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 Sep 2015 Madonna Suchak
Wanderer
Twisted sheets, mind on stutter
Unable to sort through this midnight clutter
Put it away for tomorrow
But what to do with my gnawing sorrow?
I circle soft blue on color book pages
Hoping the repetition eventually assuages
The raw edged reality of lonely dark hours
Filling the void with Crayola flowers
 Sep 2015 Madonna Suchak
Gun Boy
Would your eyes fill with tears as you heard the news that I was dead.
Would you fall to the ground and wonder why you didn't see it coming?
Would you come to my funeral wearing my favourite colours?
Would you remember me as a good friend?
Would you think about me?
Would you wonder what was the last thing that pushed me over the edge?
Would you miss me?
When all the words have been sung in songs
When all good has been tainted by wrongs
When all those you fall for are all dating
When they are too proud to feel a thing
When you love them more instead of hating
When  every pick up line's in songs they sing
When all you've known about loving is pain
When you lost each time you played the game
When every fall wrecks you again and again
When in every conclusion you carry the blame
When every poem you wish to write is already on paper
When every sacrifice you make is easily forgotten
When the venoms of betrayal hot as paper
Is all you got each chance of loving you've gotten

When she's never kissed you albeit its long overdue
When nothing changes or everything to the dogs
When she's seldom seen like the morning dew
When she's got only flakes of affection and you logs
When nothing makes sense from the way you're treated
When she shines like the stars but leaves you in darkness
When you kept advancing when you should have retreated
Because she stole the courage from you and she's your weakness
When touching her lights you up deep inside
When the closest you get to her's to feel her breath
When It's all crystal clear It's time to decide
When the option of walking away hurts as death
When all is but a wish for you and her to hold hands
And yet you won't speak about it for nobody ****** understands
I give you my way past midnight tears,
My likes and loves, my hopes and fears.

I give you my wildest moans and screams,
and most surreal hopeful dreams.

I give you more than my supply
of smiles to share and drops to cry.

I give you all there is to me:
The flaws and not flaws that you see.

I give you my tortured, broken mind,
perhaps 'twas pretty at first find.

I give you my weaknesses and strengths,
and the loves I swear of unending lengths.

I give you my joys as well as my sorrows,
the reasons why I hope of better tomorrows.

I give you and just you more than what I am.
Should I lose my mind I would not give a ****.

I give you the things that might make me perfect,
and also the mean things my devils reflect.

I give you my brightness and darkness as well,
and all I can give you, more than I can tell.

I give you your needs so that you would stay
and simply be with me each and every day.

I give you my body, my soul, my love,
hoping I'm something you won't dispose of.

I give you my life, freedom, and heart;
and all things I can't say in this way of art.

I give you my past, my present, my future.
Everything for you, my dear paramour.

I give you all it will take to convince,
that you are my love, my master, my prince.

I give you what I hope will be enough,
though I fall apart when times get rough.

I give you everything, my sun and stars:
The old and the new of my heart's battle scars.
This was written 8/20/2015. Minor revisions upon posting. I struggled, because I read the stanzas from bottom to top and I could not decide whether which way was better. I'm just going to stick close to how it was written as an emotional wasteland on my bedroom floor.
I want you but you didn't want me
Sometimes you  just have to accept things
that aren't going to happen
the way you wanted to be.

That's why acceptance is a hard choice sometimes
And you just have to let it be ...
It may have never been enough,
It may have been in pieces,
****, It may even have been the worst you've ever gotten..
But I gave you the best parts of me.
I gave you all of what's left of me.
 Sep 2015 Madonna Suchak
Kai Kai
Am I the only idiot
Who's still holding onto the past
Memories
Feeling
Love
For someone who had already left?
You end my day with the rise of the moon
How I have always thought of you
You sing such sweet melodies that hold me in the dark
Lighting up my solar plexus with an instant spark
Melting everything else around me,
Because in that moment it no longer matters
It all shatters, and I become plastered with emotion
What a magnanimously calming ocean
You give the opportunity to set myself free
To let go of all the things that never have served me
I remember, and I feel it like bliss
I can now understand what you mean by a kiss
Mouth to mouth vibration in the pit of my soul
It had been so long since I last felt this whole
So sing me to sleep in your starry night sky
My moon, my dream, my sweetest lullaby
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