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Here's the limit
Stopping short such careless ease
It reaches in and grips and I
just hope that I don't leave
it all exposed, the brick & mortar
to the humidifying heat
I know to take it out on you is petty,
childish, and mean
And I am so mature, I'm quiet
as the words begin to freeze
The screaming, small injustices
that bitterness loves to keep
Tonight in bed, a mantra
Is the devil on repeat
Running laps inside my head
Until I can finally sleep
Then tomorrow I'll forgive you
My walls crumbling like leaves
A day of autumn in the summer
For another day of peace
My neurodivergent mind is overwhelmed with pressure, struggling under the weight of the sea.
Yet, amidst the chaos, God reaches down to pull me from the depths and set my spirit free.

-Rhia Clay
 5d Malcolm
lizie
when i was little, my dad told me
“fortune favors the bold,”
but i thought, for the longest time,
he was saying
“fortune favors the bowl,”
and honestly?
that made more sense to me.
because i’ve never been bold,
but i’ve always been empty.

i learned the right phrase eventually,
but i didn’t do anything with it.
it sat there,
just another thing i wasn’t brave enough to believe in.

i let things happen.
i kept quiet when i should’ve screamed.
i stayed when i should’ve left.
i left when i should’ve stayed.
i waited for signs that never came.

now i hear that phrase and it feels like a joke,
like a door that only opens for people who push it hard enough.
and maybe i could’ve been one of them,
if i wasn’t so scared of being too much,
or not enough.

fortune favors the bold.
and i’ve never been bold.
a crow throws out notes
trying to find the lyrics
in the falling leaves

the sun is now tipping
to that side of the sky
and winter pulls it stitches tighter

we break
all the beautiful things
always leaving
more questions
than answers
All seems different,
like a blurry landscape
with vanishing maps.
The distance from the past
keeps growing.
I slice through space and time,
on the chosen path,
along a trajectory of circumstances.
Against the denial of access,
against the gate closing,
just to hold together what was apart.
If only I owned the Moon
I could charge the Poets

But I do not own the Moon
And must view Her Face,
Imagine Her Dark

With You
Light,
The light from above has bestowed upon me the urge to dance, despite it all, all, all. A spark has spread a little fire—the music never stopped, despite it all.  

Affection,
Facing slowly—affection all over the floor. Summer has not started yet, but there is heat, devotion, warmth in absence. I nod to the sun. I turn towards the dappled, bronzed skin of mine.

Jazz,
There is something ferocious living inside this four-cornered apartment, where the absence of childhood has taken half my life—but there are flowers, flowers in my head. Slowly dancing in the whiskers of the afternoon—velvety, yes, velvety notes striking the rhythm of my body. Swaying, swaying, almost lost in the murmur of the piano—the saxophone aggravates the thrill in my bones. I look up at the ceiling; colors start to swirl even more. Strings spill like liquid—smooth and endless, more and more. Conversing here and there, I am alive again.  

“Turn your face towards the sun,” they say. I dreamed of my childhood, and the heat of the sun felt like slow jazz in the afternoon.
I wrote this for 10 minutes because jazz made me feel alive today.

jazz is for ordinary people - berlioz
you made me miss the train in my dream: my fault for staring so long
i walked home alone that day, in the rain
singing some stupid tune to myself

did you think of me?
sitting there in contemplation, aside those ever-clear windows
did you look for me?
like i look for you in the morning commute and math before recess and anywhere everywhere in that sprawling liar we call memory

i know you didn't
but truly, it's fine
you will someday
when i muster up my courage and take that big leap

yes, w.

i would leap in front of a train if it meant you looked at me for just one second

or at least i would in the dream

but really, i'm so scared
scared of your acknowledgement, scared of your indifference
scared of your love, scared of your hatred
most of all scared that i might die without you ever having cared

so i wait and ponder and rot away
and course toward that cruel fate i so dread
such is reality

but not my fantasy:

w., i hope i get hit by a train in your dream
an old 'love letter'. but that train has already departed
 7d Malcolm
Laura
This home is not our dwelling place.
We are all just a passing through.
Come snow,rain or sunshine.
It is ours to weather through.
So let us be courageous.
Standing,tall and strong.
As we weather through them all.
Knowing we are not alone.
Stand Tall.
Stand Strong.
Be courageous.
Live in victory.
And never let go.
w
simple things are all it takes
to tie my heart in knots of devotion
for i'm a simple girl
with simple wants:

to feel loved
no
to feel loveable
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