Smoking, cutting, drinking ... Anything to take the pain away temporarily until.. Until its all over. You're stuck there.. With nothing but yourself and your thoughts to keep you company..

There's nothing in the world that's forever but the pain that continues to follow you no matter what you do..

The only happiness that you can manage to find is through the Marlboro pressed to your lips.. To the shot of liquor in the little glass cup in your fingertips.. Or to the blade that you put to your wrist waiting for that oh-so beautiful crimson to trickle down it like a dead tree.

It all takes a toll on you... Before you realize.. You're on your deathbed wheezing out your last words.. But at the time.. It was all worth it for those temporary moments of happiness..

If it’s me, that they malign
Should it hurt, if I don’t know
If it’s them, that I despise
Does it, on my face then show

If I say I will, but don’t
Should it bother me inside
Does it matter if I care
If my pleas have been denied

If I’m feeling all alone
Would I feel better, if ignored
If I confess to you my sins
Will my conscience by restored

Should I tell you that I love you
If my heart tells me I don’t
Should I commit my life to you
If I know that yours, you won’t
BOEMS BY JA 540

But you have to call me at 3:21 am because you know that I will answer because you know that I am drunk because I have been drunk for the past few weeks because you just keep calling

if only we would love  
with our eyes
closed
and our hearts
open

we would not see
the outer shell

we would simply
fall in love with
the soul
the spirit
the heart
before us

for the rest
eventually falls away

1)  get a canvas

2)  get some unicorn paint

3)  paint a unicorn

4)  realize you can't paint a unicorn

5)  cry

6)  paint the moon

7)  put glitter and a horn on the moon

8)  pretend it's a fat unicorn

9)  be happy

10) show your dog

11) call the dog back into the room

12) show your dog again

13) get a new dog

14) show that dog

15) tell that dog it's being too critical

16) ask that dog to leave

17) put the picture in the bin

18) decide never to paint unicorns again

19) eat chocolate

20) decide to paint a dragon

For you.. The one I love..
The one I shall share my best memories and the rest of my days with..
The one who I shall stand beside no matter how fierce the tides of the this ocean called "life" gets.
The one whom I will always love and cherish as the days of life wind to a thin.. As the darkness of the world collapses on us..
As we share all of our sorrows and fears as one.. All of our moments and happiness as one...
And most importantly... Share our love for each other as one.. I love you.. More than I ever thought possible