Life
As a child of God
Will never be easy
Or simple

There
Will be dark nights when
It seems that the sun
Will never shine again

There
Will be hours of
Bitter weeping where
You wonder

If
You could ever
Make it out alive
And intact

Clouds
Will close in and
Lightning will strike and
Rain will fall

Pain
Like an arrow
Will shoot hard and fast
Into your chest

You
Will wonder if
God was ever at
Your side

But
When the clouds pass
And at long last the
Rain drips away

Then
A brighter morn
Will spread it's wings
Against the stormy sky

And
Gently push the
Shivering rain
Away

And
The rainbow of
God's greatest promise
Will fall again

It
Is then, dearest angel
That you will forget
It was ever night

Warmth
Like the arms of
A great beloved
Will enfold you

Gates
Of pearl will open
To greet you
Survivor

And
Daring knight
Of the prince
Bidding you enter

And oh
How your heart
Will leap into
Forgetfulness

Of
All the darkness
And the shrowd
Of older days

And
Run into the arms
Of a Savior
Who would never
Leave you helpless

Growing a crush
Involves squishing, crunching
The heart
To hold back giant feelings

Falling in love
Is crashing face first into the pavement
Off the cliff of a mountain
Hoping someone catches the fall

“I love you,” you say,
But I hear,
“I’m just lusting after you.”
“I need you,” you say,
But I hear,
“I'm just keeping you around
Until someone else better comes.”
“You're beautiful,” you say,
But I hear,
“You're fake, you're nothing
Underneath all that makeup.”
“You're talented,” you say.
But I hear,
“I'm just trying to humor you
And make you feel better about yourself.”
No matter what you say,
Or how you say it,
I refuse to believe that I mean
Something to somebody.
I've been hurt too many times,
Been told I'm ugly,
Stupid,
Crazy,
Depressed.
All life has told me is that I'm
Worthless,
And I will never deserve anyone.
I'm sorry.
I'm just never enough.

Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!
Big, Biggest Love,
        Jeff Gaines

Your soft skin is pale and transparent
A no longer beating heart is portruding as if it was so to say: let me finish this.
There wasn’t a chance to finish, you left undone
Your skin still so translucent and clear
Your blue lips sealed as if they were to say: Please be gentle.
You shot yourself in the chest so that your face will remain beautiful
And yes – you’re beautiful as you’re lying there on a cold metal table
Soon scissors and knives will rip open your abdomen and examine what you left behind
Maybe your liver will tell them the stories of how we met at a bar and how you loved drinking too much wine
Maybe your lungs will reveal that – sometimes, when you were mad at me – you smoked cigarettes
Maybe your mouth will speak about that one time we kissed at the cinema for the whole film
Maybe they will forcefully open your eyes to see if you’re still watching
I hope that when they sew you up again, they’ll leave a tiny crack in your chest for your soul to leave
Let it fly out the window and watch sunsets with me

Yesterday I had someone clean your room
The police came and took some things with them
They took your suicide note with them, for the file they say
You’re a file now
They asked about the ****** blanket
And I told them you wrapped yourself into it so that your ****** torso wont make a mess
Which is kind of funny because the mess really just started when they took the blanket and left me there, alone, in an empty room.