in the serene countryside,
he found himself on a cliff
caught in chains of blood
pushed to the edge by his father will
who wished he never existed

too depressed to scream it out
even the nature can't help him out
alive but hushed into a confinement
only to live scared of  new dawn

in a room full of crowds
i'd still find silence
loneliness has burned into my body
that if it burns, it'll burn me alive
i can't afford to smile, that's how it built me
reeling and crying slowly became a favorite activity

this dark room, a bottomless pit,
a place in my mind but in motion of free falling
witness to my pain and anxiety I bore,
a feast for the beast that rules in its whole

“you should try hard”, they proposed,
without being aware of the beast the cage holds
nights are haunted by the ghosts of loss
one way of getting out- but life is that cost.

shipwrecked and i found myself
on an deserted island
not a place to call home
i made a raft to conclude this journey
to reach at your shore
“is it a good idea”, i asked myself

i’m floating alone on sea
seagulls carrying my letters
but couldn’t reach because of storm
storm coming from your side
storm that you sent
send me back to that island

i’m lost in the woods
with no one to guide me though
i had two options
but chose the one that led to you
a choice that i regret,
a reason why i can’t get you out of my head
still on this endless journey to your shore

standing on altar
they said “greatest lovers united”
bejeweled in ‘shiny stones’
later to be thrown back
at me in courtroom

my obscured vision of love
i’m stripped off your ‘lover’ title
how did we get here? My love
from singing together at our wedding
to you playing at my funeral

trying to put back the bricks
that you once threw at me?

realization struck you
when I’m gone
your efforts will go waste
but dear you succeeded in saving your face
your tears of regret won’t dry any sooner
my love wasn’t an illusion
you will share my tears
but I wish you well
and someone who will share those tears

betwixt the chaos and happiness
i'm feeling something
in the tranquil nature of wind,
in the tranquil sounds of birds
in the tranquil calmness of the pond
i see a reflection of mine
and hope for the eternal peace
to put out the fire
to challenge the eldritch figure
who has destroyed my home

i've been vexed by my haunting dreams
i've been vexed by the actions i take
each step i take feels like dying
each breathe feels like perishing
each thought feels like confined
time to quell this nearer or beyond the horizon
clouds of uncertainty surrounds this question
all i know is a place in my mind
where tranquility takes over my soul

how should i define?
define the idea of you?
my nerves are pranking me
to believe,
“it will be same as someone before you”
for once
i want to dream, i want to believe,
“your love will be grand as seas”
i leave this letter at your door
with a painting of you from my mind
you will never absquatulate me
your beaming smile will forever hide my crimes
the crime i define as- “loving a liar”
that unforgivable sin will bury in the past
and my idea of you will forever last

the old tale says,
“when the world turns upside down
the savior returns with a new dawn”

the battles that you once lost
will bury in the past
to be re-written as win
the pain that you once bore
will shed this time from your skin
and the love that once died
will bloom this time in a grand return
but I’m here waiting for it at the door

hold the rope tight, never let go of a safe hand
the journey ahead is far too brutal to make sense
what once seemed fated, shall shatter one's hopes
the idea of love was born from a poet's thought

lover's rose from the ashes to finish their lovelorn stories
heart wrapped in barbed wire yet still beating-
for the one who will break my heart
uncover new truths in each arc

stars had aligned, my savior finally arrived
visions of you clung to my eyes,
months of anticipation and stolen stares
i still haven’t figured out your must-be-lovely name

walking under that purple flowers tree
on the mattress nature laid for us to be
with full of flowers and butterflies flying by
it is the fate’s will to be, to make you mine

invisible strings and the touch of your hand
sparked something in me that floods my eyes
the wind in my world always flows towards you
a sign of arrival, of beacon i imagined

ere this day, my world covered in gray clouds
but now finally turned purple-pink,
the golden daylight pierced through the haze
for once i'll let this sin feeling bloom, that was born in the dark

i could feel your touch even though you are miles away
lost in the thoughts of you and suddenly it’s 4 in the morning
“cigarettes smoke and my black jacket hold,
holds your aroma and our clothes on the floor”
hysterical of me to be this close
i opened my eyes and it’s 12 on the clock
it was a dream, a reverie never to be disclosed
of who it is about but one reader will know for sure

the night sky never looked pretty again,
the stars began to look as if they're staring at me,
while i cursed myself and let the tears rain

that haunting silence of midnight still pulls at my nerves,
a feeling i just can't shake off
years have passed but i'm still stuck in the same paradox

we used to look at the stars
and define our future,
but mine holds darkness- like a void in space

our stars were never meant to align
they distanced themselves,
as far as there is just silence between them

am i worthy to be one of your poems?
i see that you call yourself a poet now?
with difference being we no longer write back to each other

regrets, heartbreaks and the hearts that you broke
you paint those lines with the weight you bore
did your heart ever ache on my thought?

unhealthy this obsession of mine
that asks you to use me at your will,
the room is glowing red and-
can hide your imprints on my neck

unhealthy this obsession of mine
to be burned by your touch,
your cigarette against my skin
and its smoke filling up my lungs

unhealthy this obsession of mine
to be deserted and left in ruins
your teeth biting into my skin
not everyone can see love through pain

All that you'll leave behind for me are your memories
The legacy of a story that was ill-fated from the beginning
You have somebody else, but my heart still screams your name in silence
Who will I think of when I’m being feasted upon by my ghosts?
Your memories will soon join them—and eat me alive.
I don’t want to be in love again, where the one I love will **** me

(James)
bid farewell to this town but
search for closure brought me back again
i thought you would wait
was love a joke to you?
"how could you move on?", i asks myself
my sighs louder than the wolves howl at night
seventeen is just a age, i regrets my mistakes
you were my essence, soundtrack to my life
now i see you dancing with him at the ball
the lament in me for our lost love never faded
i always believed you would come back to me

(Betty)
the train didn't stopped and reached oblivion
your ambivalent decision led to our demise
throwing back words at me
saying there were no signs
while i carried the weight
and you had your perfect summer love
an absentee, a cicada your whole life,
now at thirty, you ask me
"how could you? how could you move on?"
i gave you chances after chances
while i was dying from the inside
the pain your betrayal brought me
memories still haunts me at night
i tried talking to darkness
but she felt bored hearing
my missing and crying
after you absquatulated me

I saw the signs,
but I was in denial
I comforted myself, saying,
"You would never do that,"
as I continued to address my ghosts
But the weight was too much to carry

I saw you disappear at the horizon,
like the stars slowly fading into daylight

I knew I wasn’t right for you,
but all I wanted was simple affection
My heart is too fragile
and continues to face heartbreak
in the adversity of time

I promised myself I would not, I shall not, write about you
But it is my pen that never stopped missing you

looking from my window
down the street
the children's playing cricket
& women's doing shopping
the loud screams of vendors
the loud noises of vehicles
i sit in my room
and watch it all happen
only to remember...
i was like those children's
my mother was like those women's
time pulled its ***** tricks
leaving me to count days alone
and taking my mother with him
far beyond the horizon
where my hands feel short
leaving me with memories
sown in my head
like a cloth woven from wool

clouds cried in pain
and turned purple-pink
ataraxia is on the rise
the savior has arrived
to turn the blood moon
back to gray

was it all an illusion, a dream?
i opened my eyes
they are nowhere to be found
certainly a beautiful place to visit
to take away my pain
even if its just in a dream

i drew out my glittery pens
and turned them into swords
ready for the war
against their words and my thoughts

i pen down my feelings
in stories and prose
my ink like cannonballs
aimed at their high forts

not every pen can be turned into sword
not every sword can save you in the war
sometimes wish to be free from living is high
whether its eclipsed or blood moon night.

my firm belief in your words
that i believed it to be true
you played your games
but hid your troops
“i love you”, is what you said
but it lacked the feeling of you
memories i woven on a tangle thread
but you burnt it down with me and you

ashes from your fire reached my crown
and our ill fated love reached oblivion
i tried, you tried and we both screamed at the sky
now that you’re gone, my cries cannot reach to your sky
my friends seek pleasure in my pain
my lover died before the age
my eyes cried in longing of you
searching closure but pain is here to stay

three years of hell
three years of pain
three years of desertion
three years of lying to myself
“that someday your ship will arrive
on my shore now covered in weeds”

you set out on the seas
to look for your stolen peace
your memories growing over me
prisoner to who I have become
my eyes are starting to feel blurry
death is creeping upon me

the pages of my diary hold the memories-
memories of you being cold and warm,
memories of that mysterious smirk,
and the day you deserted me

i unfurled the white flag
and surrendered on my knees
you started this war
and kept on stabbing me

this war is our love affair
illicit from the moment it began
yet, i believed in you and 'this love'
still questioning, whether i regret you or not

my dead silent heart
and covered in magoa
longing for something beautiful
that can lethe my pain
and set me free

a savior is all I seek
who can cast the right spell
who can revive a soul dead
who can fulfill promises
who can stop the rain red

in search of closure,
I kneel on the ground
and pray to the god of sky
and ask him to take back gray
give me my blue sky
In search of solace,
I met a lot of travelers
With stories of unrequited love and
Hope for love in their eyes

The drought ended after 50 days
For to be back at my door in 5 days
A friendship built on love bond
The bond broke, I’ve nowhere to run
I turned into a ghost, never slept through the night
Cried all day long, a never ending torture
Without getting sight with tears in my eyes

Who is to blame here when we both stopped picking up calls?
Is it because the lines that connected us have rusted?
Or is it because we both outgrew each other?

My love for you never ran out, even when I was drowning.
You just stopped sending invitations,
and I stopped writing to you.

Our love was as pure as the kisses you burned into my body,
your name engraved within the depths of my heart.
But we ran out of luck and lost it all

standing on a cliff, waving at the ship
drought hit eyes, a sorrow ending
happiness in goodbye, never destined
lessons learned, pages turned
a new chapter waiting for his return
five steps back and five steps forward
amorous story and remergence

As far as my eyes can see,
As far as the light can reach,
I cannot see a glimpse of you
But only in dreams and memories

Your smile lights up my world—
Imagine the power you hold over me
Even after you're gone, you still shine my skies

With time, we have grown apart,
Even cunning fate can't bring us closer
Still, I'm always waiting for you at my shores
The question is, will you set out to sea again?

high rising waves crashing on my tomb
the tomb of stone i built on my grave
a sailor on a sea on a ship with no sail
i carved my story on stones with my nails

in a well where my savior’s hands feel shorter
escaping this town is only way move forward
sun never rises in my forever cold world
peace is something you will long for in my world

so
i’ll try
i’ll fight
i’ll love
and
i’ll die

I’m just a side character in my own story
The heart of someone I know beats for someone else
I’m watching it all unfold from the sidelines
I knew the risk I was taking, I keep telling my heart—
But the weight of my tears feels too heavy to carry
So I let them rain again for you tonight
You have beautifully haunted my life
I thought I was finally going to make you mine

my face in the ground
and a collar across my neck
i tried to stand up, little by little
but i fell on my knees again

from crying on the thought of you
to struggling for breathe over and over
my face buried in the cold sand
i can't recall your dreamy face

it still happens now and then
but i tell my heart to stop crying
and mind to hatch some plans
you were never mine in the first place

even while writing,
my body cold and pale
my tragedy is i can't recall your face
but my idea of you will never fade

our inimical truths
our baleful words
have torn us apart
i stood for myself
you stood for yourself
i gave you signs
you gave me signs
but fate had other plans
now dark heart is all we have
with all its chambers full of detest
if I come to your door
you won’t open
if you come to my door
i won’t open
so we lost our love
to the hands of our fears
never to come back
never to be same

pain that still exists in my lips and veins
blood was thick but lighter than my weight
your mornings, my nights
my mornings, your nights
heaven arrived at my door
when you moved by the lake

now under the same daylight
now under the same moonlight
sunflowers I planted point to your place
heaven told me,
“it was fated in the first place”

i wandered through the woods in my head
i drifted on an ocean made of my tears
always in search to find way out of gray haze
and so he painted my sky pink
when he stood by my grave

like scene in an old cinema
they expect me to let down my guard
to let my fort infiltrate by their soldiers
and execute me like a witch on the holy ground
and if i found someone to count stars with
then i'm to be crushed by your stones?

if i stand up for my belief
if i stand up against a liar
if i stand up against a cheater
if i seek explanation from him
to clear the gray haze that he brought upon me
they imposed the title of "mad woman" upon me

colors are a merry mirage
i speak words true in this hearing before you
sky color is not permanent
leaves color is not permanent
your pink painted sky turned gray again
and leaves green lost their color in fall

in your void
i hear voices
that guide me to places
an escape from my messes

“lift up your gun son
and run to the battleground
seize their cannons
and come back to the town”

enemies on the shore
is back to **** you once more
the death you escaped before
is back mi amore

so the voices said,
“fight like a hero
roar like a hero
die like a hero
or come back like a hero”

you asked me, “how you’re doing?”
while pointing your gun on my head
when you could’ve brought some flowers
and said the same thing “you never felt like that”
i still would’ve forgiven you thinking,
you are still a kid figuring your feelings out
but you’re still in utter disbelief of my love
that crossed seas for you my love

now let me tell you how i am doing
tell you, “what your desertion brought me?”
summer went by without ‘summer love’
and fall full of depression
my eyes rained blood
and fog covered my whole world
with no place to call home

adrenaline rush through his veins
beat like a drum races on a highway
shadow dissolved in dark corner of his room
his thoughts has consumed his refuge

lost in the battle against his own fate
lying on the ground, wounded but can’t say
his cry for help never goes out of tower
held captive in cell of his brain

beautiful, on the face of mine
when you will make a plea,
in an language only we speak
you hint me to meet by the lake

you walk through the woods
with an lantern in one hand
to jumping into my arms
when we meet at the lake

bats flying across the dead sky
and haunted mansion that whispers our song
may we be the vampires tonight
who stray without any care

darkness that once I befriended
is pulling its strings and laid down it’s plans
the tales I recited following the shadows
of his and her, my and their life
are being used as a canon
to shatter decomposed walls
who plead me to say “yes”

with every single breeze,
with every single breathe,
i refuse to kneel before defeat
in my cold barren land,
every season feels colder
but I’m looking at horizon
waiting for that summer
to let the dear readers know
“i’m trying not to dissolve in the darkness,
that eternal excruciating peace”

he is always mad at his own child
for the stones that come his way
but his child will forever be grateful
for what he has done for him

he is always mad at his own child
the one he raised under his roof
to make him into a man, only to
crush him under his own trauma

now grown into an adult
he wishes to run away to a place
where land stretches upwards into hills and peaks
and there are valleys to jump into

shattered your heart
something I never really dreamt of
deepen your scars
something I never really meant to happen
i wanted you to smile
and just look at me
but when you needed me
i burnt down your city
you never even smile
yet you never even became angrier
lack of emotions on your face
i still ponder, “how you feel?”

keep beating the drums of my heart that signals your arrival
a little glance from those eyes sends shivers in my body
my mind is now a slave for you, not the kind left in bruise
the sudden urge to touch your face and say i fancy you

how close we would have to become for it to happen?
i would have to declare my love, like a nightingale's song
taking me back in the same boat, of being denied or yes
how cruel our situation is, i lack confidence to tell you

went to the well to fetch some water
to water the plants and to drink some water
but fell in endless well with no bottom
he went to the well to fetch some water

the hope of his dreams is way bigger
the fruition period slipped before the reaches
fell in the well, a never ending torture
close his yes? will the nightmare be over?

the demons are the rulers,
the demons are the winners
who will pull him down
gravity- a force stronger

a golden daylight that you are
pierced through my grayest of the dark
calmed the waves carrying the storm-
that were wrecking my heart

in the darkest of my hours,
when night bleed memories
the thought of you feels like
an emergency aid in the war

a calmest of the people i know
with little to no smile on face
yet you feast upon my demons
and set me free from my chains

our long lost love in depths of time
our story like a folk tale
started with a kiss and ended in a torturous goodbye
will passed down in time
to be recited for generations
was never too pure and dark

in my wistoragic periphery,
i saw you come and leaving
i wonder,
what if our mondegreen conversations
never led us to different places?
what if you would've been the one?
the one i would dance with
the one i would host parties with
the one i would sing my songs to
the greatest love of all time in our own movie?

in a never ending dark room
i stand before your memories
the echoes of your laugh
the echoes of your jokes
fill up your void in this room
our mondegreen conversations
led us where I stand
talking to your memories
and tears full of regret

Death does not comes to me
Even when I pray for it
I’m coward
My body freezed and hands paralysed
In the inside,
My life is torturous and tormenting
On the outside,
I believe there exist a better place for me
I’m stuck between life and death, my view blurry
My soul dead, head full of death wishes
Is it called living?

hold this hand that longs for your touch
it is you that i want, is it too much?
make a melody using the drums that you beat,
for us to dance under lightning-met-night in secrecy

i want you to bleed my lips
and heal them with a perfect kiss
as a reminder for me to keep living
and then mark me with your bliss

149 poems later, one can still trace you in my poems
I wrote you carefully in metaphors and words that scream
In the anagram that holds your lovely name

149 poems later I’m still stuck in this hedge maze life
I try to cut my wrist and let my tears speak the unspoken
I’ll try to cut the ones who surround me and be a new version

149 poems later, my feelings remain unspoken
For the most part, they’ll forever haunt my existence
Even if I bleed them out on paper

149 poems later, I wish to be left alone
i'm afraid to walk into the future
I'm taking my leave here, soon I'll be 20

his wings were chopped at an early age
he was just learning to stand up and live his life
the cricket grounds are still lively without him
but his ghost still lingers around watching everyone

what could've been, what he would've been
they all haunt him in middle of the night
what he has become now is the result of ignorance-
someone whose heart was bleeding but ignored each dawn