Time travel love
I would just like to say how much I love you.
Have an amazing Yule/Christmas.
To the most amazing, beautiful and incredible woman in the world.

So
One day I hope someone will look back at this and read it and know it was for them alone, even though they didn't yet know

Even though they were not known
Never met
Never kissed
Never touched their finger tips

Had never laughed like lovers do
Never knew the others view

They spent today all alone
They never called them on the phone

They went to bed and fell asleep
Their ying and yang didn't meet


So is this all about me and for another I may never meet
Or it could be for you and others
Who never met their time travel lovers

So share it!
Tweet it
Instagram or shout
Let the world know you're about

What do you have to do?
I've writen the hard part down for you.
A lonely Farts production

Posted for my mad buddy who I swear has peed reading it. If you think it doesn't fit here. Don't read it I guess.

Cindersfellas

When Cinderella lost her shoe, the Prince did all that he could do!
Night and day he gave his all to re unite it with her smelly sole
So many that he tried it upon, yet none could hold the slipper on.
To fat to thin or athlete's foot and what a stink he had to sniff up

But as he thought his quest was fraught, a delicate foot he came upon
Pedicured and delicate, all his foot ferishes desired!
Like fingers into a silken glove, her tootsies slid into its glass a perfect fit he's found his wife

All ended well her sisters thrashed and cinders got the Princes heart
She also got the princes cash, his castle horses cars and thrones, all the maid had dreamed upon.
That as Disney is same in life, when you marry a gold digging *****

But.. Cinders is simply just a tale to make kids think that lifes a rainbow
With unicorns an Bambis too with multi coloured marshmallow poos

It ain't that or nothing near, because there ain't no Prince or footwear here!
Often a fool who does there part to show their love to another's heart
Yet used and abused and taken for granted, often hit and always shouting

Ringin bells? And not in church? You're a victim of the Disney curse!!
You ain't Snow white more like the prisoner, locked inside a nightmare before Christmas
No glass slippers no carriage either, all they sold you is wedding fever!!

So be your own Princess or Prince or knave or whatever else you think
Your life, your choice your one and only
Don't waste it with unworthy causes.

For in the end you're a long time dead
Don't let them **** you inside as well
Your heart beats and it beats for you
Sometimes in time with another's too

So there you have it, all that is
No glass slipper no magical dream
But if you think the one for you
is out there in lifes foggy world
You may be right and find them there
I hope it's all that you deserve

But remember now just these things.
Cinders never got a ring !
Maybe Shrek was not a Prince
But Fiona didn't get beaten up

Never fall in love with an equestrian girl
Because she always dreaming of something between her thighs and it aint you!

Never love a woman with more than 2 cats, because she's already half way to the asylum and you don't want that!

Never buy a car, one owner, from new from a woman who can't show you where the oil goes too.

Never argue with a woman. You think you're discussing, she thinks shes telling you and you won't win that.

Never go to bed angry. You don't need to. Because she will always remind you first thing you wake in any case.

Never date an old friend. Because she will remember everything even if you don't

Never fall for a foreigner in a far away land. Because you're just an option
One of many they have

Netflix tonight!
The man of the house said
She said "Lets watch a chick flick"
  But he wasn't having that.

"Let's watch Brando it's a classic"
was his next idea,
Last Tango in Paris!
Have you never seen it my dear?

They sat together watching with smart price popcorn and cheap wine
Then came the scene where the old boy grabbed the butter and suddenly it was all in the gutter

Engrosed and engorged or a mix of the two, he shouted get some butter,
"I'll try that with you"

It looked fun at first till she got to his fridge
She opend the door and no butter could she see.
Smart price lard was all that was there, this wasn't Chester oh what a mess

We have none she said in a voice of relief
And headed for bed without a buttered rear seat

Half an hour later then came the shock
The cook came to bed with dripping on his ****
Naked and ****** and wanting a bunk
She fled the bedroom before he could mount

In a nighty like a wigwam caught in the breeze and her funbags unbridled
Down to her knees

She screamed to the neighbours he's trying to **** me with a lard coverd **** and an oversize belly

The police came quick, just like he did
They couldn't stop laughing at his melted dipstick
Take him away the Sgt said
That's the last Tango in Noctorum
He'll have with her!!

My eyes closed
The day began to play back
In monochromatic, no colour, no pause
Overlapping days and the drama replayed
Accusations in anothers battle
A fight I have no place in

The smell of a womans freshly washed hair
When a woman leans back knowing you are there
The scent of perfume on her neck
When she has dressed to go out but has dressed only for you
When she cries and smiles at the same time
Hugs you and melts into you
When you watch her sleep and pray to a god you don't believe in that she wakes tomorrow
When she touches you in a crowd as though you are the only two people in the universe
When all you imagine all day is comimg home to them as much as they do you
Feeling bad because you said something you didn't mean because you both had a bad day
Wishing you were somewhere else
All these little things

Valentine's day for a feminist?
Is it really taking the pish?
She's far too busy burning her bra to bother opening her cards.
Send her flowers, if you dare and hope they aren't Nigerian
Fields of blooms tended to, by oppressed enslaved women you stupid fool.
Chocolates is another risky venture because she's environmently friendly!
She likes orangutans more than you and palm oil harvests just not good.
So think before you send her flowers, you could end up disembodied or at best like Morrisey
and not daffodils shoved where the sun ain't been.
Chocolates are far to risky and cards could lead to fists of furry.
As for **** underwear or things that buzz that are just for her?
Send her them if you dare and god forbid don't ask her to wear them.
She will tie you up with pantyhose ram the tickler up your nose
The handcuffs may become of use, to keep you still as she gets her shovel!
So on the 14th don't take a risk
Say **** all and just play safe
Just smile and don't go anywhere near
Where other fools once tried and paid dear
For under her patio there is still space, that puts a smile on the feminists face.

If I disappear after this you know where to look