"I killed someone"
I cried
The Dreamer
The Wanderer
The one whose imagination
Rivals that of the Gods
I never meant to
I just wanted more control
Being a dreamer as it downsides
Determined to be disciplined
I trained
But in reality
I was killing my creativity
It happened so suddenly
Is what I tell myself
But I felt her dieing
Saw all the warnings
But I never fought for her
I watched as she slipped away
Tears stained her flawless face
"I forgive you"
She uttered
At that moment
Something died within me
Irreplaceable,
It can never be revived
My Muse is forever dead
And I eternally locked from it domain

My Calamity,
An ever shifting beauty
Esoteric and unnatural in it being,
Like a taste you can't taste,
So foreign none of my senses perceive her.
She.....She.......
She evades any explanation I could give,
A limitation on her.
She—
A blank canvas,
Touched and formed by an Old soul—
A certain Confessional poet —
Who filled her with more truth
Than there is in the Bible.
Raw, Unbridled, Mind boggling
I know I won't survive her,
Yet........Yet
My heart aches to see it all,
To know,
Not to change, but to understand,
To love, to hate, to fight, to reconcile.
It my calamity and I,
Versus
The truth.

My bane, the unseen—
The part of me
I never want to meet.
You grew in silence,
A writhing mass of shadow,
Born from loneliness
And self-defeat.

Oh, how I hate you.
But I can’t.
Because hating you
Means hating me.
You’re the sum
Of all my wrong turns—
And still,
I run back to you.
Because in the end,
Only you
See the real me.

The world outside is a jungle.
They walk on two legs,
But bite with their words.
You became my cage.
And though the key is in my hand,
I hold it like a blade.
I want to break you
For the pain you bring—
But you’re also
My only comfort.

I locked you away.
Still, I run to you.
Banging and banging
On the walls I built—
Trapped between black and white,
Running from both,
Neither offering understanding.

So here I am—
Your jailer.
Your only friend.
Your enemy.

And I wonder,
After all this…
Do you care for me?

I fought.
Every second of my life
Etched in pain.
I faced it.
I won.
It changed me.
I learned.

I unlearned the so-called truths,
Every sacred teaching
Of life.
And relearned it myself—
From the best teacher:
Life.

She taught me all.
My favorite woman.
Whether pain or pleasure,
I loved her just the same.
She whispered secrets
Of existence, society, and everything in between.

Many times, I nearly died.
But I survived.

Then came sin—
My chosen curriculum.

I built my deadliest sins
And wore them like armor:
My vanity rivals even God's.
I cannot fail. It's impossible!

My greed keeps me sharp,
Focused, burning.
I want what I want.

My lust—
Not only for ***,
But for victory.
To see this world
Brought to its knees.

A cosmic hunger.

My gluttony?
It drives me to take on
More than I should—
And still, I surpass.

My apathy—
That cold, uncaring monster—
Is my shield.
A necessary evil.

Everything else is obsolete.
Even virtue.

If you plan to survive in this world:
Abandon all virtues.
There is no God above.

You are God.
We are Gods.

Do not let the devil of *******
Use society's illusion of order
To chain your will
And drain your soul.

You are a creature of change.
Change is chaos.
Chaos is life.
Life is God.
God is me.
I am you.
You are us.

Heed this message:
Survival is not the goal.
Possession is not the goal.
Happiness is not the goal.

Chaos is.

The only permanent truth
Is impermanence.

So go.
Unleash the world.
Restore it to its natural order—
CHAOS!

What's there to say?
I sit here waiting,
Waiting for something.
A thing that doesn't know it way
Or maybe it's me who doesn't.
Hopeless, Restless,
I stay,
For that one day,
That everything will be better.
But I know
Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

Everlasting light,
Shining on the green Titans
As their browns falls to earth.

Someone once told me;
"Writing is a lonely experience"
It really is
No one sees you toiling away at night
Fighting the demon of anti life
as he tries to make you end it all
No one sees how much thought you put into one word
As you alight your tired mind trying to predict how this will impact your story
No one sees your many hours of work tearing away at research while fighting the demon of madness
No one sees your dreams and aspiration to be the best
And when they do you become a golden rag
Used to clean the fat cats dark mouth
No one sees your endless night trying to organise your ideas into fantastic world and when they do they link it to something unrelated
No one sees how you slowly lose yourself to the unrhythmic assonance associated with the unrelated
No one sees just what you're trying to portray as they have to interpret their own meaning
No one hears the click-clack of the keyboard that slowly hypnotize you into oblivion
And if you finally finish you hate it

What have I done?
On my quest to gain power,
I killed someone,
Someone dear to me,
And not just one,
But multiple people that existed only in me
Died with my act,
An unforgivable one.
The setting sun
Unleashes it's red glow
Further highlighting the blood on my hands
The wind howls, mourning;
A trait I have forever lost

I look back back to my villa
An haven big enough to feed the world
To fulfil every and all desire and needs
Forever keeping them happy
But to me, it's a monument to what I did
It will never fulfil my one desire.

I wish mother was here
I still remember the last time I saw her
She was smiling, that genuine smile I've always loved
Even as her body deteriorate
I worked so hard to save her
But I failed.
Now, this is the only memory of her that's left,
The rest died with him,
That happy child,
So full of wonder, curiosity,
Knew what it meant to live in the moment
To be genuinely happy,
To genuinely love and care for others without thinking of ulterior motives
To.....to......to just....be
But I will never feel that again

On my quest to be independent
To grow up
To be for me and me alone
What was nurtured in me for years
All the memories and emotions engraved within them
Gone, in the blink of an eye

A stand here amidst the haven I built to be my happiness
But all it does is remind me of my state
Dead, cold, and unfeeling
Forever cursed to be soulless
A cold unfeeling monster