I've been missing you all this time, and I can't see an end to
all this loneliness. It hurts to watch you love someone else.
While I still think about all the moments that used to be mine.
I can't keep the ache silent, not while I'm thinking about you
after coffee or right before I sleep. We threw caution to the wind,
went there when all our friends said not to. Maybe this is
Karma for not turning the other way. But I was so lonely,
and your smile made me forget all the words I wanted to say.

F*ck you,
Cancer,

for taking away
the possibility

of the mother
I will never

ever get to
have now.

-7/13/2022.

My best friend asked me, "Why do you love him so much when
all he does is break your heart? Why do you push everyone else
away, just in hopes that he might stay?" And I didn't know
what to say; how could I when I don't know why I let you
destroy me. There are nights when I lie awake, staring at
the ceiling, wondering if you are even thinking about me. Wasted
nights on you. There are days when I look at my phone three,
four, ten times, hoping I have a message from you. Wasted
days on you. There are moments when I try to think of all
the good memories, the memories that justify why you're so
handsome and why you have my heart. But there are none
that don't end in arguing or you walking away. It's been
forever, and I can't seem to let you go.