Every moment is a choice—
and I chose you.
Not once,
but over and over,
in silent seconds
and loud, unraveling days.

I chose to love you
when love wasn’t easy.
When your edges were sharp,
when your silence felt like distance—
I stayed.
Where others might have walked away,
I dug in deeper.
I held on tighter.
I believed.

I chose to see the good
even when the bad tried to steal the light.
I chose to forgive,
to understand,
to wait.
To believe that what we had
was worth choosing again.

And I would still choose you—
in another life,
on another street,
with all the same cracks
and all the same flaws.

But you didn’t choose me.
Not when it mattered.
Not when staying meant fighting.
You chose to go
when I chose to hold on.
You chose duty,
and I understand that.
But still—
it wasn’t me.

And maybe that’s the difference:
I saw love as a promise.
You saw it as a place to leave
when life got heavy.

I find you
in the empty side of the bed,
where your warmth once lingered
long after the mornings faded.

You’re in the songs
that shuffle too perfectly,
whispering our yesterdays
through static and melody.

In chipped mugs,
in street names,
in the scent of rain on pavement—
you linger,
a shadow stitched into
my every ordinary thing.

I sweep, I sort, I breathe—
and still,
I gather pieces of us
like glass I can’t throw away.
Too beautiful,
too broken,
too much a part of me.

Some nights,
it feels like I’m running out of air—
sinking slowly into the kind of quiet
that wraps around your chest
and doesn’t let go.

I reach for you in the stillness,
my hand stretching toward
a presence that isn’t there.
The space beside me answers
with nothing but still air.

The days are gentler.
They offer distractions—
tasks to complete, people to smile for,
moments that keep the ache at bay.

But the nights?
They are heavy.
They close in like water,
and every thought grows louder,
shouting in the silence.

Memories rise like waves.
And I can’t stop myself
from wondering—
do you ever lie awake,
missing me too?

You said you needed distance, to step away,
But the world saw something else.
Our faces disappeared from your feed—
No trace of the smiles we once wore.
The photo on your phone, once us,
Now a blank space.

I told myself it was practical, logical—
But the ache did not listen.
It felt like a declaration, a silent broadcast:
“I am no longer taken.”

And yet, I am still tethered—
Bound to a past you are so quick to untangle.
You said it wasn’t about me,
But the absence screamed louder than words.

Did you think fading from view would ease the weight?
Did you believe I wouldn’t feel it?
But I did. I do.
You erased us in pixels and frames,
While I held on, clutching the empty space.

And still, I wonder—
Was it easier for you that way?

I’m sorry for the times I silenced my voice,
Swallowing words to keep the peace.
For dimming my light to soften the shadows,
And calling it compromise.

I’m sorry for doubting my worth,
For the moments I let self-blame consume me.
For believing I wasn’t enough,
And letting pain define who I was.

I’m sorry for hiding parts of me,
Thinking they were too much to share.
For shrinking,
Thinking smallness would keep me safe.

I’m sorry for believing love meant endurance,
That devotion was measured in sacrifice.
For holding myself to an unyielding fire,
Just to prove I could stand the heat.

But today, I see it now—
Strength is not the absence of breaking.
It’s the courage to gather the pieces
And build something whole.

Today, I apologize to the mirror.
Not for the tears I shed,
But for the years I spent believing
I was too much or never enough.

Today, I give myself permission
To stand tall,
To embrace the parts of me I tried to hide.
I forgive myself.
And in that forgiveness,
I find the freedom to begin.

Today, I choose to love myself
Without apology.

Sometimes I want to hate you—
for breaking our family.
No, we didn’t have children,
but we had Skye.
And in my heart,
we were our own little world.

Sometimes I want to hate you—
for the heartbreak that lingers,
for tossing me aside
like I was nothing,
like we were nothing.
But I can’t.

No matter how hard I try—
to hate you,
to dull the ache—
I can’t.
Because I love you.

And I know your reasons
weren’t about us.
You thought you had to push me away
to do what you believed was right.

But I hate that you couldn’t lean on me,
that you carried it all alone.
You took on burdens
that weren’t yours to bear,
and still—
I admire you for it.

I hate that you put us on hold.
I hate how you’re slowly erasing me.
The days are bearable,
but the nights?
The nights are endless.

I wake up expecting to find you,
to see a message saying you miss me.
But I don’t.
And I hate that
it’s always me reaching out first.

I hate that you chose for us,
without trying to find another way.
I hate that I still feel you
in the empty spaces.
I hate that I pray—
every single day—
for you to come back,
to say you were wrong.

I hate this fragile hope that won’t die,
the belief that somehow
we’ll be better—
that love will make us stronger.

But most of all,
I hate that I’m alone in this hope.
I hate the masks I wear,
the smiles that lie to the world.
I hate how much I miss you.

I hate that I don’t know
how to be near you
without wanting to hug you,
kiss you,
hold your hand.

I hate that I fear so much—
the thought of you
being gone for good.

And I hate
that no matter how much I wish I didn’t—
I still love you.

The cold has a memory —
it lingers in the corners of empty rooms,
settles into the spaces you once filled.

No matter how many layers I wear,
it finds a way to my skin,
a whisper of what used to be warmth.

The windows rattle,
the floor sighs under footsteps that aren’t yours,
and I tell myself it’s just the season.

But the truth is,
it’s not the winter that chills me —
it’s the memory of you.