anthem; my song
plays, and I will
wind my own turnkey.
I'll dance, shaking
off the rust of shame
and regret;
it won't stop me.

If I'm stuck looking back
at the past, how will I ever
see the present?

heaving breaths and it
feels like gods choking
me again, my vocal cords
are strained, my voice
a squeak. Invisible
tears stain my cheeks,
still dry. I'm imploding
and becoming super-nova
or maybe a black hole
instead. Screaming a
whisper:

H E L P
M E

i don't know how to tell you
between honesty and untruths
is where i lie,
shades of
blue
immodest and uncouth.
i don't know how to express
cherry trees in full bloom
failing this game of
chess
i hope to see you soon
you have so much to say
you never leave me guessing
and for once the next day
didn't feel so depressing

i'm deafened by the
silence; air palpable
and I can hear my
heart beat fast.

Its like I was
back there again.

the feeling of a paused
explosion, breathe in- out.
only the smallest spark; yet
I feel like I've been
electrocuted.

what a beautiful
tragedy
my love for you,
so strong,
it can destroy
my very
core
...
I'm hopeless.

the freedom of
loneliness, breathe
in the silence,
intoxicating.
the feeling of
an empty house,
...
I guess we all want
what we don't have.

the butchers nest
blood on the linoleum
she sharpens her blade
pay her and meats on the
table, just don't think about
where it comes from.

scream up and down
to give me more space
but when the
night comes
cold sets in
...
I just want you to hold me.

I've turned toward the sun

and I've begun to heal, cracks

once oozing now sealing, but

no matter how much I reach up

and how much I grow, the scars

are always with me, and I

will never forget.

sway back and forth
a beautiful array of
emotion dances
side
by side
I feel a menagerie
and my lips feel dry

Not a word spoken,
yet so much was said.

Writing like slapping brushstrokes
on the page, typing with such speed
that the keys click loudly; music
to my ears. I will write like my
life depends on it, because sometimes
it does. Through lows and high, I
will make art, and maybe, just maybe,
one day someone will read them
and understand.

coffee, cigarettes,
and a cloudy day
attitude. You found
me there, not looking
for affection, and yet
I needed you like air
in my lungs.

it bugs me, the way
you walk like you own
the place, standing tall
prideful as a lion, yet
selfish as a thief.

You are all you think about.

can't stop thinking
you, always a damsel
but what happens dear
when no one comes to
save you?
...
Do you have it in you,
that fire, that spark
to be your own hero?

you said you loved me
but this isn't what love
is, love is not a throwaway
gag for you to come and go
as you please, love is not
the pain you caused me, making
me feeling like I'm going crazy;
making me choose.

I don't know if I truly loved you,
but what you gave back was anything
but
love.

you would do well to remember
that I'm not made of stone
thousands of papercuts into
my armor, it splits and I
bleed unto paper.
...
I wish I could bleed out in
your arms, instead.

there's a balance to be

struck, the tightrope

between creativity and

burnout; a match lit from

both ends and I'm burning

alive.


I don't know when to stop.

screaming in a

soundproof room

the feeling of

tiny cuts opening

my scars displayed;

bright red. It's like

I'm unraveling, and

I don't want to stop.



"It feels like relief."