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Kalliope Jan 2021
Today I will cry
For the you that I wanted
For the you that I saw
For the you that you are
For the you that I loved
For the us that will never be
Kalliope Jul 17
What if today I took up space,
Decided it’s okay to love my face?
I’m allowed to scream and shout,
Don’t have to fake it, or hide to pout.

What if I told you you’d caught my eye,
Instead of waiting as moments pass by?
Would I then be viewed aggressive?
For knowing what I want, deemed obsessive?

Maybe I just want my needs fulfilled,
To show you I’m here, and equally skilled.

What if I let myself laugh too loud,
Not worrying about standing out in a crowd?
Let my opinions spill like wine,
No apologizing for these thoughts that are mine.

What if I danced alone in the street,
Made strangers smile at my untamed beat?
Would I still be called too much,
Or would someone finally crave my touch?

What if I didn’t talk myself down,
Lived my truth without fearing your frown?

I could say whatever comes to mind,
No more stitches, my lips now unbind.
I’ve made myself so small these days,
But I want to be big, have my turn on the stage.

This time I won’t even perform,
I’ll give a speech, I’ll change my norm.
Maybe it’s time to be unhinged,
To let myself out, chase a few whims.
What if I dared to love myself?
Kalliope May 29
If I sit here just long enough,
maybe I'll forget

Just for a minute

If I let the sun kiss my face and the breeze cool my skin,
maybe I can pretend

Just for a minute

If I focus on the birds and my little girls laugh,
if I could just be present

Just for a minute
For sixty seconds, I just want to feel secure.
For sixty seconds, I want to be sure
that I’m allowed a good life,
and I don’t have to be the one who ruins it.
Kalliope Jun 5
To the girls who grew up too fast,
now women who cling to hopes of magic,
I'd like to propose a toast and raise a glass-
the reality we escape from is tragic.

Whether your vision is a knight or prince,
or even a jester at times,
I want you to know I feel less alone,
drinking tea and reading your rhymes.

To the ones who whisper to stars at night,
who still make wishes when clocks strike eleven- eleven,
we may not have fairytales etched in gold,
but we scribble our own versions of heaven.

To the ones who carry too much weight,
and still find time to dream,
here’s to healing in fragments and poems,
and patching our hearts at the seams.
Therapy is expensive
Poetry is priceless
Kay
Kalliope Jan 2019
Kay
Perpetually lost
Figuratively stuck
Exhaustingly overworked
Disgustingly underpaid
Literally confused
Effortlessly cliche
Beautifully me
Sometimes it be like that
Kalliope Apr 2018
I can't stand you unless you're between my legs.
It's not love but can we just pretend a little longer?
Kalliope Jan 15
If I go to the left I miss out on the right,
And I'll never know what's right for me.
But I sit and feel doom, and plead with the moon to illuminate what I need to see.

The path was a fork, cut black and white
A simple 50/50 decision.
But under moon light, it's more than I thought, with unpaved paths through the grass that have risen.

A beautiful maze, all of these ways I could get to my destination,
But each road I turn too, the next one I yearn for, so I'm stuck here in purgatory station.
I don't want to be one thing,
I want to be all,
A mother, a lover, a friend, successful
But I can't shake the feeling,
That choosing a path
Puts one of my dreams to an end
Kalliope Jul 2024
When the spark is gone
And just a candle burns
I can't promise I'll be around

See the wax it melts,
So painfully slow
But the sparkler,
Knows how to put on a show

The wax could warm me,
And make me feel whole,
Scented with safety and patience

But the fireworks?
They make my heart race,
And for a second it's my only focus

And I know what they'll say
You can relight a candle,
A sparkler's a one time thing

But that won't stop me,
From fighting for the spark
Even if it keeps me on my knees
All good things come to an end
So they say
Or do I end all good things?
Kalliope May 23
Tiptoeing around the tension,
“I don’t know”  overwhelms my veins.
But lately I’ve had an idea,
Maybe it’s time for change.

No more hiding in “maybe,”
Or feeling safe behind “we’ll see.”
There’s no comfort in ghosting,
Just the crushing weight of accountability.

Or maybe the lack of it—between you and me.
I said I was protecting myself,
But this can’t be what that means.

I tried not to love you, kept my distance from the start.
But your charm cracked open
my reluctant armored heart.

You were clever, made more sense than others,
Quick wit, no regrets, and never forced me under covers.
So I let myself fall, thinking I’d be caught,
But my parachute? Just bricks I forgot.

You were ready to catch me, hands up in the air, it's not your fault that I crashed out, you're lucky I didn't land there.
I built a home in the land of maybes
It's lonely, until sunset
Then the ghosts come out for tea
Kalliope Jul 8
It’s like that first time you smoke a cigarette with your friends-
a little gross, but you feel so cool.

Or the first time you flash your
I.D. at the bar,
not knowing what to order, but loving the freedom to choose.

When you’re gripping the steering wheel so tight your knuckles turn white,
finally feeling tires touch concrete that isn’t a parking lot.

Decorating that ****** apartment,
paying the first month’s rent-
broke, yet so **** proud.

Holding your diploma in
trembling hands,
a piece of paper most people get,
but this one has your name on it.

That first day everything clicks at work,
a shift so smooth it’s forgotten on the rough days that follow.

That first kiss under the stars,
dopamine shockwaves flooding
every nerve-
you’ll stay up for days on the memory.

Even the devastating realization
that nothing lasts forever,
laying in bed as rain beats
against your window,
music reverberating through a hollow chest.
Every journey starts with something new
As long as you're brave enough to make the move
Kalliope Jun 10
I was handed fists
for as long as I can remember.
My curiosity—squashed with screams.
I didn’t learn the alphabet—
it was beaten into my ribs.

I didn’t hold hands.
But their grip was tight enough
to remind me I’d never leave.
I’ve been property since conception,
just signed over with a new lease.

My tears were never wiped—
they were smacked off my face. You must swallow all emotion or you're a disgrace.

I was to speak when spoken to and never out of turn. What happens at home stays at home and no one else should learn.

It wasn't a phase mom- daughters marry men like their dads. Though I came pre-etched in rules there was a new ruler to be had.

I was handed fists,
my whole life,
disguised as loving encouragement
to be better.

How was I to know you don't have to yell to show passion?
Every instance swept under the rug must be remembered if I want to heal
But I'm afraid this will be my undoing
Kalliope Jun 25
I like when it storms,
the push and the pull
I'm addicted to the adrenaline and playing who's the fool
I've got a boat to survive the hurricane,
It's a little rickety and there's a few holes but what's love if you can't thrive in the rain?
Sometimes we drown but it's not forever, something about gasping for air makes that first breath of understanding better
I might run from your thunder until I match the beat,
find me in your orchestra-
the very first seat
It's always a shock when my lightning strikes, sudden and bitter and riddled with spite
But the worst part is when quiet comes, can we afford to rebuild or do we leave our land destroyed as it was?
And like a wild fire it's aftermath is devastating
But how can we breath new life into what's already overgrown?
Kalliope Jun 15
Breathe in cool air
Breathe out smoke
My own inconsistencies
make me ******* choke
I love to give love,
don't like to receive it
Even if it is real,
I rarely believe it
Let me hold your hand but
don't reach for mine
I'll be patient with you,
if I have the time
An ache to be seen yet
I'm shrouded in shame
I'm floating alone with
only myself to blame
In love with loving,
affection, and touch
But to believe I'm to be wanted?
That's a bit much
Being self aware was never the issue,
Changing thinking patterns is a struggle
Kalliope May 26
My days are all purple,
Not yellow, not green,
But a lavender, orchid, and lilac
shaded screen
My vision ever tainted
With visions of you
Kalliope Oct 2018
Everyday I come home
I eat dinner at
My table of selfpity
To watch old memories play on
My television of self doubt
Showering in jealousy and hate
Finally forcing sleep on
My bed of loneliness
Self destructive
I can't stop
Unproductive
I'm just a prop
Kalliope Apr 2018
Whenever I flip my lucky cigarette
I always wish for you.
You don't like the smell of them.
Kalliope Jun 30
I pick out my tea bags,
Sometimes two or three,
Steep them in hot water,
Letting them be.

Then I sift through my cabinets,
Searching with care,
For the best little items
My chai might wear.

I’ve already made sweet foam
To crown her with flair,
Maybe she'd like brown sugar
To melt in her hair.

Honeyed lace drips down-
Her favorite sweet,
She pairs well with maple,
Cinnamon makes her complete.

Deciding how we’ll dress her,
A very indecisive time,
Should she wear caramel today,
Or vanilla to rhyme?

Perhaps she’ll indulge,
Mixing both with a grin-
A drink dressed in luxury,
My soft comfort within.
Picking out the mug is another story...
Kalliope Apr 2018
And just like the weather in Ohio your love will never be consistent.
Kalliope Jun 29
I wash myself with water,
you find too hot to touch
But it soothes my aching muscles and
my tired soul so much
Relaxation is becoming me,
with eucalyptus in the air,
Soothing all my senses while I
lather it through my hair
Jelly bean body scrub in hand,
everything smells sweet
Exfoliating the day from my being, removing myself from defeat
Rubbing circles along my jaw to massage away exhaustion,
high pressured heat to free my shoulders of the burden they carry so often
Body oil to top it off,
strawberry my favorite choice
It's hard to hate yourself when you smell so good,
but it's easier to find my voice
It’s just soap and steam and strawberry oil, but it feels like a ritual to remind my body she’s worthy of being loved ✨️
Kalliope May 27
Did you love me?
Or was it just my laughter at your jokes—
my habit of giggling, even at your half-shady pokes?

Did you love me?
Or did I just have the time?
Did you think, “Yeah, she’s not half bad. This could be just fine.”

Did you love me?
Or were you just scared—
tired of doing life alone, craving a body that cared?

Was it real for you? Or just another game?
Was I a plot point in your story
because the chapters had gotten tame?

These thoughts still haunt me—
and the truth I’ll never know.
Mostly because I’d never ask—
and I wouldn't survive you saying “no.”
Some flowers bloom but never grow,
Their roots too shy to let you know.
Your lunar petals, pale and bright,
Still haunt my garden every night
Kalliope Jul 2
I’m not a morning person,
And I’ve never liked birds,
But today I sat outside
With my coffee in hand.

Yeah, it was hot,
But the heat felt good on my skin,
Like the sun was embracing me
As he rose from his slumber,
Like I was the first thing he reached for
When he woke up.

The breeze swayed the grass gently,
Carrying quiet secrets in its sigh,
And for a moment I wondered
If mornings had always felt this kind,
Or if today was just different,
Because I finally let myself enjoy it.

It was a good morning,
My thoughts finally at ease.
I’ve always loved the sunset,
But watching the sky fade
From cool blues to warm hues
Felt special in a way I didn’t expect.
And I wonder if he enjoyed his morning with me too
Kalliope Jun 10
I saw her as a martyr,
a victim by my side—
helpless, I thought,
unable to pull us from his tides.

I excused it—
how could she raise five kids alone?
I gave her my compassion,
placed my trust on her throne.

But now that I’m older,
the fog starts to lift—
She wasn’t just passive,
she CHOSE not to shift.

She wasn’t just broken,
she wielded these cracks,
a villain in silence,
he just launched the attacks.
We teach women to suffer quietly then tell our children it's love
Kalliope Oct 2024
One man today, another man tomorrow
To have been mixed up with you
Gave me everlasting sorrow
For the time that I spent and the tears that I wept
Always making sure your heart and house were well kept
The mean you that I hated, the goofy you that I loved
I'm not sure how the two coincide or if you were ever in love
Compassion for you I still carry but the anger never goes away, I wonder if I'll ever heal from you, this pain likes to stay.
And I picked you apart,
Incessantly studied your brain,
But all of my effort was made in vain
Kalliope Jun 4
They always think I'm dumb
That I don't understand,
I don't know what I'm talking about- I don't have a plan
I ask questions if I don't have a clue, so why is it assumed I don't know what to do?
I'm educated, I always got good grades
Why does everyone treat me like I live in a daze?
They double check me- every word that leaves my mouth, I'm never met with equal standing only others doubts
I can't vent or rant or cry or ramble
I'm only met with lectures on why my life's in shambles
All I needed was a compassionate ear
I should have long ago realized I'd never find it here
Kalliope Jan 2019
I hope your new life is free
Cool breezes
No stress
I hope you stretch your legs
With no worries
Your pond full of shrimp
Your heart full
I bet your feathers
Are positively pink
And always fluffed
Admiring your admirers
And I hope you know
While you hangout with your flamingo flock
Forgotten, you are not
I miss you
Kalliope Apr 2018
I've always been in love with who I hoped you could be, not who you are.
Kalliope Jul 2024
I wore my heart on my sleeve
For way too many years
And now she is tattered and torn

I still ball up the shreds
And hand them to men
In hopes she won't come back worse
Loving love is a curse
Kalliope 19h
Star-crossed dreamers,
Bound together by thread,
Cosmic peaceful bliss-
But lover, that planet is dead.

The wind carries no laughter,
The sun has lost its heat,
Nighttime is silent and dark now,
Its life cycle complete.

The trees have all now rotted,
The soil has long turned sour,
It’s been months since April’s showers,
And May could never flower.

Lover, I must escape now,
The oxygen is gone,
I know you said you’d never be back,
But I was hoping you were wrong.

I planned to stay here,
To fix it in your absence,
So if you did return,
You’d see we could make sense.

Your rocket never flew back,
And lover, I know not where you went,
Trembling in my escape pod,
Hoping where you are, I’m sent.

I sealed this final message,
In orbiting satellite streams,
Hoping the words find you,
Beyond our broken dreams.

I know this was our ending,
And it echos through the void,
Now our world has perished,
Our civilization destroyed.

I can’t look out this window,
To watch our star implode,
But I feel it in my chest,
That sharp sting of letting go.

And while I drift away,
To somewhere perceived safe,
To long forget our planet,
And the evolution we made.
Just another point of interest blacked out on my astronomers map.
Kalliope Jul 1
A cleaner slate than ever,
All traces scrubbed away,
And while I can admit I was cowardly,
That’s something you’d never say.

I no longer crave your closure,
The whole picture’s clear to see,
It was never about my well-being
You just found someone else to please.

Which makes it extra ******,
Reaching out just to gloat,
You couldn’t leave me be,
Had to shove it down my throat.

It’s changed my whole perception
Of the soul I thought you had,
I believed all that interlinked *******-
So that’s my ******* bad.

Now you open another playbook,
Most likely filled with the same plays,
And I just have to laugh at myself-
That’s just the way of the game.
There's so many of you who personally reach out to me, which is sweet ❤️ so I'm gonna say in advance I am fine, I just feel very bitter today and I'll be back on the path to loving life again tomorrow ✨️
Kalliope Jun 16
The worst they can say is no
The worst that can happen is I'm wrong
The worst that can happen,
isn't the worst at all
The world will still turn,
the sun will still shine,
the moon will still listen when
I'm not feeling fine
I can move on or learn something new,
I don't have to fear the unknown,
I can be me-
not what's wanted from you
And every day it gets easier to breathe
Kalliope Jun 25
I deserve love and laughter and joy,
I know how to get it I don't have to be coy
I can give love and friendship and kindness, without even thinking of it, so ingrained it's mindless
I can trust my intuition and the thoughts in my brain, I don't have to have someone else double check my every play
I can be successful and support myself
I don't have to dim my light and hide on the middle shelf
I get to choose how I live this life that is mine, and I'm choosing to indulge in everything divine
I can make moonwater on my window sill,
I have many intentions and dreams to fill
Kalliope Jun 10
I think you're beautiful
From your soul to your toes
And though you don't like it,
I love your big nose
I think you're pretty,
stealing glances at me
My cheeks will get rosy but
I'll pretend I don't see
I think you're handsome,
with the strength that you carry,
a light as bright as yours,
takes a lot of effort to bury
I think you're beautiful when you feel that you are not,
seeing you smile- I loved that alot
I think you're gorgeous,
a compassionate man,
dealt lackluster cards yet
creating the upper hand
I think you're beautiful
In all that you do,
And when I picture future me?
She's sitting right next to future you.
Words unsaid can't haunt me if I say them and stop worrying about the outcome
Kalliope Apr 2018
A word used only to be polite.
You don't love her if you think she's "nice"
Kalliope Apr 23
She'll nail the audition, she always does
She even gets the lead more often than not,
But like clock work, her performance declines with each rehearsal
She can't hit the notes,
Her costume begins fitting funny,
Don't get me started on her choreography,
But she'll pursue, until she's booed
Off the stage on opening night.

And this is her curse,
She'll nail the first verse,
And have seemingly no control as she gets worse
Why does every director leave her wondering if there's something wrong with her?
Kalliope Apr 2018
Sometimes when I drink coffee I find myself missing you,
So sometimes I don't drink coffee.
Kalliope Mar 13
I breathe too much and you hear nothing else
I hold my breathe then I'm gasping for air
Either way I'm too loud
Quietly suffering, well that's just too moody
Screaming into the dark, well that's a tad dramatic,
Yet I never seem to choose the right response
Kalliope Jul 11
I’m shaking, I’m breaking, I don’t know what to say,
I know I have faults, but you made me this way.
I grew you gardens, you smashed them to the ground,
Made me feel like I was horrible to be around.

You’d do anything for me, a knight at my heel,
But when I got comfortable, that’s when you got real.
Suit of armor discarded, no time to waste,
I must submit and forget freedom’s taste.

I can’t trust your kindness, it always feels fake,
Anxiety peaked, each smile feels like a mistake.
I tunneled out, broke away from your ground,
But you broke my mind, my thinking unsound.

If someone is kind, my heart starts to race,
Because kindness once ended with knuckles to my face.
Trust in this world is so hard to be found,
I’m trying to heal, but I’m being too loud.

Yet I don’t know any other way,
Than to scream my thoughts and even my pain.
It’s up and down, this chaos I’m feeling,
It’s bitterly exhausting—
But I guess that’s just healing.
I want off this rollercoaster ride
I want away from this unsteady tide
I hate feeling like this at night
I know, I know it'll be alright
Kalliope Apr 2019
I fell so easily
Into your mold
What I thought would be warm
Is now so cold
I set the oven
To 300 hundred degrees
The only thing I feel now
Is your bitter freeze
You didn't follow the recipe
Kalliope Jun 12
We never had a song—
no chorus to hum,
no melody stitched
into the seams of us.

And maybe we didn’t need one.
Maybe the silence was enough.
But you love music.
And I love music.

So how did we not have a song,
if the love was real?
When we were dancing
were we pretending to feel?
I have no song I can't listen to while I grieve what was, and somehow that's healing.
Kalliope Sep 2024
You ask me to get dinner
So casually I almost didn't hear it
And the chemistry is there
And you're waiting for my yes
But all I do is stare
In my head he tells me to go
But my heart is screaming no

You asked me to get dinner
So casually I chose not to hear it
And the chemistry is there
And yeah we could be a match
But I wouldn't dare
In my head he tells me to go
But his heart is all I want to know
I can't open this door with you
The previous door isn't closed
And maybe that door will slam in my face
But the decision to wait is mine to make
And at the end of the day
You're not him
Kalliope Jan 2019
With an open palm
And out stretched arm
You grasp my hand
But once again you take no weight
Intertwine your fingers with mine
Make my heart skip beats
Just long enough to transfer
Your demons
They play well with mine
I've got no space
I'm filled to the max
I take them anyway
With my heart in cracks
You're never here for me
But I can't tell you no
Kalliope Jun 2
Just a little too much
to overfill a glass,
not quite enough
to fill up the pitcher.

Dripping down the sides,
an ever-messy lover,
yet spiraling in panic
when I’m spilt on the floor.

Whether the rain revives me,
or the sun dries me up—
I don’t fit anywhere
I want to.
I don't want to be liquid anymore,
I want to be solid.
Kalliope Jun 27
I like to play music wherever I am,
I find it very grounding, my centering stand.
Even if mentally I'm drifting in the clouds,
Humming the tune, maybe singing out loud.

I like that for three minutes I feel something else,
Shuffle my playlist and the cards I’ve been dealt.
I could be angry or happy or sad,
These songs change my spirits, even just a tad.

A verse can hold me when no one is near,
A chorus can quiet what I don't want to hear.
Melodies mend what I can't fix alone,
Lyrics remind me my soul has a home.

So I play my songs to remember or forget,
To calm down my worries and ease my regret.
Music keeps me moving when I’m stuck in my head,
Breathing life into days that feel heavy as lead.
I’ve started writing just about what I like,
No more poems to boost a man’s psyche.
My words aren’t for you to misunderstand-
This pen will never write your name again.
Kalliope May 14
I yelled back when I was younger,
screamed while I cried,
maybe I didn't understand,
but I knew it wasn't right.

I fought back when she wouldn't,
she’d go to bed and hide.
His power over little kids
was his only source of pride.

Not me, though, I never gave in.
I talked right back at every whim.
Sometimes I’d even instigate,
if it saved my sister a violent fate.

Shut up now, sit down.
Be a good girl and make us proud.
Your grades are falling? How can that be?
Put your sister in the tub,
It’s my house, and I’m the King.
You never listen, that’s why you can’t go out.
You have friends? With your attitude? That I doubt.

Nothing got past me when I was a child,
Mouth of a martyr who oddly went quiet.
And I’m not really sure when that happened to me.
The defiance has died,
Now I sit at their feet.

"He’s not a bad man, he’s misunderstood.
His life was hard, he’s finding his way.
It wouldn’t be very supportive if I didn’t stay! I know it looks bad but it's really okay."

I went from loud-mouthed, defiant, and strong,
To caring about eggshells disturbed by my wrongs.
I finally learned obedience,
aren’t you happy, Dad?
I’ll spend my life anxious
over making men mad
Kalliope Jul 2018
Better off now than I ever was
Better space, better place

Richer now than I ever was
Richer space, richer place

Safer now than I ever was
Safer space, safer place

Lonelier now than I ever was
Lonely space, lonely place
Everyone disappears when you're doing good
Kalliope Jun 12
Ill watch the bees in the clover and my daughter play in the sand,
Ill play music with my friends and
bask in the sun-
I might even let myself have a little fun
But the moon will rise and
night will quiet
I'll reset my house and
my heart will riot
She wants to say things and
express her emotions,
while yes I too want to feel love-
I'm tired of drowning in it's oceans
It's my fault for being so restrained
Kalliope Jun 2
I think I killed the mundane,
growing up wishing to be saved.
I think I killed gentle gestures,
through teenage years, craving someone who cared.

I think I killed connection,
living through my twenties, not knowing who to trust.
I think I killed the mundane,
now I’m nearly thirty,
no closer to my fairytale than I was at fifteen
My mom says it's time to grow up
I can't waste my life chasing real love,
My mom says it's time to get real
Fairytales don't exist it's not a big deal
Kalliope May 2019
Just a pen and a cap
Made perfectly for each other
Fitting together tightly
But the cap has been chewed on
And no longer fits
Just like plastic
Kalliope Oct 2018
Surrounded by people I love
Never quite sure if they love me
Not sure I'd believe that they did

Surrounded by people who care
Never quite sure if it's true
Not sure I can confide in them

Surrounded by my own thoughts
Never quite sure why they're so mean
Not sure I can disagree with them

Surrounded by pain and trauma
Never quite sure who to tell
Not sure they would stay after
I live in my head
Kalliope Jan 2021
Frantic and crazy
Everything happens to me
Calm and relaxed
Everything happens for a reason
In the moment vs reflection
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