Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead
Than stuck in these thoughts that fill up my head.
I miss him much, and I'm so f*cking stressed.
I want to forget him but I'm still so obsessed.
I'm still in denial, and sometimes still hope
That regret is enough to undo this **** rope.
But my fingers are shaking and my vision grows white,
And the harder I try, the more it grows tight.
         If the further he goes, the closer I feel,
Am I falling for him, or just an ideal?
And now he's but a stranger to me,
And I to him, and it’s so **** lonely.
Does he still care? And what might he say
If I asked him to gamble himself and stay?
Would he hate me? Pity me? Or somehow realize
I'm a fickle, selfish woman he ought to despise?
       I confess that I made mistake on mistake--
I hurt him so much and caused his heartbreak.
I took him for granted, and somehow still do,
As if after all the pain I put him through,
"You still love me enough to let me have you."
       I'm a sucker for pain, and much too weak-willed
To take up my cross for the Blood that was spilled.
I'd rather have him now, and be less fulfilled.
Oh God, what a sinner I am, who hardly even tries
To move on from him and give up my lies
That I might fix "Us" with these selfish cries.
I try to persuade myself two contrary things--
One, that I love him, and that's why it stings,
And two, that I don't, and my heart only clings
To my love for love, or for company.
Oh, God, do you think there's a possibility
That the friend that I killed might somehow love me?

Your smile is a melody
Played out upon a handsome face,
But since our strings were rent in two,
It's more a wound than it's a grace.

Your laugh is like a warbling brook
That brings the lonely heart relief,
But since our evening's torrid rain,
The sound of you just brings me grief.

Your voice is like hot chocolate
That warms one to the very core,
But since you ceased to speak to me,
I cannot drink it anymore.

Your hands are anchors in the storm
That hold the ship safe in the port,
But since our tide has long gone out,
Your touch will only harm and hurt.

Your hair is like a cushioned cloud
Where severed lips may find their seat,
But since the sev'ring was in us,
My kisses fall down at my feet.

Your eyes are but two dancing stars
That welcome home the weary soul,
But since this fog has come between,
I stumble like some blinded fool.

Your tears are like the misting rain
Through which the sun shines bows above.
So lovely, soft, and sad they flow,
But never more are mine to love.

Today I love you more than I can say,
Quite like I loved you yesterday.
Who knows what feelings tomorrow might bring,
But today my thoughts center on one thing:
I think we're compatible (we're made in the same batch).
Sometimes it seems we're a heaven-made match.
But playing with matches never ends up well:
What starts with a spark turns into hell.

Today I love you, I love you so much,
And I can never love you enough.
Every trouble that we overcome
Brings us closer. But there's one
Problem. Yes, the word is out;
I must confess: I have a doubt.

Today I love you--I love you more each day.
Oh, how I wish it would always be this way.
But the fears that whisper to me sometimes
Refuse to give vent to better love rhymes.
And so, my dearest, if I see it clearly,
When I'm hurting, it hurts too dearly.

But at least for today,
I love you, I love you, I love you.