you were the spark
a candle lit
from both ends
beautiful yet
so fragile
there was a part
of me that wanted to
reach out to you,
body ablaze
but I took my hand
back and let you
burn alive.

I thought your eyes were warm like
the sun, but it was a pleasant lie;
you took all the heat and kindness of those
around you, pretended it was yours
until there was nothing left but bitter cold
and a line of broken hearts.

black orbs of onyx
but warm like the sun
a sunrise peaks over
the horizon, meet you
halfway. Baby blues to
bright yellow roses
morning dew in the air

I feel electric.

somewhere between the lines
i messed up, don't know how
to go back, just laughing
hours ago faded to silence.
A dark cloud hangs over,
and I can't change the weather.

I will be better
better than you
could ever imagine
I will take what
you love and twist it
until its mine, mine
alone, and then maybe
you'll realize that
"I was never yours."

i wish I could be more
than a closed shut case
with you, I wish I could
be open like a butterfly
taking flight, but I feel
chained beneath the sea;
Never to be known.

a wisp in the night
you are a flame I followed
till the ends, till you went out
and left me in the pitch black
all alone.

You're the pink in my cheeks
the red in my veins, the
softer side of me. I'm still
that messed up kid from way
back when, but you've never
been one to bring umbrellas
on rainy days, you simply
dance.

a beautiful weaving knot of
emotion, desire, despair and
freedom.

To live is to feel.

what is it like to fall?
looking into pools of
blue, the warmth of
your hands, the pink
of your lips. I find
my eyes, hurriedly
running away from
yours; my heartbeat
quickens.

years later I feel
much the same, but
it will not stop me
from meeting your gaze.

the rush of another to do,
your whisper in my ear to
slow down, please,
slow down.
everything's going at a hundred
miles per hour, never reach
expectation, time stops for no one.

Maybe if I try my very best,
I can change my pace; to
walk by your side, instead.

waiting for a hand to
reach out that was never
there, no one to help me
I was alone, made stronger
but I didn't need to be strong,

I needed to be safe.

beautiful agonies
the feeling of being
torn apart; remake
yourself. I'm made
of pieces but still
whole. Something
different with the
silhouette of who
you remember; is
that enough for you?

let me down, lift me
up; it makes no
difference. What I
want is to feel
anything at all.
I'm addicted to
the roller coaster
of pleasure and
pain, plateau not
for me, reach for
the heavens.

I want to be your number
one, first in yours and my
mind; I know this but not
pure feelings, splintered,
roots overgrown, twisted
and menacing, am I your
perfect little idol, or am I
just a delusion?

the need to do more
an insatiable appetite
for a life bigger than
your own, stars in my
eyes. I just want to be
somebody.

thirty years yet still
figuring out myself, I
relish in my strengths and
yet, I cannot face my
failings. when I look inside
the mirror, who do I see?

i'm a self destructive girl

prepared for you to leave,
my deepest insecurity, but
anymore than I can stop time
from pressing on, I cannot
stop the bomb from
ticking.

running in circles
the rat race got
me down, digging
my feet in, jump
I'll get out of this
trench if it's the
last thing I do.

feeling alone in a crowded
room and then I found you
two people hand and hand
fighting the powers that be
A lone flame become stronger,
you are my one and only, the
light at the end of my tunnel,
and I hope you'll be the
death of me.

thoughts swirling like
lapping water on the
shore, memories
flashing like lightning
there's so much
I want to tell you.

with light there is darkness,
but in those rainy days, the
moments that are pitch black
no escape from the mind, alone.

I find my voice in the static,
pickup the pen, and I write.

daisy colored days
into dark blue nights
I confessed to a
person I thought
I knew, elation to
shattered dreams
took off the mask
and she didn't like
what she saw.

elation station
to moody blues
I take it in, breathe
and I reminisce

She pulls at me
but I won't give in;
i'm no longer the stardust
in the night, but a calm
breeze that you barely
notice, and I like it that way.

She wants me to be
the storm, but there's a
child who just wants to
be happy whose whispers
I make out in the static.

I can't pretend I miss you..
...
but I do miss the thought of you.

whirlwind sprinting to
the flittering keys, I need
to be more, to say more
I need to be the person
they think I can be, a
woman with confidence
an artist, a lover, the
person I always was
under the soot, diamond
in the rough, and
I'm ready to shine.

tap tap tapping on
my mind, lighting
strike to the brain
jitters, teeth grinding
I grab the world by the
throat, stopped by the
static, feel like I'm dying

but so alive

Is it the spark or just
another episode?

I swirl the stress, turn
pirouette in my veins.
It is fuel for my fire.
I breathe in, out.
shallow,
yet crisp
the smell of burning
leaves on a brisk
autumn day.


I am the flame,
won't you put
me out?

rebuilding myself with
feathers and paper scraps
the glue, flimsy, but it
needn't be stronger, for
it is my shell; Crack, bleed
and I will emerge reborn
a butterfly once more
this isn't my tomb, no
It is my metamorphosis.

the alcohol lined up with
stacked pill bottles, sobbing
a dark cloud lays upon me
your knock on the door, snap
back to the moment, wipe away
and answer with a smile, you
were silly and carefree, for a
moment my heavy heart lifted
and your laughter saved my life.

tick tock tick tock
time runs forward
miasma in my brain
a spark that keeps
lighting, lightning
in my limbs
been alight so long
don't know what it's like
not to burn

fingernails to rock
crawling up this mountain,
sweat fills the air, my cheeks
flushed, embarrassed of how
much effort it takes me to
deal with this burden but it's
okay, as long as I make it
one more day. I will have won
the race against myself.

I know there's no such thing as forever.

Intimately I have it carved into my heart
flecks of scars line my soul, deep in my
veins. Yet I treasure every single moment,
every laugh, every smile I give you.

I could never give you enough, tiny paper
scraps I offer, and you take them so
delicately. You help me breathe when I
forget who I am. You bring me back to
Earth when I go to float away.

I know we're not eternal.
But it doesn't matter.

All I can promise you is this moment,
and it's all you can promise me back.
That's enough.

It was always enough.

a story often starts
with dark stormy nights,
but you were my north star
peaking out so bright
my one and only, love and
a true light in the darkness
taking with you I'm just
laid bare with a starkness
I went to grab you from the
hole; to stop another's fall
no time to wonder if I'll
sacrifice it all.

every morning I wake up
a miracle and tragedy
wrapped up in one
I should be grateful but
all I feel is exhausted
let me sleep.

electric fireflies
dance in my vision
a spark makes my
limbs go rigid, stiff
emotions let free
a waterfall, won't
you hear me out?
Just one more time?

never-ending fire and I'm
out of water, can't stop
the blaze, all I can do is
watch it all burn down

hole of my own making
buried alive with things
I need to do, a person
I need to be. Digging
upward, dirt filling my
lungs, all I want is to
see sunlight again

the shadow around the corner

the monster in the mirror

it's what keeps me up at night

the thought of who I could be

these ghosts I hold
they shriek, they moan
a reminder of a past
I cannot atone
I wish to one day find
peace in this violence
see the message in the static,
I'll find myself in the silence

every single day I choose life
not actively, but a small whisper
behind the static that murmurs
"You can do it for another day"

mysterious stranger clad in
white, a beautiful visage, a
tiny laugh is all she leaves
behind, and little whispers
in the static.


"Who are you?" I plead
...
"Who am I indeed?"

made of dead stars
broken dreams, and
a heart dripping with
ink black as night

you called me beautiful
and I am still reeling
because despite my
flaw stained soul
you think I'm everything

even when I feel like
nobody at all

I'm tired of worrying if
I'll eat my words one day,
say too much; love too

much

I would rather regret
what I said over what
I can no longer say

I'm an addict for love
feel the heat of a moth
growing closer to flame
my wings already kissed
by growing fire. I live for
the warmth, even as I
burn alive

empty shell filled with
butterflies, beautiful
liar; the mysterious
whisper just where
you almost couldn't
hear

hot air fills my lungs,
scream softly
"I'm just tired."

we weren't star crossed and
certainly not just unlucky, no
your choices are your own
sins on your back yours to shake
I can't save a drowned corpse,
but you'll always stay a photograph
untouched in my mind, but tragedy;
you will never see how the story ends.

can't stop moving forward
a shark in the water, blood
pumping. How can you say
the fight is over while the
wound still bleeds?

when you fall head over
heels, how does it go?
are we honest, or two
masks just pretending?
craving words like hot
air in my lungs, I would
scream and cry if only
it'd mean anything at all.

demanding with your eyes
out for blood, violent red
but I know, deep down?
all you want is someone
to meet your gaze, and keep it.

overflowing with emotion;
every gaze, when our eyes
meet. I can make all the
promises like white lilies
on the shore, but you make
your way through the static
and always see me, only me,
a flawed girl made of ink.
If I promise to raise my sword
to your demons, could you
love mine?

it takes a village but
what happens when
yours goes up in flames?

And what if I'm the
one holding the match?

I didn't mean to burn this bridge.