You and your romantic ways, your countless list of reasons, your lovely lilac haze
Shadowed only by your fears there's not a universe where I stay.

Battled me.

And all my disarray
The timing and the distance, my thoughts that force resistance.
My lack of patience sure put up a fight, and mix her with my temper and we'll be here all night.
My fear, always ready to run, pulling me back behind the wall I built, away from the warmth of your sun.

I am not your property.
You do not own me.
I choose to stay.

At least that's what I tell myself.

I've watered this garden for ages
Yet nothing ever grows
I've consulted botanical mages
They haven't the time for my trivial woes

I've pruned with bloodied fingertips-
Soil so stubborn, refusing to shift
I've given every pamphlet a flip
Still no signs of a horticultural gift

With heavy eyes
And stiff bones
I say goodbye
To what was once
A home
I am afraid
I have to go
A brand new road
To be travelled alone
I won't forgot
All those good times
We had on late nights
And cheap moonshine
In my heart
I'll forever hold
As I say goodbye
To who was once a home

Laying on the beach
alone in the dark,
only with the stars
and the sound of the waves.

Sitting on the edge,
just where the tide could touch my toes
but doesn’t.

There’s sand in my hair
but I don’t mind-
it’s warm against my back.

I feel everything
and nothing
all at once,
staring at the moon
as if she’s looking back.

And when the cold water
hits my skin,
I know what she means
and I feel content enough
to leave.

Every one knows cigarettes and liquor
Are temporary
Rough *** and late drives end as quickly as they began
You stop tripping and rolling once you wake up
How foolish of me to think you were forever

I just want someone to look at me
To see me,
For all that I am
Look AT me-
Not through me
And past where I stand

I just want someone to know me,
To feel me,
To want who I am

And for a second,
Quite briefly,
I think our eyes met
And that scared me so bad
I immediately left

So I cut my hair
And changed my barbells
Switched out my hoop
And bought new clothes
Rearranged my room
Changed shampoos
But still I feel the same

The best mug in the cabinet
Sits on the middle shelf
Everyone always grabs it
Rarely left to itself
The handle fits perfect
Though increasingly worn
Held in palms to reflect
With liquid so warm

I walked through your doors and it was cold,
Cathedral walls made of stone.
Everything towering over me,
Intimidating and exciting.
It was midday and the light through the windows cast rainbow lights, hues of blue and yellow against cold stone floors.
Mesmerized I couldn't move, desperate to study every intricate detail.
But now the day is done, darkness so thick it's suffocating.
So quiet and still the only thing I hear is my fear, I don't know how to get out.
I lost the entrance studying your walls, and now I pace in silence.
Everytime I get closer to the exit, the sun shines again.
And I'm drawn deeper into your maze following the beauty, until it's night and I'm lost more than before and craving your daylight.

You brought me flowers
But what does it mean?
I can ponder for hours
But I still want you to leave

And this wine is my favorite
I'm surprised you remembered,
I don't know what you expect of it
The man I once loved, you almost resembled

But you haven't been him for a long while
And I know you'll never be him again
Sure, these gestures make me smile
But to say I still love you would be pretend

And just like the weather in Ohio your love will never be consistent.

Surrounded by people I love
Never quite sure if they love me
Not sure I'd believe that they did

Surrounded by people who care
Never quite sure if it's true
Not sure I can confide in them

Surrounded by my own thoughts
Never quite sure why they're so mean
Not sure I can disagree with them

Surrounded by pain and trauma
Never quite sure who to tell
Not sure they would stay after

You can be full of life
Bursting with it
Growing hope inside you
Nauseous with happiness
Heart beating with uncertainty

It takes 5 minutes to strip it away
One choice
One decision
To throw you into a lifetime of
Pain and over thinking

If I can't unlove you
                Surely I can write myself
                                                  Out of love

I'm picking up

       What you're putting down

                   You didn't have to throw

                                     it

                                     at

                                     me.

I miss Sunday mornings
On the couch with coffee
After a long Saturday night
Spent with nicotine and your body

I miss your t-shirts on my skin
With nothing covering yours
Your head on my lap
Just ignoring all our chores

I miss riding in your car
Cozy in the passenger seat
Windows down music loud
Soaring down the street

I miss the day I left
Fighting over how it all began
Lighting up my cigarette
Promising you could be a better man

I'm sorry I didn't understand how to love slowly,
It's a shame you didn't have the patience to show me.

There's an ant on my window, it smelled something sweet
Has he ever faced heart break? Does she know about defeat?

There's an ant on my window, and he has many friends
Do you think that they're talking? Are they talking about me?

There's some ants on my window, and I'm watching them go,
Each of them together working in a synchronized flow

You ask me to get dinner
So casually I almost didn't hear it
And the chemistry is there
And you're waiting for my yes
But all I do is stare
In my head he tells me to go
But my heart is screaming no

You asked me to get dinner
So casually I chose not to hear it
And the chemistry is there
And yeah we could be a match
But I wouldn't dare
In my head he tells me to go
But his heart is all I want to know

You're like fireflies in July
The air is thick
The night is dark
Your light mesmerizing me from where I stand
I'll try all night to catch up
Quietly moving through the dark
Waiting to see your glow beside me
But I'm too clumsy
And I am not quiet
And you're always five steps ahead

I fell so easily
Into your mold
What I thought would be warm
Is now so cold
I set the oven
To 300 hundred degrees
The only thing I feel now
Is your bitter freeze