Shadows dancing on the wall
Who will be the first to fall
They dance, they laugh as they draw nearer
I hear their voices ever clearer

"It's your fault" one of them calls
"Always yours" the other drawls
I try to fight and to resist
But the shadows still persist

I'd like to hate them
Stop the mayhem
Yet deep inside
I know they're right

I pushed him away, with that his love
Now I'm screaming to the skies above
No one listens, to my assault
The shadows whisper "it's your fault"

Drowning in indecision
Battling the dark thoughts
There will be a collision
While my heart slowly rots

He loves me, even said so
I almost stopped breathing
And that beautiful, warm glow
Suddenly turned freezing

That sudden, neck breaking speed
Making me want to hide and cover
Oh how I crave it, yet I want to plead
Slow down please, this isn't clever

Do I love him, or the illusion of love
I don't find him attractive
Maybe I need a hard, strong shove
But I'm way too reactive

I should tell him, end it soon
To save myself and not lead him on
I pray to Artemis, to the moon
That this pain will soon be gone

Longing for more, for something better
Acceptance is good, but love is the goal
I'm fat and funny, so what does it matter
If inside I slowly tear at my soul

Turns out he likes me, that he'd care
I nervously agree, giving it a chance
But affection to me, is so very rare
And I can't handle the anxious dance

Can't imagine kissing him
Even holding hands
Maybe my thoughts are too grim
And I should make some plans

But I'm a big fat hypocrite
While I should be grateful
I don't find him attractive
And inside I am hateful

I love our talks, about little things
You're an amazing friend
And it tugs at my heartstrings
The way I see our end

They say I should have butterflies
That we look good together
But inside of me a part dies
As I can't find a tether

Your affection bright and burning
Like the glow of evening fire
But instead of a warm feeling
I'm aflame upon a pyre

Your nicknames and texts
So sweet, full of care
But in my darkest depths
I despise every flare

I want love, yet it feels wrong
Boy run, before I break your heart
Questioning it all along
I'd tear both of us apart

I am broken, I am scarred
Run boy, run for the hills
I am damaged, forever marred
Run, while the bird still trills

Is it truly love
Or am I just desperate
Oh gods above
Give me some respite

Starved of affection
Searching for the signs
Hoping for connection
But it's just land mines

When I get the chance
A boy that cares for me
I'm afraid of romance
And I want to flee

Anxiousness and mood swings
A boy that could love me
But the darkness to me clings
And I'm so tired of me

Destined to make his heart break
Forever lonely, a venomous snake

Numbness overtaking my senses
Tears forgotten, drying on my cheek
I am bare of my defences
Simply hollow, cold and weak

Wounds that never fully heal
Hidden behind empty smiles
Truth I shall never reveal
While I suffer through my trials

Forced to hide
Longing to share
How much I've lied
How much I bear

Now you know
Just you and I
I try to float
And not die

I try to fly
I try to float
But the sky... too high
And I can't find a boat

Breathing ragged, lungs burning
Palms sweaty, slipping, slipping
Eyes clouded with tears
I'm faced with my fears

The face in the mirror
Pale with pure horror
Hands gripping the sink
I can barely think

The calling of a blade–
Will it ever fade ?
I try to fight it, try–try–try
Yet the blade screams, die–die–die

Such a strong temptation
A path to damnation
I grip the sink tighter
My knuckles turning whiter

The blade keeps mocking
With its sardonic laughing
I sink to my knees
And whisper–please

Bone tired of fighting
Of always trying
I succumb to the gore
And hate myself even more