made me feel so afraid,
Those scars that betrayed the masquerade.
I would have killed to save her.
Now I belay this oxymora charade;
But I'm still here, with my broken passion,
Even if you all seem to have forgotten.

Scratch me, I ain't got nothing.
I'm parched and it hurts something.

We've all got mental problems,
Some of us hide them better.
How about that weather?

Tripping the syntax,
And I'm having difficulty
discerning my sanity right now.

There's a voice in the wind
at the throat of the world.
The sacrificial alter will hear me roar.

I'm on a duel-carriageway to crazy,
And the horses gallop onward.

Strange tidings through car doors,
Soft footfall on sand-torn shores.

Want to know whats wrong with the earth?
More violence, less hair,
And people don't hang around beaches anymore.

An old friend learned the path to immortality,
I think I'll follow him there.
It feels like there's nothing for me
in this mortal world. Maybe there's one,
If she's brave enough. "If somebody's got soul
you gotta make the move,
Make a move."

Movement/Moment.

The passions that run through my blood
compel me to stay on the wrong side of the sun.

Lonely people are always up
in the middle of the night,
Seeking out the half-light.

Searching eternally, tripping internally,
Nocturnal crusading
in a quest for meaning.

What's it all about;
This endless dreaming?

I love it; existence.
This sensation that I witness.

You see them on dance-floor, moving
like there's nothing else to the world.

The dark rays that encapsulate her
viewfully enumerate
the things that I can't say with words.

Definitive; that's my girl.

Life, and other drugs;
Feel the love, and stuff.
You've got the right to get
****** up. You think I'm out
of line? Don't worry, I feel fine.
For reals.

Urban tiger on the prowl,
"Welcome to the jungle,"
Where everybody's a night owl.

Nocturnal habits
of the after-party crowd.
"You're in the jungle baby".
T'survive here y'gotta be proud.

I want to touch sublime, surpass divinity,
Exceed apotheosis to new beginnings;
Extra-terrestrial narcotics binge.

Ha, just let it come.
Let it take me up
in one grand wave.
I would; heaven, haze.

There's blood on the tracks.
I derailed a train.

Let it rend.

Born to say "**** it!"

Cleanse it all,
Wash away the innocence.

The eternal party rages on,
We could never subsist.
Driven, haunted by youthfulness.

I'm sorry if my back hurt your knife.
Been trying so hard to satisfy
the darkest of corners
and they seem
to become magnified, but I don't mind,
cause heaven is dark
and the dark is warm;
When it envelopes me I feel at home.

"I'll be fine once I get it, yeah
I'll be good."
Just waiting till the half-light aligns,
When zero-point energy will grip my mind.

Lonely people
seem obligated
to party harder.

Always up in the middle of the night,
Making sure the dark stuff is done right.

Gotta be loose with expression
and make an impression
on the malleable world
that lies before us.

The luxury of living,
At the expense of life.