Outside I am smiling but inside I am dying
To the world I am a girl with no flaws
But my soul is covered with scars from claws
The mask on my face is a perfect disguise
I have been telling the world nothing but lies

Time doesn't heal.
And the wound knows it.
Layers gather on the ****
but the damage remains,
hiding itself deep inside
the secret scar

I want nothing more than to breakdown
in someone's arms
Fall apart and be put back together
the way that people do

All it needs is a small admission
A few simple words in relative silence
Pushing air up from diaphragm
to throat, out through contorted
tongue and lips

I feel how easy it would be to open my
mouth and let the words
escape in a rush
Teetering on the edge, mouth opening and closing
I am too afraid and too uncertain and
the filter in my throat is clogged from
years of repression

Just one teeny tiny confession

You can drink one bottle of *****
just by yourself.
You can get so drunk
that you don't remember your own name
but you will never forget their voice
and the way it felt
when you were laying in their arms.
You will forget everything
but the person you love.
You will forget everything
but the person you lost.

"In 21 days you will not cry anymore" they said.
Still I feel like a knife is inside of me and I can't escape.
My first broken heart,
"the most painful but the most helful" they exclamed.
My first broken heart, and I'm feeling like the world is going to end.
My first broken heart, why he did that to me?
My first broken heart, did he really loved me?
My first broken heart, I can't stop dreaming about him.
My first broken heart, please don't leave me.
My first broken heart, I don't want you in my dreams. It hurts me
My first broken heart, I'm drowning on my own tears.
My first broken heart, I can't even sleep now.
My first broken heart, I swear I love you, I'm sorry that you hurt me.
My first broken heart, I hate you, but I love you and I hate myself now.
My first broken heart, She was my friend.
My first broken heart, maybe this pills helps me sleep.
My first broken heart, where is my ****?
My first broken heart, my blood is turning into alcohol.
My first broken heart, he's not the boy I thought he were.
My first broken heart:
"Mama he's a good guy, he really is, but I don't know why he did that to me"  I said.
"If he did that to you then he wasn't good. Deceptions are so painful, baby girl. I swear you're gonna find someone good. Someone who only loves you" She hugged me till I cry into my sleep.