“i think i hate everyone here,”
i texted.
and it was true.
in the crowded room
with people laughing too loud,
i wasn’t, though.
i felt small.
not lonely exactly,
just misplaced.

but if you were here,
i think i’d scoot my chair real close
in the way that says,
“thank god you get it,”
we’d make fun of everyone else
without even saying a word,
just one look
and i’d feel understood.
i would laugh,
and make you laugh too.

maybe i don’t hate everyone.
maybe i just miss you
in places
that don’t feel like mine
without you.

for once,
no one talked over me.
the air felt light.
we kept meeting eyes
across the noise.
not awkward,
just right.

i called you
when texting felt too heavy,
too many words stuck inside.

you picked up.

i tried to hide the tears,
soft breaths breaking through,
hoping you wouldn’t hear
the weight in my voice.

and still, you stayed.

purple was always mine.
marker stains on busy hands,
birthday balloons, beaded bracelets,
the crayon worn down first.

i said it was my favorite
without knowing why,
just that it made my heart full,
even when nothing else did.

then one day,
it showed up in your eyes.

not the color,
but the feeling.

the way you speak softly
when i’m unraveling.
the way you remember
what i forget to say out loud.

maybe that’s why i loved purple first.
so i’d know what to do with you.

so i wouldn’t be scared
of something that beautiful.

know,
everything i write is for you.
it’s always been for you.
even when i made you pinky promise
not to look at my profile,
because i was scared you’d know
just how much
i’ve been in love with you.

you entered my life january 7th, 2024,
but i had known you before.
eighth grade me, seventh grade you,
playing in the jazz band.
you were so ******* quiet,
but somehow i knew
i wanted to know you.

we met again my sophomore year,
your freshman year.
things were different.
at marching band,
i prayed they’d pair us as partners.
i didn’t know why.
i didn’t know you.
but i knew i wanted to.

so when you added me on snap
january 7th,
i added you back.
you sent a picture of a piano.
i asked,
“do you play?”

i didn’t know
those words would change my life.

from then on,
i was yours,
whether you knew it or not.

we’ve had bumps in the road.
i’ve broken your heart.
but with every message,
every word,
you change my life.
you make it better.
you guide me through the darkness.

thank you.

i can’t hold your hand,
but i’m holding the thought of you,
hoping it’s enough
to steady you
through the ache.

i used to think love was fire,
bright, consuming,
burning everything it touched.

but with you,
it felt more like daylight,
quiet and golden,
something that warmed
without asking for anything back.

you had those soft gold eyes,
like morning sun
on a window,
and i wanted to be that light,
the kind you reach for,
the kind that stays.

i was sunshine, once.
i know that.
the kind that made you squint
but smile anyway.
but maybe even sunshine
can overstay its welcome,
leave behind a burn
you never meant to carry.

and now i wonder
if i’m just a sunburn memory,
the kind that lingers
long after the warmth is gone.