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Hayleigh Apr 2015
When waves of sadness washed over me
And began to pull me under
You taught me how to swim.
Hayleigh Jan 2015
I've been down to the depths of hell
And danced with the devil on
Many occasions.
Hayleigh May 2015
The silence of losing you
Is deafening.
Hayleigh Sep 2015
She breathes
Constellations straight into my lungs.
She leaves
Stars fizzing gently on my tongue.
Hayleigh Jun 2014
This applies to every single one of you. No matter how little you may believe you are worth, I swear to you, you are worth more, way more than you could ever imagine, in your wildest dreams. You are worth the same as those you value most, that girl with the body you aspire yours to be like, those people that you envy for being so naturally beautiful, your closest friends, your family. You are worth every piece of happiness, hope and health. I promise. You are not a diagnosis or a statistic, defined by criteria, percentiles and numerical figures, no. You are so much more. You are more than the inches around your waist, the abs on your stomach, the lbs that creep up and down on the scales, the self defeating thoughts, the highlighting of your insecurities, the constant regrets.
You are the air you breathe, the laughter that slips between your lips, the fight that you said you had ran out of months ago. The love you share and feel, the smiles that sweep across your face, those moments where happiness feels so close that you can almost taste it. You are daylight, the sun, nightlife, clubs and music and drunken confessions. You are a shining star, the scent of your favourite perfume, your most treasured memories crammed into ink and squashed between frames.

Never doubt that you are more.

2013 ©
Not so much a poem, but i wanted you all to know that you are more.
Hayleigh May 2017
Loving her comes as naturally as breathing,
I inhale her and exhale her
Every single time.
Love lesbian lesbians heart world beautiful my girl metaphor
Hayleigh Dec 2014
Love:
Giving someone your heart and trusting them not to tear it right out of your chest.
Hayleigh Nov 2015
Your tongue wasn't strong enough to hold the lies
And my heart wasn't ready
To face the truth
Hayleigh Nov 2014
The way my name sounds
Sliding across your tongue
And
Departing from your lips
The way it feels as you draw it out
Of your hot breath and into the cold air and place it gently in the cove of my neck

Knocks me off my feet
Every single time
Hayleigh Mar 2015
Those lies you spun like a spiders web
Took place, built homes,
Inside my head.
Hayleigh Jan 2015
How could our love die
when it lives
in these pages?
Hayleigh Jan 2015
Most peoples hearts break,
Mine?
It **
S
     h
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              t
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                          r
                              s
Hayleigh Jan 2015
She anchors me
And yet at the same time
Sets me free.
Hayleigh Nov 2014
Beneath the surface
I start to boil,
My inner turmoil,
The tangled weeds,
Overgrown in the soil
Of my mind
Begin to unravel and unwind
And once again I am at risk
Of losing myself
Amongst poison ivy,
Planted by the lies
you told me.
Hayleigh Dec 2014
Look into my eyes,
There are no lies,
I have nothing to hide,
Allow your worries to subside
And wash away,
In me,
An Ocean of sanctity, security, honesty.
Hayleigh May 2014
Me?
I am astoundingly lucky,
You make me indescribably happy.
You free me from the deepest of insecurities,
and teach me,
To love myself,
show me the beauty you see,
teach me
to be, all i can be.
Hayleigh Aug 2014
And being in your arms
felt like coming home
and there was no scent more reassuring
Than the sweet smell of your cologne
as it enveloped me
in sanctity, security,
as the purity of your love
set sail so gently
upon my frail, abandoned, shipwrecked
body.
Hayleigh Jun 2014
Your insecurities,
all those flaws you believe to be impurities,
are beautiful,
to me.
Hayleigh Mar 2015
I miss the way my name slipped through your lips the way water slips through finger tips
Hayleigh Dec 2014
She was an earth quake
And with one touch
I would forsake
Everything.
Hayleigh May 2014
What happens when she doesn't want rescuing
When this mission you're persuing
is all in vain.
Hayleigh Dec 2014
No matter how lost I am
You always guide me home.
Hayleigh Dec 2014
There's no better feeling than waking tangled up in her skin.
Hayleigh Sep 2014
i miss the way you planted butterflies in my stomach and fireflies in the pupils of my eyes.
Hayleigh Jun 2014
There are no words, no carefully stringed sentences, no clever use of metaphors, alliteration, punctuation and full stops,
that allows us to crop and capture,
the rapture,
of love.
Hayleigh Dec 2014
I would bleed every pen dry
The sun right out of the sky
The truth out of every lie
In a bid to list
all the reasons why
I love you
Hayleigh Jan 2015
You don't look through me like most, you look deep inside, pick up every flaw and regret and make a toast to the wonders that make me, me.
Hayleigh Feb 2015
You've made some mistakes,
I have too.
In some ways we’re pretty similar,
in others I am nothing like you.
Hayleigh Jan 2015
You're a constellation of stars
The only constellation of stars
In my sky.
Hayleigh Nov 2014
You scribbled out my innocence
With poisoned ink
That flowed from your tongue
Lies wrapped in little green ribbons
Tumbling from the corners of your lips
Trickling down your chin
Until eventually,
You started tripping over them.
Hayleigh Jan 2017
I'll make masterpieces out of you, if only you'll let me.
War
Hayleigh Nov 2014
War
If we balanced our beliefs
Based on our griefs
Maybe we would cease
Fire.
Maybe the pleas,
And the consequences of dire,
Would be enough to aspire
To a better place,
To a new face
In that of justice.
Hayleigh May 2014
Mistakes,
everyone makes,
but how much more
self criticism
do we take
before it breaks
us.
Hayleigh Jan 2015
Every day
We fall further in love with
One another
We defy
The laws of physics
Some more.
Hayleigh Nov 2016
I can still feel his hands
around my heart.
Hayleigh May 2014
What if the sky isn't blue?
What if the grass isn't green too?
What if the sea isn't wet?
What if we never felt the sharp sting of regret?
What if morning never came?
What if there was no sunshine after the rain?
What if the leaves they didn't dance?
What if love didn't involve romance?
What if humanity ceases to exist?
What if time, was all but a myth?
What if the suns rays didn't shine?
What if poetry didn't rhyme?
What if the breeze never blew?
What if birds never flew?
What if colours existed in shades we'd never imagined?
What if no one could recall, terrible things that have happened?
What if there was no such thing as war?
What if no one closed or opened a door?
What if no one died?
What if no one ever lied?
What if humanity wasn't corrupted?
What if this world we live in, wasn't distructed.
What if global warming was just a scare?
What if all parties involved chose to play fair?
What if life didn't end in dying?
What if we were all satisified, just because we were trying?
Bored in hospital on a Saturday so thinking out loud and questioning the world using rhyming couplets..
Hayleigh Dec 2014
So what is recovery?
Is it that tingle in your cheeks
When the corners of your mouth meet
Upwards.
Is it that sparkle in your eyes
Because they're no longer suffocated by your cries and you now have the potential to realise
You are strong.
Is it that glimpse of light, that for so long had been out of sight, that you cling onto tight, through fear
It's only temporary.
Is it rediscovering yourself, rebuilding your health and developing a new wealth
Of coping mechanisms.
Is it realigning the chemical imbalances in your brain, so you no longer feel insane, so there's not less pain
But a mind that can handle it.
Is it the glimpse in the mirror where you don't turn in horror but you greet and honour the person that you are.
Is it the fear, that's consumed you year by year, that's brought the end so near,
That starts to evaporate.
Is it eating a meal, and not having to feel like
You need to punish yourself.
Is it hearing voices, but no longer allowing them to dictate your choices,
Because they don't own you anymore.
Is it putting down the bottle, because you're fed up of the throttle
It had you in.
Is it the feeling when you finally win
Back your own heart and mind
When finally you look inside
And don't find
Darkness but light,
When the night no longer scares you
And the days you can finally pull through
Or is it simply a phase
A gaze at what could never be
For there is no clarity,
No prospect to be free
In chains and nooses
And scars and bars.
In bodies that fight to survive
Trapped inside a mind that fights to take our lives.

Some of us; shall never be undone
We fight a war;
That could Never be won.
First draft....
I think recovery is all of these things whilst accepting there is always the risk that it is temporary if you allow it to be.
Hayleigh Nov 2016
I'm still spitting your lies out of my mouth.
Hayleigh Aug 2017
Every three seconds someone in the world is diagnosed with dementia, that works out as 9.9 million new cases of dementia world wide each and every year. In 2017 the number of sufferers was said to be just under 50 million, this number is set to almost double every 20 years.

I am walking for a world where people do not have to live in fear of losing themselves before they lose their lives. Where the only wandering that takes place is not up and down corridors, in streets, or in care homes but is that wonder of what life was like for those that suffered. Where the only reason that questions are asked is because people don't have to experience what it's like to have to lose a loved one to this disease. Where hands can feed their own mouths, where brains don't shut down, where people recognise the sound of their own voice, their reflection, where mirrors don't scream rejection.

I am walking for a time when people have a sense of time, of the date, of the year, where they don't live in fear of a diagnosis that stamps them with an expiration date, that defines and underlines the heavy hearted fate they are yet to await.

Where the only memories lost are the memory loss of what these symptoms and statistics sound like.
Where the only thing misplaced is the difficulties faced, because no one has to endure this illness anymore.
I am walking for a world without dementia.

Any and all donations welcome.

Thank you.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/mw266787
Hayleigh May 2014
To aspire and inspire, to analyse, criticise, to encourage, share, support and advise.
Hayleigh Jun 2014
You scream urgency
Like an accident and emergency
waiting room,
like a person relapsing into addiction,
Because they pushed themselves
too soon.
And there are claw marks in the soil,
Where you've tried to get to grips,
with solid ground,
There's a danger in your voice,
Like a lost child waiting to be found,
And you string sentences at a time
but no sound emits.
Danger, like,
Racing cars and frightened cries,
And there are holes in your back,
Formed by the lies,
You've been subjected too
And i wonder if i could use them
To breath life back into you.
I wonder if i get close enough,
If i could see,
The dreams and memories,
Before they turned stale
And congealed in your veins,
And left you entangled in the remains.
The valleys of your eyes,
Run wide and down deep,
And when you weep,
Your tears fall heavier,
Than a ten tonne van,
You're a shadow of the man,
You used to be,
And even your shadow,
Has deserted you,
Sought someone anew.
And your foundations
Are built on heartache and pain,
And those little tear ducts in your eyes,
Constantly rain,
But you you're in a draught,
All the love you've showered others in
Means you've ran out,
for yourself,
And your health is a picture
Of cigarettes and late night drinks,
Old whiskey, poured down sinks,
And you're reaching the brink,
The breaking point,
But you quite like the sound,
Of broken plates,
And you quite like the taste,
Of self destruction.
And there's a ghost,
Where you used to be,
Haunting the curves
Of your smile,
That you paint on,
Why you defile
Your skin,
This terror your living in,
Could start a thousand wars,
And this battle your fighting,
Inside of your mind,
Leaves a carcus, a morsel,
Of yourself behind.
Your insides stick to the past,
Like double sided cello tape,
And there are windchimes in your spine,
Where your bones should be,
And your heart on your sleeve,
Is clouded,
By red marks where you've sliced open your skin,
In at attempt to be free,
Of those demons, the sin,
For a new beginning.
There's toxic in your lungs,
And a noose around your neck,
Where you've hung your expectations
Too high,
And you're hanging by a thread,
And tying knots the further down you slip,
As you sip,
Another shot of courage.
But there's only so long,
One can hold on for,
And believe me I've been down
To the depths of hell and danced with the devil
On many occasions,
And the sheer frustration,
Of the attempts to be patient,
Are wearing thin,
Like the warm skin, that stretches,
Over your protruding bones.
Just a first draft..
Hayleigh Jul 2014
You scream urgency like an accident and emergency waiting room, like a person relapsing into addiction, because they pushed themselves too soon.
And there are claw marks in the soil, where you've tried to get to grips, with your inner turmoil.
And there's a danger in your voice, like a lost child waiting to be found, and you string sentences at a time but no sound, emits. As you sit in fits, of hysterics.
Danger, like racing cars and frightened cries, and there are holes in your back, formed by the lies, you've been subjected too. And i wonder if i could use them to carefully breathe, life back into you.
The life that you seem to have let slip through your finger tips, like dry sand, and there are wants and demands, taped to the pupils of your eyes, and i wonder if i get close enough, if i could see, if i could prize, them open.
The dreams and memories, before they turned stale and congealed in your veins, before they curled up and died, and left you entangled, in the remains.
And the valleys of your eyes, run wide and down deep, and when you weep, your tears fall heavier, than a ten tonne van, falling from unreachable heights.
And there are marks on your body, where you've lost the fights, the sleepless nights, with yourself. And you're a shadow of the man, you used to be, and even your shadow, has sought someone anew.
And your foundations are built on heartache and pain, and those little tear ducts in your eyes, they constantly rain. torrential down pours.
And there is hopelessness, embedded deep within your pours and despite the ongoing rain, you,you're in a draught, all the love you've showered others in means you've ran out, for yourself.
And your health, is a picture of cigarettes and late night drinks, old whiskey, poured down sinks.
And you're reaching the brink, the breaking point. But you quite like the sound, of broken plates and you greet with haste, the familiar taste of self destruction.
And there's a ghost, where you used to be, haunting the curves of  your smile, watching you all the while, as you destroy and defile, the cold skin, that stretches over your protruding bones.
This terror your living in, lures the wolves home, could start a thousand wars, and this battle your fighting, these revolving doors, inside of your mind, leave a carcus, a morsel, a shell, of yourself behind.
And your insides stick to the past, like double sided cello tape, and there are windchimes in your spine, counting down the time you wait, for freedom to meet you with open arms, and your arms, paint a picture of self harm, in bright red pen, and the ringing of alarms is renewed again and again.
And your heart on your sleeve, is clouded, and weaved, between fragile pastel pink scars, and the hesitation in your voice, jars any conversation, and you scream in frustration as we express your complications.
And you, you wish desperately, that you could be free, of those demons, the sin, for a new beginning.
And there's toxic in your lungs, and a noose around your neck,where you've hung your expectations too high,
And you're hanging by a thread, and the further you slip, the more knots you tie, in an attempt to buy time,
And you drink down each crime against yourself, with another bottle of wine, as you search and unwind, the mazes within your mind.
And you can see in the way you carry your frame, that you've been to the depths of hell and danced with the devil in vain, on many occasions,
And your eyes they tell tales wanders, of liquid sedation, as you squeeze into a nation, too small, too handle, too inexperienced, too dismantle, the train wreck, you see, every time you look intensely, at your reflection,
And your recollections of your past, are like shards of sharp glass,scattered between the seams of your life, and you, you batter the strife, with drug filled bombs, painful tongues and licks, of the kicks, you deny to be true, as you continue to fall through, reality in a clarity, smeared with drunken violence, and ear piercing silence.
Redrafted with a new format and structure. Hope you all like it.
Hayleigh Dec 2014
Words could never capture you,
Encapsulate you, encompass you
Because they are not strong enough
To withhold such beauty
They are too small to occupy
The love you carry
They are too trivial, too mundane
Too exhausted
To distinguish, define and denote
To embrace
Everything that I love,
Everything that I believe in,
Everything that matters,
Everything that is you.
Hayleigh Oct 2014
I remember the first night we kissed
The feeling of fireworks
Erupting on my lips
Of electricity pulsing through your fingertips
Tracing down my hips
To the curves of my spine
The standstill of time
As your eyes looked deeply into mine
And you drew the words i love you with your hot breath
And stamped them
Beneath my rib cage.
Hayleigh Apr 2014
And if I could write
and recite
these happenings within my mind
one can only wander
what words one could find
to describe
what one has never understood
and if I could
there'd be no need to bleed
a pen of its ink
if only I had the ability
to decipher what I think.
x
Hayleigh May 2014
x
Fear not there haunted eyes,
a young girl, broken,
behind them lies.
x
Hayleigh Oct 2014
x
Missing you feels like,
a cold, empty hand,
clamped around the lonely shadows of
my heart, in the crevices of the sheets,
Cradling myself at four in the morning.
X
Hayleigh Oct 2020
X
I would withstand a lifetime of sun free and starless skies
to watch
the s u n r i s e
in those eyes
Just one last time

Some days it as though you never left
Others
there is a swelling cavity surging beneath the bones of my chest

Tell me when do you plan on giving me back my heart?

I’m tired of new beginnings and I’m folding at the thought of fresh starts.

There are only so many times I can break and bend and rise again.

there are times I swear I feel those soft hands
Brush across my sombre skin
Do you remember those nights
We’d forget to remember
where I ended and you’d begin

My mind is on fire with the thought of you.
I can’t put you out, rip the taste out my mouth.

How can I be hers when I have only ever been yours?
X
Hayleigh Jun 2015
X
Irrevocably, irrefutably, incomparably.



Infinitely.
xx
Hayleigh Nov 2014
**
It was as though her touch set my body ablaze
Forest fires spreading through my veins
Dragon flies alight
Dancing in the remains.
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