This user is loosing interest in everything
like tabs left open, forgotten, buffering.
Notifications blink like dying stars,
but none are worth the effort of looking.

Conversations feel like code
written in languages I unlearned.
but mean none of them.

Even the mirror loads too slowly,
and when it does,
the face looks like someone
mid-update,
stuck.

The days autoplay.
The nights glitch.
And somewhere in the background,
I hear the soft hum
of systems shutting down.

I always thought there were two kinds of love,
The kind you’d die for
The kind you’d **** for.

But you my love,
Is the kind of love to live for,
A world without you,
Is a world left to rot.

My soul ached,
ached for something that wasn't there,
fragments of sanity,
or something left,
anything

but my hands just tore through air,
nothing—
nothing—
nothing to hold,
no real thing left to touch.
Was it real?

Time doesn’t tick anymore,
it just rots in the corners,
empty hours I can't fill
with anything that feels real.

faces I know,
but don't
eyes that stare and don’t care, (must they care?)
lips that move,
but nothing comes out.

The stars shine
but I don’t see it.
I stand there waiting
for something to make sense,
but nothing ever does,
nothing will.

I tried to die,
but I just ended up
standing here,
an echo of life
waiting to vanish.

I like pizza,
No I love pizza,
More thank anything,
anyone.

I think about it obsessively,
Dreaming of it,
Praying for it,
Craving for it.

This isn't about pizza

I just want a day,
where it doesn’t feel like i'm falling apart anymore,
A day i feel completely okay
But such a day will never exist,
Will it?

Writers hurt,
In a way no one can hurt
We dont cry,
We bleed on paper.

And i will forever bleed on paper,
Everyday;
For the rest of
My years.

But I let the same problems steal these tears,
It’s not a choice,
I’m tired every day.

I just want a day.
where it doesn’t feel like i'm falling apart anymore,
A day.

Your not dead,
But it feels like you are.

I'll scroll past a stranger on the internet,
But I know their soul,
The hurt in their life,
The people they like,
The life they live,
Their favourite food,
Song,
Artist,
Their favourites

How do you know a person,
And they’re still strangers?

Your not dead,
But your memory fades,
And the laughter from us on the couch,
Irking eachother and eating icecream.
The sound of our home,
Full of giggles and smiles.
The family I yearned for.
The care I yearned for.

Who will make me giggle when I cry?
And listen to my worthless words?
To indulge my every whim,
And cook me food when i'm hungry,

Who will take care of you,
Make sure your healthy,
And bother you,
Borrowing something from your room every day,
Sitting on your bed and telling each other about our day,
Who we hate
Who we love
Who we judge

You live,
But not in my world
Your walking around somewhere,
Content with your new life,
I hope you are.
But i'm not.
I smell your smells and think of you,
I listen to your songs
I play your games
And think of then.

Where did they go?
Where did you go?
Why did you have to go?

“What do you see in him?”
Everything you’re too blind to see,
Too foolish to know

I see everything in him,
An everything only I get to see.
I see everything.

“What do you see in him?”
Everything you don’t see.

The stars in his eyes,
The warmth of the sun in his touch,
The world is him.

And it is the only world I'll ever need.
I see in him,
What you don’t

Can you remember who you were,
Before the world told you who you are.

Before all the whispers turned to screams,
In your own mind.

Who were you?
Before everything changed you,
Before you “fixed yourself”

You’re mother will say
“Where did my darling go?
The one with the heart to big for her body,
The one whose purity was that of gold,
The one who’s justice was louder than doubt,
The one who had no doubt
The one who always loved,
The one who always forgave,
The one who bore like the sun.”

And you will be confused,
Because all you were,
Is what you are now.
Confused,
Broken,
Hurt,
And changed.

A hypocrite,
For you’ve always hated change.
For you’ve always hated hypocrites

I tried **** myself,
Not with a rope
Not with a knife,
Not my body.

I tried to **** my soul,
Not entirely I
But my mind
Convincing and hounding,
With logic

And I could feel it,
Screaming,
Gasping,
Tears.
I felt as each fiber began to shred,
Bleeding with my sanity.

Each tear, holding a shred of my soul,
Each piece tiny,
But huge.

I tried to **** myself,
On the 6th of april.
And i would have succeeded,
If not for the sun calling me
Beckoning me,
Loving me.
Just like its warmth promised.

And I could see my stars
Twinkling for another,
And that,
Saved my soul.

My stars fell,
But my sun saved them.

You’re not here,
Sitting on the bed with me,
Taking your hit and yapping.

But the air still hums,
Like you just left.
And i’m laughing again,
Complaining about something,
You made a joke.

And I have a reassurance in the back of my mind,
Saying,
“You're safe with this, its forever”
But it isn’t.
It feels like it will never change,

But it does,
Having to leave,
And no one told the air,
To forget about you.

The only thing fair in life is death,
It comes for everyone,
Young or old,
Good or Evil,
Beautiful or unsightly.

It doesn’t discriminate,
It’s not plagued by the modernity of society,
It is just,
And unbiased.
It doesn’t care who you are,
Or what you are.

Everything created,
Must be destroyed,
And what destroys better than death?

I’ve shown my body,
More times than I've gotten flowers.
What's crazy is,
I love flowers
And hate my body.

But you don’t,
You love my body.
It’s what pulled you in,
What made you even want me.

Not me,
Not the way I spill my dreams at midnight,
Not the way I trace constellations on fogged-up windows,
Not the sparkle in my eyes,
Not my heart.

Just the skin,
Just the shape,
Just something to hold,
Just something interesting.
Just something to ****

You may worship me,
You may make me favour my body,
You may treat me right,
And you may “love” me now.

But the beginning is just the same
And if I were to lose any charm or,
God forbid my looks.
You’d leave and never come back.

I hate my body
And yet,
I still wait for flowers.

I want to die
not in the way that I’m supposed to,
Cause I never do what i’m supposed to.

I want to rot in the corner of someone’s conscience,
Like the lost friend from your childhood
Loved, forgotten and ignored
But undeniably present.
I want to be forgotten
like the scream muffled under a party song,
like a suicide note
burned before it was read,
Or never found,

Not a name forgotten,
but a name mispronounced
Or just on the tip of your tongue
By someone who pretends to care
By someone's mind that is painted red,
With my blood, but no guilt,
As I must always forgive
I don’t want a eulogy,
I want to be the glitch in a childhood memory,
the static between the channels,
the reason you pause mid-laugh
and feel sick for no reason.
When I disappear,
let it be like ink bleeding through your skin,
beautiful and wrong,
disgusting but permanent.
Let me go like a sin you almost confessed.

You kissed my scars..
Then mocked the blood.

You wanted a girl,
To replace the one you lost
Not grief
Not pain,
Not me.

You saw my soul,
and flinched..
I cried and begged for you,
Till I choked on my poison which was you,
And you said, “too much.”

I shattered and you said I was too loud,
I begged,
You lied,
I broke.

I love you,
The way Icarus loved the sun
To close,
Too much.

I wouldn’t mind if it killed  me,
For in my eyes,
There is no tragedy in burning for you.

Let the flames kiss my skin,
Let the light blind me whole.
If loving you means ruin,
Then ruin is the sweetest fate I know.

Just like Icarus,
I’d die for you,
I’d abandon all,
Just for you