sacrificed on the name of joke
became laughing stock of the group
my friends reflection in the mirror
appears rather dull than bright

rust entered in the open wounds
scars that cover my whole body
friend is a word to use with care
growing ivy does not make them rose

lying on a pillow you used the other night
the night we spent under the moonlight
only few stars in the sky but you looked so bright
my demons and ghost got so fright
a solace in that moment but pain is what i feel now
your memories tells me to smile but
there’s a big side to the eyes i can’t see now
now begins another race to survive

loudest was the music from her parties
loudest was her audacity
to come in a town
and challenge the town’s rules
stole neighbor’s dog
and sent a clear message

her degraded reputation
and unnoticed kindness
got her a tag of mad woman
never scared of bringing change
Now a role model
For women in her age

he is not cut out to live with all of this-
to live while bearing the scars
countless of spears in his chest
yet still breathing
blood all over the floor, returned defeated
every time he went on the war
with a hope that someday a savior will arrive
bearing a sign of peace and not bruises from a father

winter knocked at my door
before it could bloom
staring into an abyss
i long for the days old good

deserted like embers from burning firewood
love took a huge rebound
still waiting for it to return
return in the best shade of blue

i saw the gray entering my periphery
the fog  covered my sense of insecurity
thought- the lost is for someone who are “us”
but my story didn’t even began

Even if you ask me, 'how are you?"
I'll say I'm fine, keeping the mask on.
Either I'm scared to tell you,
Or I don't want you to know this pain.

I'm better off without a savior,
At least this disease won't reach you.
You'll be safe, and smile,
Because this heart is under immense gravity.

It'll rip you apart into pieces,
And set me into flames.
You're far better than knowing the truth,
Because this darkness is beyond your control

memories blending with the melodies
melodies i hear that bleed memories
memories that are covered in gray
melodies make me relive the pain
wind up in the circle with nowhere to escape
nostalgia is a sin to commit, melodies are my bane
memories holds a grip on me, don't associate song with your pain
cadence is a song that nature hums
after goodbyes, never meant to happen
live or die, the world moves on
i'm too weary to play this tortured game

You can't see the chains
I'm bound to be doomed.
My feelings, my pain are taking a toll on me,
Keeping me down with a chain around my neck.

I'm sometimes ashamed of what I have become,
"too cruel on yourself", they say, but I know.
Is it supposed to be this hard to grieve?
Grieve the loss of life, dreams, and wishes?

The invisible chains, a devil named "hope," tied me to.
Isn't kind or lovely, and certainly not a gentleman;
It shows its fangs after showing a ray of light.
I can't afford to smile, I'm afraid it'll burn me alive

they say, "you're acting all lost",
and i say, "i know!"

every flower field i pass by
turns to gray, and their leaves fall down
the flowers appear as if they're not watered,
everything i touch becomes sick

their colors start to fade away,
my loneliness is making it hard
to see the world without an obscured view
i'm always sorry for my behavior,

i try to love it here,
but the truth is, i don't wan't to stay

yesterday august knocked at my door
today he is once again here
and asked me if I’m fine
with every week, month, year passing
the time continues to count days dear
since you sail on your ship to seek peace
leaving a part of you engraved in me behind

stole my peace,
pushed me into the storm
who once was oxygen
is now a poison pushing me to grave
never ever before my eyes punctured at night
never ever before i thought of goodbye
i knew the risk i was taking
i knew how it would end
yet i chose to love you for your words
i still do, i fear

in my periphery
you arrived at my door
with your guns and cannons
i wondered why the uproar?
marched into my house with full force
and aimed your cannons at my door
to destroy my peace and drag me to the sea
the celosia in my garden still flourishing in the war
been through your drought, my undying love
i hate you to your face
but I love you behind your back
my friends called it a “a toxic affair meant to be crushed
either by fate or by your lover’s hand”

mark your territory with those cherry lips
make me your altar, a sacred place to worship
mark me yours in places no else been
so bite me, kiss me and love me

i'll be your sitter, as you sculpt a figure of me
naked and alone, for your eyes to feast upon me
too much ecstasy will fill up our red glowing room
as you devour and left me in ruins

looking into your seraph eyes
ferris wheel had put us high
being lifted up in the air
but with you it felt safe and divine
lights from the ground reaching the sky
we had the world below our feet
with no one to tell who to love
we held each other close before the fell

mesmerized by the look in your eyes
i wanted to whisper a secret
exhilaration hit us soft and sweet
so the fall felt haunting and divine
put away desertion in that moment
the moment of beauty in your charm
we both screamed at top of our lungs
and shared our secrets before the rise

Your actions speaks louder than words
Your desertion of me this whole summer
Brought me to end of my life
You said you love me but hid her on the side
Traitor and betrayer lack the feeling
To describe your actions
While I was struggling for breathing
Darkness of night became my new friend
Slept alone, telling her our folk tale
I painted in my head
Like an old cardigan one refuses to wear
I carried the weight with spear in my chest dear
I let the porch light turned on
But you showed at my party with another spear

There is a monster that accompanies him,
In halls, streets, college, it never leaves his side.
Better than the lovers and friends,
But its company brings demise.

He carries the baggage of his own thoughts,
Death always stays by his side.
Made her his closest friend,
Just one wish away for this to end.

The dark passenger is his name,
Death is the ruler in his kingdom.
It breaks or brings any curse,
Negative thoughts prey upon him

in a corner of my mind
the shattered me sits in utter silence
unable to carry and fly with wind’s pace
the weight on my chest drags me down to same place

even the pills can’t help me calm down
the screams get louder with harrowing memories
the daggers in my chest are hard to remove
every task i face, a mountain hard to move

Sorry will only pierce another spear in your heart
Forgiveness is all I seek to drown again in your eyes
17, yet torn apart by this lover affair
Wish your friend’s words were her another lie
Slept by her side, never lost your sight
Rusted your summer, visited you in dreams
I feared of him taking you away
I took the wrong step
That led me where I stand
At your porch
At your party
Seeking for forgiveness
Waiting for you
To curse out your anger
Or kiss me again

in my boat with a knife
floating on a silent, blue sea
what a serene beauty
bewitched by the cursed one
my boat is drowning
the moment's grace to draw the knife

climbing up high to touch the clouds
gray mountains are challenging me
my leg slipped, i'm falling down
the moment's grace to draw the knife

for me blue is a shade of gray
happiness is an illusion
always ending up in the same old cage
where death keeps a hold on my thoughts
an inner turmoil that is never at peace
poetry i write,
from every dying fragment of me

i am a sad amorist
who seeks to understand the love songs of the bird
the stories, the notes they sing that are open
but less understood at the same time
a deluge of emotions that leaks a stream from my eyes

i am a sad amorist
who seeks to look for the storm in the silence of a river
the tranquility that seems to exist but not at heart                                                           
obliviousness of the age, my dreams torn apart

death accompanied her and me
but i was the one brought back from the sleep
only to sit discomposed in utter silence
stream leaked from my eyes,
like river from a cold glacier
hundreds of wolves eyes,
staring at mine
the leak is old but strong
i cry now and then
as flood of memories
sweeps into my head

there’s a ghost in my glitter filled room
that reminds me of you
and says, “you are my only muse”

night is the hour of peace
but once the clock strikes at midnight
the ghost comes out to take me to hell

loving you was never a crime
but when i’m trying to move on
your memories still lingering around this time

in a dream
one full moon ago
i met a gardener
who lifted my curse
he took all my memories
and planted them as seeds
he then asked, “which to get rid of?”
i took a deep breathe
my hands started to shake
and heart beating like crazy
then i replied,
“stories i painted with my blood as ink”
“ash from their  stick to my skin”
after that,
all my memories grew out as different flowers
each with different, different meanings
he pulled out those memories
“who were ******* my blood and
burning my skin”
then i heard my sister’s yelling
and opened my eyes
only to realize
it was just another dream
that will never come true

drops full of anger, guilt and betrayal pouring down
from my eyes like rain in a sleepless night
soaked in blood and it’s stains on my gray shirt
two daggers stabbed at the same spot
their existence in my words and work
but for them I’m just a mirage,
a pseudo reflection of life in a dead desert
a hand to pull them out of it, a toy to be pushed into it
a ecosystem flourishing in peace but burnt down by fire one night
my quill, my papers untouched for a time,
lived in an illusion, a lie, that unforgivable sin

please don't be in love with someone else
you heart is no one's but mine
but who am i to tell you this?
when you're not really mine

i wish on every shinning star for you to come
i wish for a day when you will see for who i am
i already saw you, you have pain stuck under your skin
so i will help you bury it in mine

three summers ago
you appeared out of the mist
showed me love in gray
yet failed to shower color pink

three summers ago
you told me, “I love you”
but deserted me in the end
like I was your another bait

three summers ago
you expressed your affections
i never knew the feeling
now left me behind to feel those feelings

three summers ago
you caged me like a parrot
and I believed it was love
only to find it was heaven at first and hell in the end

dear readers,
don’t get caught in the traps laid
on the name of “heavenly love”
you are worth more than
those promises fake
scars that will hurt

the twin flame you ignited
and the stares that burned the air
came out fiercely and declared,
'you're in love,'
only to later pierce my heart,
leaving me with wounds that bleed
until i'm in ashes

your gentle eyes cried a little times
your lips so sweet but red in pain
your face so blue but hides the color gray
the sadness no one knows about you

i'll tell you something holding your hand
you have a admirer who cares about you
the cannons that are aimed at your fort
will submerge in the sea before they hit you

i hope to see you shine, i don’t want to say goodbye
now that you’re close to my heart, i see you for who you are
i watched you sleep with your lips close to mine
the innocence on your face hides a painful past behind that beaming smile
will keep these feeling buried till i’m alive and for you i’ll die 2 years in advance
so my love can last forever and my memories will decay in grave with time

Some days, I want to be left alone,
while on others, I want someone to hold my hand.
Either I walk out of the woods alone,
or I need a light to guide me through this pain.

My ghosts feed upon my thoughts,
even when I assure myself I'll be just fine.
My sighs never forget their true self,
and my heart continues to beat like a drum.

In a pitch-dark room, I sit, broken and unaware.
The future seems too harsh to live in,
and my present doesn't even care.
Either way, I long for the light that can save me.

your ghosts keep you awake at night
you hate the nights but are forced to be a nyctophile
night is supposed to be an hour of peace
but something burned rises from the ashes

goodbye came as if it’s always by your side
your eyes rained turning red in pain
but like a warrior, you keep that mask
hiding the painful truth behind that smile

you see yourself as a grown-up version
always trying to bring daylight into the dark
but what can you do in daylight with daylight
when in both hours, demons rule your mind

you carry a dagger stabbed in your heart
but suppress the tears full of guilt and pain
You’re a child of the moon
Light your own world for once

why would you stare into my eyes?
it’ll keep a hold on me
while you’ll leave me behind
unrequited this story will be
just like in the past I couldn’t be-
“someone’s muse but they were mine”
my face will turn gray again
and this feeling will die in a million times

in the woods
dances a devil named hope
that is out to get you
it holds a power, so divine
it can set your life in flames
or grow daisies on your grave

do not step on the same steps
do not walk on the safe grounds
it will as you to take risk
give you poison or love potion
to see what it makes of you

If I were asked where I want to be,
I'd say I hate this place and life,
Where the choices I made are my bane,
And they shatter me, so I live with this pain.

When I look at the pink sky,
All I can feel is sadness.
Emptiness within me feeds on my body,
Slowly turning me into a zombie.

I hate the way I live; my ideal version is too delicate.

The ineffable beauty of this planet no longer surprises me.
Numbness consumes my space;
I do not wish to be rescued and hope there's no place for me to stay.

Oh! Behemoth tyrant set her free

From the cage of her plight she’s trapped in,

Fields of coal cannot end the hunger

And rivers of oil cannot quench the parched,

Seas full of the perished and soil lacking air

lungs smoking gun and ash from fire,

he, who must pay the price for the greed

and the crime will bring his demise,

one shall not questions its power

its force will submerge you under water

Staring at the sky, pink-blue
That just cried its eyes out, dark-maroon
Emptiness from the inside, don’t know what to do
Close my eyes or hide inside my room
I cry in veil
As the man cut my wings
The defeat led to my feet
His actions, his words
Still haunts my existence
Should I stay or die?

i’m still at the same place
sitting by the same old lamp
where we penned
a tale, a poem, a song for the ages
while listening to same old music

in void of your voice
and the letters you used to fly
from your place
i’m wishing on every star
for a force to come by and tell me
is it over now or is it an illusion?

my mind is my graveyard
a death place of my happiness
that keeps stabbing daggers
by bringing back memories

i looked up your name
not once, twice or thrice
but thousands of time with my each cry
i see you’re doing good
by locking me in a cage
and throwing away in the sea with the key
leaving me to drown and die

to be someone’s muse- a feeling unknown!
an honor so grand but beyond my hope,
the vastness of the sea before my eyes
its secrets can’t be hold in a rhyme,
midnight’s darkness- a friend before
now a foe, never haunted me before
a rose by other name can be “forget-me-not”
sorrows, sorrows and prayers always knock at my door,
cemetery is the home for the spirits
cemetery is the home for the memories,
i long for the “good old days”
when summer never left me alone,
now in my winter’s barren land
a glittery hope is what i pray for!

there is no end or trace of this pain
no knowing how it began or when it will end?
it just started, only god knows when,
i kept on ignoring the signs

was it when i was deserted?
or was it when i lost the one i cherished?
there is no end to these tears,
pouring down, blurring my eyes,
like rain on a foggy night

or did it start when hope became evil?
was it when i gave up on my dream?
this pain is here to stay,
to haunt my existence and be my bane

the chains that hold on to me
i kept ‘hold on to the memories’
now screaming looking at the sky
beacon tell me will I survive?

the chains of the past
and the pain stuck under my skin
the blood moon is on the rise
and something buried will come out at night

in chains of blood
in chains of memories
i try to survive
but haunting midnights comes after

Fate played its dirtiest tricks on me,
Made me believe "our" and "us" would mean something,
Only for everything to end in the cruelest way possible
I'm still picking up my broken pieces

I had faith in myself, at least
I decided to follow the path my heart paved
I was mocked by destiny
And was finally brought down from the clouds

"Why can't we exist?" I screamed at the night sky
A lot of big challenges awaited with their schemes
I only thought about my love in that moment,
Unaware of the storm that would take away my dreams

your name on my lips
once tasted like beautiful poetry
your name on my lips
now tastes like cigarettes
echoes of your laughter,
echoes of your screams—
they tell me to smile,
they tell me to cry
something that started under moonlight
ended beneath dark clouds

darkness dark the dark storm
my solace disappeared in that storm
one, two, three, I counted days and nights
lavish emotions, I cannot afford to feel
cactus grew out instead of rose
rush of emotions, I never felt before

my thousand white tulips, turned to a thousand red rose
clouds cleared and baby blue sky
in aeon, I felt at ease in that storm,
i fought my fear and my ghosts

fleeting memory of you
one fateful encounter
you are my muse
a solace in that moment
standing across the road
our roads will never cross
you see I’m a “sad amorist”
i will always say, “our stars will never align”
i will paint my knuckles red
for a glimpse of you
but scared of the thought
you belong to someone else
i’ll leave a letter at your door
my idea of you will never fade
my ink for you will never run dry
it’s a letter that i will never fly

cold barren land
plants have died out in the fog
long winter days with no warmth of sun
dreams i planted have died out in the cold
2 years of hell for this and that
for to fall behind him and her
gave my blood, sweat and tears
for to be back at the beginning

lost all my hope
lost all my faith
i reached my heights
i reached my patience
a ray of hope, a ray of sun
brought the warmth lost for years 2
“my dreams”- a product of my work and efforts
but a grand victory awaits ahead

Dear readers,
i now recite a tale, a poem,

aviothic wishes, made from the glass
to hang in the hall, where peoples dance
if i rephrase it, i'm a mirroball
i carry the weight of my emotions and thoughts

the moon dancing around blue earth,
a mirroball in the space
shinning bright till the eclipse hit it
i'm fine till the mirroball breaks

i know i'm in pain but i'll still smile
shine like a star that never turns dark
you know,
the star has a work to do,
because down there somebody is looking for
something to look at
to calm their inner storm & be at rest

Is it all in my head?
Or does everyone think of me the same way?
When I stand before a mirror, I want to smile,
But even the mirror forces me to cry.
“you are a failure who couldn’t achieve his dream”—
It screams at my face, telling the truth.

These days, I look miserable and in despair,
So my friend told me, “The mirror is a liar.”
But how can it be a lie, I asked myself,
When I see my face turning gray in the mirror?
A mirror shows our reflection,
And even my mind knows this simple truth.

fire raining down from the sky
and my planet turned to hell
with no sign of life but only cries
of his, her and their memories at midnight

strange streams leaking from my eyes
i wonder, “will i even survive?”
poetry i write from every dying
pieces of memories and fragments of my life

at the cemetery of dreams
buried but not achieved
their dead soul rises at night
to haunt my existence
and remind those good memories

something i added on the fabric
something i penned on the paper
remain unforgettable
and I find myself reeling and mourning
days turned to nights
and nights turned to days
with no sign of goodbye

in denial
but pacing while room is on fire
motion capture fail to paint his emotions
"I'm fine"- a product of his illusion

litany of reasons but pain stuck under his skin
too afraid to pen about, too afraid to scream it out
demons are his rulers, will demons be the winners?
help! he is drowning he can't put out this fire

my sighs were getting too loud
and their echoes haunting the halls,
i was struggling to breathe
and tears rolling down my face,
it is you who stepped in like
how moon shines bright after eclipse,
kissed my tears off like a desert
and leaving after a passionate remark