lately
familiar love
is not enough
anymore

lately
i want to
experience
a love
where i can
feel even more alive

reaching out,
our fingers
nearly
touch

just a little
bit further,
sparks fly


and i
lay alone
in bed

you weren't
there
you didn't
reach
for me

it was
just a dream
it was
just fake

one click,
not even
on purpose
and then –

nothing

my thoughts
my pain
my love –
gone

and some may
see this
at a fresh start
but I

I hold onto
the past
too much

i don't know
if i am lonely
and
craving for
romantical love
or
if i am
just a hopeless
romantic
stuck in
her dreams

i was
mesmerized
by your movements

the way
your hands
danced over
the drums

the way
your face
lightened up
when you played
the rhythm right

the way
you groaned
when you didn't

the way
you laughed
at the same time
with us

what if
we fall
in love
because

we'll never be
able to
love ourselves
one hundred percent?

what if
we fall
in love
because

we unconsciously
need constant
reminders
how worthy
we are
of love?

we should
live
like sunflowers -

leaving
the dark,
the shadows
behind us

and facing
the light,
the good things
in front of us

sometimes
I have to
get rid
of thoughts
that I can't even
tell my best friends

that's why
the moon
is one of my
most trusted ones

I fell alone
and no one caught me at the end
you say I'm just a friend
but act like I'm something more

3am
is a weird
time

you may
get angry
at the world
for every
little
injustice

you may
feel lonely
even though
you talk
with friends

you may
get nostalgic
remembering
all the times
you were careless

you may
fall in love
over and
over again

3am
is a weird
time

and yet
it is mostly
the time
you're your
purest self

i am
a night child

feeling safe
in the
dim darkness
illuminated
by the moon

finding calm
in the whispers
of the trees
an the wind

finding peace
within
the soft screeches
of an owl
and the
chirping of crickets

faint glimmers crackle,
smoke fills the air and lungs,
laughter fill ears.
secrets are exchanged,
jokes are told,
memories are relived.

All underneath
the moon who watches
our sins.

so many
words
and
thoughts
are flying
around
in my mind

i am not able
to make sense
of them

SOMEHOW

you blow away
my confidence

i keep saying
that I don't love you anymore
but I still feel like before

Tic toc
it’s half past eleven
I had a dream and thought;
I am in heaven.

Tic toc
heaven turned into hell
am I still dreaming?
I can’t tell

Tic toc
it’s an hour past midnight
I am wide awake
and wrapped in by the night

Tic toc
on the clock blinks a fat two
I have only one thing on my mind;
and that is you

Tic toc
now it’s already three
a devil on my shoulder tells me to overthink
and I agree

Tic toc
it’s nearly four
I am still not tired
and think some more

Tic toc
now the clock shows five
and god, how grateful I am
to be alive

Tic toc
my windows let through, the light of dawn
but my eyes close and show me darkness,
to which I am drawn

Tic toc
my alarm rings an hour later
I am exhausted because insomnia
struck again, this traitor

The way
she looks
at him?

With the
small smile
and
twinkling eyes?

That is how
you know
she loves him

The way
he treats
her?

With
soft hands,
never wanting
to let go?

That is how
you know
he loves her

why can't
we be

two midnight lovers
sharing kisses
in the safeness
of the night?

saying silent
I love you's
with our eyes
so no one
will hear?

holding hands
while walking away
until
our fingers
brush for
one last time?

why

can't we be
midnight lovers?

it's 3am
rain
is ponding
against
the window

darkness
swallows
even
the moon
and stars

and my soul
feels weirdly
vulnerable

her smile
isn't
bright as
the sun

her smile
is small
with
nearly
invisible
dimples

but it is
the most
genuine smile
you'll ever
see

she hid
her tears
behind
closed doors
and
a mask of attitude

but wanted
nothing more
than someone
to understand
and
a hug

without
her noticing
her favorite songs
always
remind her
of the person
she once
loved

i am looking
at
that cute picture
and i
wish
that i could see
you
everyday

It’s the 21st century
but still –
some people
get judged
about whom
they love

It’s the 21st century
but still –
some people
get criticised
about who
they are

It’s the 21st century
but still –
women are
less worth
than men

It’s the 21st century
but still –
dark-skinned people
get discriminated
and killed

One would think
that we live
in the 21st century
and not
in the middle ages
but still –
we must change
a lot
until
everyone is equal

i hid
my true
emotions
behind
jokes
and laughter

but your
playful comment
******* hurt

and yet
i still
overthink
and
overreact
over
things you do
even though
i shouldn't

“what
do you feel
when you think
of him?”

“I honestly
don’t know.
there are
so many things
I feel
when
I think
of him.

Among others...
confusion.
just
a little bit.”

when people
ask me if
i have
a type
then i don't
think about
anyone in particular

but i
still describe
you

imagine
we all would have
a playlist
with all
the songs
we used to love
but
forgot about

a lot of them
would bring back
memories
bonded to
joy

some
would bring back
memories
bonded to persons
we almost forgot
too

and some
may bring back
all the memories
we associate with
pain and
agony

but we would
still listen
to 'our' songs

sometimes i quit writing
because it kinda hurts

because i can't have
what i write

not with you

and i wonder

if 'you think (?)' about
'me too.'

if 'you feel (?)' the same
'i do.'

if 'you talk about me (?)'
the way
'i talk about you.'

No matter
what I tell
myself
and my friends –

You still
affect me

day by day
losing routine

day after day
losing more
motivation

day after day
missing
my friends

day after day
feeling more
numb

i feel
her emerald eyes
on me

and i
can't resist
the urge
to look up

so our
eyes meet
and there's
something shy
in them

it feels like
you're holding
something back
but I can't tell
what it is

I clung to
“what if”
and
“maybe”
as if

I was
drowning
and
they were
life-rings

But I
did not know
that
they were
riddled
with holes

i am not
going to
lie

i tried
to find
your socials

but it's like
you don't
even exist

Don’t
make promises
when
you’re drunk

Your sober self
will be
thankful

it feels like i know you
well,
even though
i don't

My parents' love
is strong;
even after 27 years
they still seem
to feel the butterflies

They share
whispers and secrets,
unknown to my ears

They share
tender kisses and hugs,
making me feel like an intruder
in their own little world

They share
a love
that can withstand
even the most severe storms

They share
a bond
no knife in the world
could cut through


I can only hope
that someday
I’ll experience
true love like theirs

i should
move on
i kinda
already have

but there
seems to be
a tiny part
hidden
in my heart
that belongs
to him

why do i
always start
to care
for people
i barely know

when they
probably don't
care about me

maybe you're just
really good
at hiding
your emotions

so maybe
you care
about me
more
than you
show

one brushstroke
after
another

there a little bit
of white
there a little bit
of blue

a song
fades
softly into
the background

and
my thoughts
once
don't revolve
around you

i don't meditate
but i paint