people live their lives
while i sit here sentimental

i want to see the world
the way you do, my dear
i want to see the stars
and wonder endlessly
and not yearn quite so much
to die

i want to cry when i look
at the texture of a brick
because it looks so real
and supports my weight

i want to look for beauty
and not feel despair
at every sign of goodness

i want to yearn and long
without this terrible guilt

i want to love and fear this life

and experience everything for the first time

again

whenever my mother is driving
and sees kids crossing the street
she stops
remembers their clothes
and checks the time
just in case
their pictures appear
on the news tomorrow

i warm up cool down forever
even you couldn't reach
that absolute zero
we are cursed with eternal warmth
that is life
the heaven the absence of hell the final
cold nothing

death is a comfort
a childhood friend
it creeps from the horrors
of the dark of night
it weeps for me
curled up on the floor
pens and headphones
drawing their picture
giving them sound

death is a companion
a reminder that I am not alone,
that someone understands
that someone is there
to guide me, when it comes
whenever it comes
it gives me a hand to hold
a body to hug
lips to kiss
a shoulder to cry
it provides
me everything

death is a blanket
a cotton-blended cover
to warm ourselves and
hide our secret deeds
we whisper to each other
in the night, forbidden lovers
and revel cold hot stillness
a beating heart which calms
itself by your
touch

yes, death is a lover
and they've loved me longer
will love me forever
they have seen
everything that I have ever been
every tear that I have shed
every great bursting swell of emotion felt
they have seen it all
and still, they love
like nothing else on earth
like nothing else alive
nothing feels as much
nothing sees as much
nothing swallows and heaves and breathes of understanding as much as
the comfort the companion the blanket the lover
of death
and death
will love me
forever

new york
is no longer a song

death, my puppeteer, even in life
remember i, too, must die
even you, even soon, even i

I’m feeling very human, suddenly
A new revelation, I’ve been waiting for it
I feel connected to grass and
Connected to my hands
And I can feel my love even though
I am unloved
It still overflows, in spite of it
I am so alone
I feel so connected
Like I could be part of the wind
Blowing through
Feeling everything
Without touching a thing