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An ocean without its unnamed monsters would be like a completely dreamless sleep.
-John Steinbeck

Lately I've dreamt so much of death
that death surely also dreams of me.

I die in such novel ways, that only
a brain glutted with sticky sleep

could devise: my teeth have the word
"OBITUARY" scrimshawed across them

as I dig myself a grave - my shovel
strikes colossal grandfather clocks

instead of rock and webbed root
in the wet black loam. The worst

feature my father, who vanishes
suddenly mid-sentence, leaving

behind a silence like old books
forgotten and dampstained

on yard sale tables, patiently
waiting for eyes or for fire.

Death: come, play chess with me,
as is your wont; wear Old Shuck

& twin me down the night streets -
anything but this, when I dread

the failure of evening coffee,
& slide unwilling into cold sheets.
I have recently learned a lot of things
One being the fact that people who live in one country are completely
unaware of everything in another country
It's like an alien coming to earth for the first time
everything is going to be completely new to them
Everyday it's the same
I wake up and realize that you're still gone
From there it hits me all at once
And then tears come
It feels like I'm drowning
How long will it hurt when people say your name in past tense?
It feels like the only way to be closer to you
Is to do the things we used to do together
But even that makes me cry
Yet I do it anyway
I would gladly listen to the songs that played at your funeral
Even if it brings up those images of you laying still in that casket
Because it makes me feel closer to you
I'm some odd way
When you love you have to prepare to get your heart broke
You have to be willing to get your heart broke
That doesn't always mean that it will
But there is always a chance
I was never prepared for it
When I take a good look at that house
I see pictures of people I've never seen before
I see medals I've never won
I see the peoples faces who call me daughter
But I have no idea who they are
I see my reflection but I don't know my name
I have no idea who I am
This house is full of memories
But these are not my memories
This is my past
Let it go...
If it mattered to you at one time then it was important
But if it's holding you back it's a distraction.
They say words I've never heard
With meanings I've never known
They say powerful statements
Yet it means nothing
Because I'll never understand the language of the smart ones
There's baggage that comes with me
There's thoughts I can't outrun
There's people that I envy
I hate who I've become
...
Somehow life went on without you...
We are wolds apart
Yet we are so close
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