She was A storm swept dark moon.
Many watched and envied her suitors.
Imagined her in many ways.
But if you closed your eyes and listened.
All you could hear was a caged bird singing.
Trapped in her own confines.

Crashing sensations, tumbled and disjointed, hitting every nerve as they fall.
Burning hot yet cold and empty, all in one breath.
The sensation of being wrapped and trapped, primed to explode, not knowing what will trigger it or will you implode.
Memories play on your minds replay screen, then the future scenarios revealed.
Swim till you stop and simply go under or swing from the branch where the dog walkers find you.
The need to run to a place you can hide, but still love lingers and your soul cries.
All that betrays you and all you have left is a childs smiling face three days a week, or a video call.

Without her anchor
Would you stay here at all?
So tired you feel sick but no longer can sleep, your thoughts makes you angry no solace to see.
Be gone now and leave me never look back, for I died long ago somewhere inside.
Stood at a funeral and jealous of him.
I don't know where Jon went but I know where he'd been.

She may not be here now, or you there.
She may have passed before you, so you couldn't tell her.
She may be frail and no longer know you, and the words you say seem lost.
She may be alone as you went before her, but you're always in her thoughts.
But know in your heart how she loved you so much and brought you into this world.
For nine months she carried what you have now become you are her best work.
Then she wrapped you, named you and held you, so close in her loving arms.
So today tell her you love her wherever you both may be.
It's sometimes easy to forget, she's the reason that you are here!

You see it was never about the dance.
That went on all around me no matter if I slept or was wide awake. Their busy life, their needs and expectations whilst yours simply ebbs away, forgotten.
Some days it was like swimming through a sea of souls all touching yours trying not to sink themsleves. Each one screaming for a different reason.
Then as the day ended I had reached the shore, now alone. Yet drowned in their needs, their fears. I was lost.
Some pick up others emotions without knowing. Their problems like sap from a tree. Sticky and eventually trapping like amber the very soul that was there to help, taking their life slowly.
So we build walls out of fear and protection to preserve what is left.
We arm ourselves with the fully  automatic "NO!" and "I Can't". Emotionally lethal from almost any angle. But not love proof. Shooting down any careing or passion of any kind. But for those tricky situations where the wall is breached or they find a window and see the you inside, you hid and camouflaged with confidence and bravado, there is the bomb.
The it's not you it's me bomb. Once deployed you implode and the outer shell sends a blast wave purging the emotional landscape. Anyone who dared to approach now simply a shadow to you.