Details are so important
But we are usually too much in a rush to even care
We only want to look at the big picture
Profit or Loss
Good or Bad
Nice or Mean
Lust or Commitment
It all comes down to two choices
To succeed or to fail
to work things out or abandon it
But no one cares about the details
her favorite flower
His choice of coffee brew
The significance of lemon scented aftershave
what july 25 may mean to someone
sapphire birthstones
white roses
purple balloons
Hershey kisses
The details are endless but usually mean something
Why do we only pay attention to then when the end is near
when words become scarce
Why do we take such comfort in the meaning of things
when the story is over
when a loved one has already departed

So you have been diagnosed as the sad young/old man or woman who has not been acting like his or herself for quite some time now
Your parents are worried
The teachers and collogues know
and peoples.. well they talk
everyone has the same thing to say
you are not acting like yourself
You keep to yourself instead of reaching out
You frown more then you smile
Your daily activities seem never ending and take up way too much time
You cant focus in class or work and find yourself staring into space more then usual
Getting outta bed and out that door is a real struggle
Hobbies do not give you happiness, peace or a sense of purpose anymore it all just sits there
You've stopped picking up the phone and answer texts only when necessary
Alone time seems more appealing then family time, bonding or date night
You've traded your expensive branded clothing and shoes for socks and sweats

All this is perfectly normal, it has happened to every one on earth
sometimes just once and never again
Sometimes every year because of life, loss, death, rejection, criticism, and no direction
for some this is it every single day for reasons they cannot understand or fully grasp
This is the new normal for many so don't beat yourself up wondering what it means to act like a normal 13 yr old, married woman, widower, divorcee, etc
don't listen and try to follow every single podcast, blog, channel and person coming your way telling you what to do with yourself and how you should live life
They all want what is best for you but we cant please everyone at the end of the day
Change takes time
healing is process that cannot be rushed
but trust that every thing will work itself out
You will smile again
even if it is a small one
both on the inside and the outside

Maybe he is just running late
Its way past 12
The candles still burn bright
The food is not yet cold
The wine is crisp
I am here alone dressed to ****
But a party one is no fun

He promised He wouldn’t be late tonight
Its so quiet in here that I can hear myself think
My thoughts are really uncomfortable too
He knew this was important

I had some things to tell him
Now before its too late and I really change my mind
I probably wont I can’t deceive him
Not again

Time is running out
I am living on borrowed time
I am ready to leave
I have made my peace
Did practically everything on my bucket list
Kissed my relatives and wrote my parents letters
Graduated, worked to make a difference
Loved and Lost
But Now I have to leave

I hope he comes home soon
I want to see him, talk to him one last time
Before these eyes close

I cannot sympathize with you
I used to respect you
you've torn that into shreds over the years
I still care
I do what I can even if it doesn't feel like much on some days
I am doing what I can to be normal when all I feel is dysfunctional
What do you feel
I cannot say
I cannot read you like my favorite song anymore
You stare at me but what do you see
You've become mute to the language of tears
My anger and frustration
It bubbles up, it simmers down and you think that's all there is to me
You have become indifferent to my pain
It stays tucked away in my chest and refuses to leave my eyes
You shrug
you stare at the sky
you sigh
"If you cant accept me for me then leave"
Instead of working this out you've put up your hands up in the air
It is easy to pack up and leave
its convenient for you
But I wonder if you have felt anything towards me before this day
Was it all for show?
Was anything genuine between us?
I will never know

He is not dead
Don't kid yourself
No one dies over a person or a relationship
But the newspapers says that he has made a name for himself
His contribution to mankind can be found in every household
It can be used to cause damage or in times of celebration
Hes made millions
Lives in one of best pieces estate available around here
Drives the very best his money can by
Eat breakfast by the river
lunches on top of mountains
and dines up in the sky
Hes met a lovey young woman too
Not yet thirty but loves people, books and animals
Stands tall at 5'4 and makes his head swoon
No, he did not come to in me dream
We did not meet in a coffee shop on a balmy afternoon either
He found me out through letters, postcards and learning out my pet name
the same pet name he had for me
Time flew but it was still there
Not exactly strong like a spark,
it was a less vibrant but can still be felt miles away
through walls and glass screens
With each text and every ding of an incoming email
The anticipation, anxiety and general concern was there
the butterflies are asleep
We still talk but I don know what to think of it
I cannot say if he is genuinely happy under all the money, fame, glory and ***
He still has the same endearing face that I have always loved
not a grey hair in sight
He has changed though
he thinks before he talks
not the other way around
he writes too
such fine lines
Such prose
But I would be a fool to fall in love again
We only blanketed ourselves with the past
but we don't have the present or the future
I am happy for him
from the bottom of weary and faded soul
I will continue to tread ahead
but this..
this was nice

You know on my here I practiced all that I was going to say to you tonight

But now that I am actually here I forgot everything that I am suppose to say

I love you
but you would hear it differently this time

I am sorry
but you would think that I am lying and that I have not learnt my lessons, I have learnt them many times over

Forgive me
You wouldn't because it sounds really hollow
But If you did then how much have you actually forgotten?

Leave Me
You want to, but your still standing still

So many to ask
But I do not know where to begin
So I will start with the end
“Why did you leave”