Everything
Is
Pain
Yet the only thing that helps
Is more pain

I think I'm done fighting it
I need to bleed

me and my mum
drive alone at night
to go buy nail polish
at the chemist.

she talks and sings
at our red cars
20 year old
built in radio.

i look into my visor mirror
at my eyebags
and listen to her voice
as it fills our silence;
with little input.

as they come and go
the streetlights outside
our misty windows
blur together
into vivid neon icing.

i ask her
as we drive
if we have
crinkle cut salt and vinegar chips
in the pantry at home.

she says she we do;
but she bought thins instead,
‘cause they were
the ones on sale.

I don't need meds or hospitals
Therapy or lectures
I just need a hug

Not a
"Don't be mad at me
Hug it out"
Kind of hug

But a
"You're safe now
It's okay"
Embrace

I'm done being alone

How can it be "all in my head" when I think everyone is mad at me
But real when I'm questioning if my trauma actually happened

One day I hope to be healed enough to truly believe that people are capable of loving me

It doesn't matter
How deep the water is if
You're drowning in it

One day
I will finally climb that mountain
I will hyjack a car

One day
When the e cops will ask me if I'm okay as I walk in the side of the road
I'll say
"Oh I'm great"
And it wouldn't even be a lie
Because I would know
What was to come
In only a matter of days

One day
I'll walk and walk
Until my legs don't work
And I'll keep going
On my knees

One day
I'll reach that small town
In small America
And I won't even mind the MAGA's
Because you'll be there

One day
You'll say
"I wish I could hug you right now"
And I'll climb in your room from the window
And give you the biggest one
The world has ever seen

One day
I'll be able to hold your hand
And we can walk on earth together
And eat all the jolly ranchers you'll spare
But I'll let you have all the watermelon ones

One day
I won't have to ask
"Still down?"
Because I'll be there
To see it myself

One day
You won't be 26 days away
But right there
In front of me

One day
I promise
And that'll be almost as magical
As you