Can take the lesson
but leave the story
repeating the past
just gets boring

here were are
crafting our way
warcraft of worlds
sidesteps and sways

up in the tower
she sits and she waits
processing the aether
developing relations with fates

sorting and analyzing
the meta maiden way
each node of the web
must be elevated to save the day

she putters and moans
when everything hurts
body moves so heavy
energy comes in spurts

just trudging along
holding back tears
ego deathed some time ago
manifested the fears

let them in and through
she read in a book
3rd eye goes too
and takes a look

alone she remains
save for the cat
reality is a farce
and that's a fact

the rage that she holds
empowers the hands
letting tears for
catharsis forming bands

of brothers and sisters
of mistresses and misters

collecting trading cards of people
makes sense to few
but when I get it
lazer eyes - pew pew pew

calling out for support
she knows what she needs
working towards something selfless
means more than food feeds

there was no place
for someone like me
it's so hard
when all you want is to be seen

as a self
with some realness
and maybe to be able to
let go of feeling this

there are easier ways
that we can all be good
I'm surprised that it came to me
as the one who decided she should

I'mma gonna flip the table
the script, write the book,
of the ease in which
mood changes with a look

chasing the where's waldo of emotions
doesn't get you very far
when what you're looking for
is what you already are.

"I've been having issues rubbing a couple sticks together to make a fire"

To which I said,
"Maybe you were never meant to be a fire starter?

...why not try something you enjoy doing instead?"

I think it was a hidden message, that I could never quite understand.

Each time my child-mind was told something, I flipped it instead.

All I can do is think and type, but something was always askew and never quite right.

"Maybe I should've hit you more as a child"
is a really weird way to say thanks, but it's what I get.

'cause here's the rub - it turns out 6 to 1 positive to negative makes brain go whirr happy and we forget to celebrate each minute 'cause we live it and the moment we don't the entire web around us is sad... so thanks for takin' care of the node.

Construction of paths
Is essential to nourish flow
Time to build good streams

Opportunity
Has a lot of syllables
so does syllables

Even the cost of
(the word I used before)
wastes a lot of time

It's like everyone is screaming 'cause they don't wanna seem crazy,
Needing to be heard, yearning in mind - but body's lazy
We think too much, hurt so much, then just get super hazy.
Then wondering why we don't do what we wanna do on the daily.

Show up, clarify your needs, and get your dreams made
You're the only one who can do the work  to get paid
Does the universe have to sound the alarm like an air raid?
Or are you too busy dickin' around tryna get laid?

There's nobody I know that wants to navigate social situations
Emotional labour is one of the heaviest on our patience.
Looking around, we're searching for our next tempations.
Huffing about saying we're deserving of our remunerations.

Some times Ds get degrees - fiddy dat, yo.
And Fs are just a sign that learning comes slow.

All imposters in our out mind
nothing but a soul's bind
searching outside you won't find
what truly appeases the grind

all the expectations from being such a filthy ****** with a design-thinker's mind my whole life. I will never appease the beast inside, but at least I'm submitting for her approval now instead of the run-and-hide.

I think one thing I'm going to have to learn is that if someone doesn't like me... I should just not give that energy anymore.

I keep reaching out to people who don't reach out to me and wonder why I can't help them... why I can't feel like a good friend.

I'm not meant for everyone, and not everyone is meant for me.

Why would I watch while they showcase their pain yet shun me for trying to connect with my understanding.

I'm withdrawing self and advice.

I want to observe more.

Let's see what happens next.

I can't wait to feel more welcome, but that sometimes means that I have to stay in good spaces, to protect my energies, to not keep searching, keep reaching, keep puting vibe where it's not welcome.

That's really, really okay.

The only way to find out where you belong is to see what feels good and put the love back into those that love you.

I keep forgetting it's not the soak but the gush.

It's not the next destination. It's not the things to be done tomorrow. It's the right here, the right now, the what shows up and what makes you proud.

I love my good friends, the ones that show, the ones that know, the ones that can take a good blow.

It's never the critic who stands on the sidelines ripping apart the one in the arena who is already battling fiercely...

The show has always been on, and you're not being watched by me... you're being watched by yourself... good luck to you.

"Hell is meeting the person you could have been at the end of your life...."

I'm trying to live a heavenly life, by appreciating my suffering and being with the little girl that hid in a closet... she always needed a friend. I can be her friend. <3