In the old French barracks, shelvings of cots
No ventilation – that was for officers
The night was hot, wet; sleep was difficult
No one knew anyone or anything

A siren. Life paused. Should we do something?
We barefooted outside in our skivvies
Hot. Silent. Still. Stuffy. Respirations
Is this a false alarm? Is it over now?

BLAM!
                                
Boom. BOOM! Boom-boom-boom-boom. BOOM!

And during a pause

a small voice said, “I don’t think they want us here.”

Compulsive in the mirror
my sickening love affair,
the secret pact
crush and go
a 5k through my vessels
drag me out
skin stretched over
bones most conspicuous
up all night
and morning slips in
so quietly,
I don't even notice.

Roll me up and
breathe me in,
again and again
heart fluttering
listening through the hush
of a world I no longer inhabit
living amongst the stars
unless I'm crashing down.
How I wish I didn't
look back on you fondly,
but it's all I've ever wanted
until it's everything I don't.