i don’t
want to need
a pill
to feel
like a person.

i don’t
want to hate
my brain
for being
this way.

but i do.

i do.

my brain
won’t shut up.

every second
is another scream
i’m supposed to ignore.

it tells me
to hurt myself.
to disappear.
to stop pretending.

& honestly,
i’m tired
of pretending.

they say
“you have so much
to be happy about”
as if that erases
the weight
on my chest.

as if healing
is linear.
as if trauma
can’t sneak in
once the storm
has passed.

i really thought
i was better.

i was wrong.

& now i’m just
waiting
for the silence
to come back—
even if it means
i won’t.

If it was incredibly uncomfortable, there is a big lesson behind it. You are growing.

You are drowning me with your negativity                                                       ­                                               
Coming off you like waves soaking me                                                               ­                    
                                                                ­                                                          
I look for the sunshine, I long to see,                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                        
feel it's rays on my face & be happy                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­ 
You are the darkness, I need the light                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                                      
You feed off me like a vampire at night                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                       
 Slowly draining me of my energy                                                           ­                 
                                               ­                                                               
Leaving me feeling weak & empty                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                            
You were a dark soul when we met                                                              ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­               
That I couldn't help you, I regret                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                            
You've one foot in the grave & one on my chest                                                
           ­                                                                 ­                                
You've taken my all & stolen the rest                                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
A dried-up flower I have become                                                           ­                                               
                                                                ­                                                  
 my beauty & scent are long gone

Some days, I smile and I don’t know why,
Other days, I sit and just let time slide by.
Coffee gets cold, texts go unread,
Thoughts spinning circles inside my head.

Some days, I win little fights with my doubt,
Other days, I barely crawl out.
But I breathe, I try, I take one more stride
And that, for today, is enough on my side.