Between the silences is the pitiful exchange
We sit, stiff backed, in plastic chairs.
I don't want to talk to you,
your attempts to make conversation
are all but ignored.
Tight lipped, I turn away.
To think you could make me better.

I must admit,
I hate to feel.
But burning rage,
is what I feel often.
If you want to **** with me,
two can play at that game.

Well, things have changed now.
Not really, they haven't.
I assume you're doing well.
Don't assume things, I'm not.
The therapy must have helped you.
As if I could forget what was done to me.
I just knew you could be happy again.*
Do you listen to anything? I am not happy.
How dare you come here and expect me to magically be better?
Did you think I'm not forever scarred by what he did?
I wish I could forgive the world, but I cannot.

I'm sorry.
I know I get lost in the scenery outside the car,
and I don't speak like I should.
I know you think I'm cold.
It's so much safer to stay behind my walls.
It's so much better for the both of us
if I keep my secrets and my thoughts and my stories
all to myself.
Trust me, It's better this way.

Another year gone by;
The only thing I've done
is tell myself that maybe
one day, one day,
I could find happiness.
Where has it gone?

Her eyes were so empty.
There were not even tears to be shed.
Light did not exist
Colors were dull.

Those eyes will haunt me.

Let me clear the air.
I am no poet.
I am not beautiful or tragic.
I'm just a girl.
A sad, angry person
Who has been at war with the world.
But all the same,
I'll get into mischief with you.

How do you sleep,
    
*      With the beastly things you've done?

I used to believe that achieving one goal was enough,
Be content that you could get there.
But that is wrong.
I will do whatever it takes to be the best.
For good enough isn't good enough for me.
I will never be fine with being good enough.
I must be the best.

I don't believe in Heaven,
but hell is for sure.
I've looked a demon in the eyes,
and spent a life time in hell.
A sweet facade,
a happy exterior.
But I cannot hide the haunted eyes.
I cannot hide the brokenness
left from a dance with the devil.

I cried out to a merciless God.
Trapped beneath a dark monster,
pleading for freedom.
When you lose faith,
You have nothing.
That monster took everything
I had and nothing remains.

The sheets can't seem to stay on the bed
and the blankets flee from warmth.
The pillows end up across the room.
Every night, I fall asleep at three am
Sometimes it's four or never at all.
My bed is a war zone.

Those who are quiet,
are silent for a reason.
Those who don't speak
without cause and thought,
They are important.
Listen when the quiet ones speak
For wisdom and kindness float from their tongues.

Of all things I've seen,
It's you that I want to forget.
Gone from my mind,
The pain would disappear.
The nightmares and fear,
The jumping when I'm touched.
I could forget it all,
Simply by forgetting you.