I’m scared
I don’t want to meet someone 10 years
in the future and have to do it all over. Who I am now is important.
Who I was in my childhood is so important.
I’m terrified of being so infinitely unknown
I just want to feel home
in someone or just somewhere
I wish 'childhood trauma' didn’t have to ******* up
so bad
years down the line.
Will it affect me forever?
Will it linger as a part of me forever?
Will it one day be so painfully insignificant that
I can move on with my life like everybody else?
Is that what I want?

hypocrisy is a beautiful phenomena
that humans can't help but indulge in

the end of the universe visits me each night and whispers the consequence of sleep
the dark, like a blanket, drapes itself over
the ashes of all we grieve
this bed where i lay, once soft and serene now threatens a place to be burried
consciousness drifts as i draw my last breathe, and what's left is this thriftless worry
i'd like to wake up, and i'd like to live on
but the end of time each day comes
i wish i could've saved all those who are gone
but the pain eventually numbs

I'm told to think of a man
and I think of your jaw
I think of the thinness of your lips
This is how it goes
The sigh was grand and my body was whole
It says that I miss you,
that your arms wrapped well
around my back, under my legs
I'm found burdened by the yearning
My eyes want to well and tear
But the sting shifts into anger
It has always been anger with you,
on my own accord
the act I got caught up in
The challenge of sweetness,
testing my faux purity's limits
It was never your fault,
Call yourself a monster, maybe I'll oppose you
maybe I'll spend hours reminding you of your heart
you Inglorious *******
I have a catch, an idea, for your ego
Tell yourself that you ruined me
Remind yourself each day
that you are the beast who broke my heart
It's pathetic
I didn't need you for that
I once thought that you were only my reminder
that a love like yours didn't exist for people like me
But I was wrong
I always knew
But I got lost in the distraction
I lost my dearest love in your pursuit
You, who cursed me with your affairs
You, who mocked me with secret lovers
You, who tormented me with my own time
Strangle me with expectation,
Raising the heat, raising the tension
Make me useless, make me kind
Make me pointless, make me kind
Make me silent, mute, garbage
Make me completely deteriorate
Spouting intuition translated into madness
I cannot remember 3 months ago to 15
my mind's last attempt to spare me
from the constant & pulsating misery
that was thinking of you
You were not a lesson
You were not worth it,
You were not worth the "wisdom"
Nothing was gained, only wasted
No matter created, only destroyed
You reduced me with a single hand
to dull and ***** rubble
Ready for you to walk over
crush me slightly with your weight
place your footprint
mark where you've been
It wasn't worth it
Not after a period of silence
For you to show your face unwarranted
You mistook me for a pleasant encounter
You should have known better
After it all
After it all
After it all
You have no right to speak to me this way
After it all
I'm still writing poems about you
It's embarrassing
I'm humiliated
It wasn't worth it
You were not worth it
I think of a man,
I think of my greatest waste of time