Night after night
Of crying in agony
because of you
Now I spend my precious tears
Giving them to the moon
and wishing for you back

While you prowl
In the dim moonlight
I pray you please
Please dont touch him.

He wont be able to resist you
And your boundless temptations
But you are more
You are capable of compassion

I cant bear to see
What you'll do to him
And what he will reciprocate
And how my heart will punish itself

Hes the one you want at your side
Because hes the one that has your back

Is this really
all I have to give?

I've smoked more cigarettes
Than calories I've consumed this week

Perhaps I was wrong
Maybe on my own
I am not a complete person


Or


Maybe I had given
So much of myself to him
That I only feel complete around him
Because my body aches
For the return of those pieces

Some monsters have hearts
And we become the monsters
When we dont look for them

You still live inside my eyes
I see everything through you
At the end of the day I guess
That explains why I see the world
Crumbling to ash or
Bathing in blood

All along you were something
Not of this place
Physical or hyper-realistic
You were a tar pit I fell into
Now I deal with the ramifications
Mending my scorched flesh back together

Little girls fear the monsters
Hiding under their beds
Waiting in horror for the moment
It decides to strike
Rather, she should be waiting
For the daunting moment
nascent womanhood takes hold
And the monster under her bed
Becomes the man laying in bed
Next to her

You are the reason I fear I never
Give birth to a daughter
Your fingers reach far and dig deep
Souls like yours spawn from
The coldest flames
and the hottest anger
Therefore nearly eternal
Set forth to bring the end

When I think of the pain I felt
I try to think of all of the others
you will eventually trick
Much like what you did
to me
And I pick a religion
Then pray, and pray, and pray
And when I'm done
When I rise from my bruised and tired knees

I pick a new religion and I pray again
For all of those before me
And the ones to come after
I pray for the girls
Laying in bed and terrified of the things
All girls should be afraid of
Still ignorant to what men like you do
I pray they be preserved and find love
Only where love should be found
I pray for myself last,
because I have already survived you

But...do I ever pray for you?
In a moment of pride and strength
I will tell you I do-
in times of my weakness
I fall to my knees and I prayed
*You would be fixed

Cold
And coated in ice

This is me leaving you
Before I destroy you too

Baby,
I'm just a man
Lead by a candle
Trying to find my way to Heaven's gates
But look at you
The angel I've always wanted to find
Taking me straight to hell
How ironic
To find such beautiful wings are tainted
And cannot fly
Seems they were only made for falling

You won't see me again under this moon
You won't even be
Seeing your own bed tonight,
will you?

"What are you looking at, when you get lost in my eyes?"
He had no response so I began again
"In yours I see the storm,
I can see all the ways you hate yourself
And all the ways you rip and pull apart
All of your insecurities
But I also see the calm, and I feel the warmth
Coming from the sand under my feet
As I wait on the beach, in the eye of the storm.
Even through the chaos, in your eyes, I feel comfort and calm"
Then the storm came
and I kissed every drop off his cheeks

I dropped it and let him drift off
in my arms
He thought he got off free, but
I know when his eyes are closed
is when he's vulnerable and honest
And I asked again, with clouds over his mind
And his answer:
"Home"
The faintest mumble of a sleeping hero
Stopped my heart
"Your eyes bring me home"

Let me feel that freedom
That you feel
When you choose her
Over me

Is something grown in trust
And nurtured in integrity
Not something you can just assume
Because you see your partner
Holding it all

Will these feet of mine
get tired of carrying
this excuse of a soul?

Its messy
And perfect

Complicated
And easy

Intricate
And simple

Peaceful
And painful

...Oh god
And it can be excruciating

But we're in love
And I'll brave anything

You spill too much information
to lie to me now
and think you can get away with it

Poems can't mend every hearbreak
But I'll de dammed if I don't try

If you spent less time
Fighting yourself
Maybe you'd actually
Be able to save someone else

But how can you stand on your own cape
As your hair catches fire
And tell the world it's fine?

It rejected me
The lake
It truly did

My soul had never been so devastated
I jumped once more
Deep off the dock
To the very bottom

I let my body go limp
take me
I preached
But no
Not yet I guess


My body rose
Like a hot hair balloon
Crashing not to the sky
But to the surface of the water

And my lungs re-inflated
With the hatred of this world
I pushed myself back under
Breathing in the precious liquid
Brown in color

But no,
not yet
Not me.
For I am
Not worthy
Of The Lake

I'm not the one who deserves another demon
But your crying eyes will haunt me eternally

This water
Has a strange way
Of making me want to die

No, no.
Not suicide
I don't want to die
I very much want to live
I love those around me
But

The water
That **** water
It calls to me in peace
Offering it at the bottom
Of the murky water

Everything you've ever wanted
It says
Just swim deep enough to find it
It sings
And I want to.

I want to plunge to the bottom
And find all that I think I deserve
Cold bitterness overpowering my lungs
And the peace and joy
I was always offered all along

It must be against some
Law of Nature
For me to be happy
Since every opportunity I've ever had
Rots and decays in my hand

And I'm still falling
I'm still in love

Does it make me evil
To love him
More than myself?

Last night I slept for the first night in weeks
The bottle sang me the lullaby
You never could

Soon you'll learn
That time is no different than space

But not for me

His honesty
Lights the way
To a home in him
I never knew I had

I guess all I have been trying to say is:
This all hurt,
More than anything I have ever had to feel
But I hope she can love you
In all of the ways that I couldn't

I won
I finally did
But still for her
I feel the loss
And pain
And I wish
Somewhere close to the surface
Of my heart
(Though I wish I could say it comes form a place deep down)
I could take the pain from her
I wish that I could carry it
Far from her
For she lays in this bed
Yet, by her own hands she did not make it
She was thrown into those sheets
Not a victim intentionally
But crowned so by fate.

I'm sorry.

My beautiful body
Tainted by a wicked mind

Silver clouds
raining down
flood the world
and let it drown

Taint the soil
let it boil
one last call
end it all

sunlight shatters
did it matter?
in this finale
where will you be

in the arms of love
or dying of
the silver liquid

He chose me
Something about me
In his eyes
Lead him back

Even despite the fact
That I wasnt wanted by the Lake
I was thrown from the water
It didn't love me

But he does
He truly, truly does.
Who needs the Lake,
When I can swim in his love forever?

I liked the days better when
You were begging to hold my hand
As we froze beneath the winter sun
Rather than it being pushed away
While me welt from the weight of the summer star

My soul is on fire
Burning for all the sins
My body committed

It became
All too real
Excitement
Passion
Grace
But so did the
Fear and
Loss

But not hope
It will be the light
To guide me back
Into your arms

How long will it take me to see
That out of all my pain and agony
Eventually comes beauty and grace?

If every bee
Was limited to one flower
We wouldn't have pollination

How sweet is the sirens call
as she sits and waits
Her gaze is beatiful
and dangerous
Her melody so intoxicating
and deadly

Beware the beauty in the shadows
For it's nothing more than filth in the light

Those teaching us to survive
Are always the ones
Trying to take life from us

Is knowing that you'll be the one
To break my heart
For the last time

Theres nothing I can do
Or want to do
To stop you

I know my fate and the role you play
So I'm here to love you
Until the moment you destroy the last pieces of me

I wish I could say I'm in love
But right now I'm not so sure
Not even about myself

I'm honestly searching for something
It doesn't have to be serious
But it needs to be genuine

He touched the hole in my chest
Without hesitation he dove into his own
Holding out the beating ***** to me
Leaving himself empty
To make me whole

I miss you like the sun misses the moon:
Each day
And every night.

My words could never be
As beautiful as her soul
Or complete as her person

These whiskey feelings
I give myself
Straight from the cup
Tonight
**** me more than anything else
And leave me more empty
Than I have ever been

I'm in desperate need of saving
But only worthy of being saved
When I beg for it first