The memories still flow freely
Like a cut that won't stop bleeding
Though you've been gone for years
And to ghosts I'm left pleading

When love was severed at the root
Like a limb discarded
I've since felt dull ache
Perpetually disregarded

Like phantom limb syndrome
This missing extension can be felt still
Though there's nothing there
Naught but the occasional chill

carving an incisive
incision into the core of
my most potent vulnerabilities

You wield emotional harm like a knife,
Throats slit, bleeding ruby despair
You withdraw affection like a trained killer
Stopping pulses with nary a care

I am ill and have no salve nor tonic,
No solace for a heart worn by grief,
No reprieve for a soul crushed with regret,
I am but a plaything for Love,
A rag doll to be hurled around
By a petulant God,
Punishing Man for his hubris,
His gall to demand happiness,
An impudence unforgivable,
Punishable by a lifetime of
Emotional flagellation and damnation
Damnation, forsooth
**** this bottomless heart,
**** this burning blood it pumps,
**** this undying fire,
Burning for a dead icon,
Like a dog bringing sticks to his master’s grave,
This fire burns almost to prove a point
With no regard for life,
Until it razes this body clean to the ground

rain drops
  ripples ascending
    disturbing placidity and calm

What if I ran when you told me to?
What if I hadn’t said no?
What if I had left you the way you left me?

And what if you weren’t the first girl?
Would I have loved you the same?
Would I still be bound and chained by this addiction?

I grew closer to you than anyone,
I sang to you on the phone before your surgery,
I straightened your hair when you couldn’t lift your shoulder

How do you reconcile this?
How do you rationalize it?
Or discard it?

I couldn’t always be there for you,
But I always tried,
Despite the distance,
I always tried

I bite my hand every time I think of:
Water streaming down your body
Rivulets running from your neck
Tracing your delicate collarbones
Rolling off your soft *******

I bite my hand every time I think of:
Our limbs entwined
Connecting, exploring
Your eyes staring into mine
Analyzing, imploring

I bite my hand
A curious reflex developed
The pain perhaps to snap back to reality
Or perhaps to give my anguish life

Gasp and catch your breath
Hold charred remains of bridges
It's all really gone

Go on and love your ghosts,
And imagine them requiting it

Spend your days pining,
For a corpse long buried

Waste away the hours,
While they love another

Awaken from your delusional stupor,
Find a beating heart and love anew

We plant roots so that a tree may grow,
A symbol of time and devotion

And if a bushfire comes,
Will our efforts be for naught?

I salt all my wounds,
Excoriate the flesh,
I like the way it stings,
And makes the pain feel fresh

Serendipity begets bad luck,
In a loop with no meaning,
And nothing worth gleaning,
Leaving us all at the mercy,
Of careless Luck's whimsy

This grip remains ever tight,
I’ve ended relationships because I refused to entertain long distance again,
I ended a toxic relationship with a flaxen beauty,
Because I refused to accept her brokenness,
Because I refused to try and fix anyone ever again

And I’m not alone because I haven’t had chances,
These were conscious sabotages,
Because I refused to settle for less than love

I will not settle for love that doesn’t throttle me,
Or drive me to ***** from anxiety,
I won’t settle for love that doesn’t set my skin on fire,
Or consume my thoughts like a pathology,
I won’t settle for love that I’m not terrified to lose,
Because I wouldn’t be able to breathe without it

I won’t settle for a love that I wouldn’t write poetry about until I’m ******* dead,
I won’t settle for a love that doesn’t make an addict out of me again,
I won’t settle for a love that doesn’t shove you away,
And I won’t settle for a love that doesn’t grip me as hard as your memory does

I won’t settle because nothing less will do,
Nothing less can rewire me,
Nothing less can fill this chasm in my heart,
And maybe I won’t ever stop loving you,
But I deserve nothing less than to love anew

(n.):* the kind of bitterness plaguing your tongue no matter how you drown it in liquor

A fool shipwrecked
Driven to delirium
Driven to quench his thirst with seawater
Drinking more and more
Until he was killed by the thing
He thought could never betray him

shower (n.): a place to practice the words you'll never say

Silence is a language in itself,
It’s poignant, peaceful, deafening, soothing
Silence transcends trite words,
And its meaning is known by the way it settles in your bones
Whether it’s a silence shared by two lovers cradling each other in bed,
Oblivious to anything but their sacred bliss
Or a silence spanning years by lovers turned strangers,
Long entrenched in new lives and new souls

Silence wraps itself around time like ivy on gnarled roots
Intertwining itself with life
As time grows, it can intensify, become tangible like cream
When you are all alone, embrace silence,
Do not fear it,
For it can be your solace or your doom

If we silently missed each other, a million worlds apart, would it matter?

If 2 trees fell down 2,981 miles apart and no one was around to hear them, would they make a sound?

On the day that you drove home alone from the airport, did your tears run as silently as mine did on the morning I texted you, "I'm sorry for everything" before deleting your number for good?

A silhouette of trees,
Spindly branchlets reaching skyward,
Yearning to pierce the very clouds they merely obscure

I find that as I get older,
Cuts take longer to heal,
Scars stay longer, deeper

Inconvenient reminders of my failures,
Trophies of inadequacies,
Agonies made tangible

You are the cut in the roof of my mouth,
The one I keep tonguing just to feel it bleed
Just to feel something

I have starved for your lips,
Reliving endless memories,
Passion and flesh ethereal

I am the ongoing experiment to see if a man can die of longing
And I have no endgame in mind,
I will build my life around this hollow

I will move forward as this gulf grows wider,
As the streams of our lives flow in parallel,
Never to cross except perhaps in cruel dreams

I've let go of every flame but you,
You, who will never burn for me again
While I continue to dutifully smolder

Sorry for staring,
Your visage has simply stolen my words

I could craft volumes of poetry on your eyes alone,
I swear I see the souls of sapphires
In those bottomless pools of azure

But here, now, I am spellbound,
Bewitched by beauty,
Captivated by curves,
And I hope I can crack out a "Hello"

I will love you,
But be warned,
It will stain

Music always was an escape for me,
Until you came and went,
And stole it all from me

Tegan and Sara, blink-182
Seether, Jimmy Eat World
and Aerosmith too

Every song was a dagger,
That I masochistically plunged,
Until I was drained, haggard

I have my songs back,
But you've stained them,
Forever marked black

One might call us star crossed,
Two lovers doomed by distance,
But that's a half truth

You and I were an exothermic reaction past its prime
You and I were a failed blend of oil and water

You and I were the product of the most passionate intersection of two souls
Two strangers willing to bare their secrets
And form a bond meant to stand the test of time,
But whose links simply rusted as though entropy was having a sick laugh

When our hands joined, there was an electricity,
It could power this city forever,
If only the plug wasn't pulled,
If only the lights had stayed on

Sometimes we hand love as willingly,
As hostages with Stockholm syndrome,
As if it was just a foregone conclusion.

“Here, take my heart,” you’ll say.
“Look how delicately it beats.”
You hope they cradle it, treat it with care.

“Please be careful,” you’ll say.
“It’s yours now. And ******* it, I need to trust you.”
Love can be irresponsible.

“Please don’t make me regret this.”

Strawberry lips, capable, voluptuous
Shapely hips, body sumptuous
Vanilla cream skin, soft, inviting
Fingers squeezing, feeling, igniting
Tongue flicking, teeth biting
Blood pumping, flesh writhing
Tangled bodies, spirits, lives
Pleading, teasing, seducing eyes
Limbs reaching, groping, pleasing
Panting faster, shallow breathing
Oh God, don't stop!
Screams, gasps, ecstasy, pop

A skeleton structurally unsound
Every bone vibrating with
The echoes of *goodbye

Do you talk to your mother
about me when you drink?
Do whispering thoughts undulate
from your subconscious,
yearning to be heard?

Go on and carry me as your burden
I won't say a word and
I'll breathe in this sulfurous shame
And suffer the same
As I have for so long